Lipstick on His Collar

Joanne Adylse Lynne · 2011-09-11T00:23:09Z

She finds The lipstick on his collar Dark red Menacing Smeared across the whiteness of his shirt She smells the fragrance on his shirt Seductive Enchanting Yet no less alien She hears him Crying out for another name in his dreams Beautiful Mesmerizing Yet so haunting She senses His growing reticence She sees The palpable lie beneath those dark windows to his soul When he says after dinner "I have to get back to work." She feels The invisible layers of membrane between them That her love can no longer permeate Lying next to him She knows that they are miles apart Separated not by distance But the lipstick on his collar

Rocklobster

Gender

Points 968

Reviews 10

Mon Sep 12, 2011 11:39 pm

Rocklobster says... · Mon Sep 12, 2011 11:39 pm

Woah. This is deep. And amaaaaaazing. Very good. Great imagrey, I could see the whole thing in my mind, it was amazing. I love poems, and this one especially. Very good. Simple, yet complex. AWESOME.

when i was five, i was asked what i wanted to be when i grew up.
i said happy.
they said i didn't understand the question.
i said they didn't understand life. --john lennon <3

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SteppinRazor

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Points 908

Reviews 46

Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:10 am

SteppinRazor says... · Tue Sep 13, 2011 4:10 am

separated...by the other women. I hate affairs and how love isn't between two people anymore better yet love is finding it hard to survive now days. This just made me really pissed off, it feeds my despise-o-meter, it makes me want to..i don't know punch someone in the face. this reminds me of someone I know, I can't stand him this would be his theme song. Other then that I liked this it was full of angst for me I felt the loss she felt I felt anger although she wasn't most of all I felt the sorrow, the sadness the helplessness.

Tidal waves they rip right through me
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad
Pick me up now, I need you so bad
Down down down down

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originalhobbit

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Points 955

Reviews 14

Tue Sep 13, 2011 9:35 am

originalhobbit says... · Tue Sep 13, 2011 9:35 am

This was better than I thought it would be, a lot better.

I like that the theme was realization instead of jealousy and paranoia. Sometimes, the realization that someone has been lying to you hits you much harder than the lie itself, and I think that the poem really reflects that fact very well. I also like the imagery, the lipstick on the white collar, the membrane, etc.

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." ~Harvey Fierstein

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AwesomeSocks

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Points 1408

Reviews 41

Wed Sep 14, 2011 3:56 am

AwesomeSocks says... · Wed Sep 14, 2011 3:56 am

This is both really sad and really good!
"The palpable lie beneath those dark windows to his soul" <-- I liked this line the best. It's very descriptive, I love it!
I thought it seemed a little weird with the uneven stanzas. Maybe it's just me

This is poetry after all!

Overall I loved it! Keep writing

transmissions from space

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wasp92277

Gender

Points 1390

Reviews 8

Wed Sep 14, 2011 4:07 am

wasp92277 says... · Wed Sep 14, 2011 4:07 am

short and still yet very entertaining
there is one thing i would add....a twist to your story in the poem....its to ordinary

Keep up the good work and never give up.

wasp92277

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