Blue Oceans (1 of 2)

Spoiler

I wrote this a while ago but I've been wanting to write more like it, so I'm writing a second one that will have the same concept but with a different character.

Breathing under the light,
the dense water flattens my lungs.
Fingertips reach out but cannot get free,
yellow light streaks through the water's skin.

Blue Oceans leak into my ears,
releasing a voice that whispers in my head,
Urging me to the surface of these Blue Oceans.
But I'm not ready to leave.

Outside in the world my bedroom reeks of vacancy,
time is frozen.
Like my mother's icy touch.

Here in the Blue Oceans I have no fear,
no heartache,
no pain.

High on these Blue Oceans,
I wave my fingers,
farewell to the world.

Spoiler

I liked writing this poem! Just to let you know the format started out as stanzas of four lines but then I changed it to three in order to keep up with the flow I had. Thanks for reading!
*Comment, Review and like please

I really liked this piece! It was fun to read, and I'm glad you had fun writing it! Cause that's what writing is all about:D
I saw your stanza, but there was little to no rhyme scheme. Which to me isn't a big deal cause I liked it so much anyway. It's really up to the writer how they want their art to be presented. Great poem keep on writing!

The poem was great in my opinion- as well as other's, I'm sure- especially this part:

Blue Oceans leak into my ears,
releasing a voice that whispers in my head,
Urging me to the surface of these Blue Oceans.
But I'm not ready to leave.

The poem seems very personal, yet it speaks to me in every way- That is the sign of a good lyric poem(where this poem belongs, in my opinion.).
Though the rhyming was missing, I disagree with your opinion about the rhythm, I think it worked great.

Keep writing.

Hey there snickers =] I really enjoyed this piece, I think the imagery was amazing. I had a bit of trouble with the rhythm for a minute, but I found it after a bit. I think you formatted it really well too =]

I don't have anything negative to say about this, its really beautifully written, well done =]

Hey there! I am new here, so this is my first review!
When I saw the title of your poem [Blue Oceans] at the home page, I just click it. And I like it.

Blue Oceans leak into my ears,
releasing a voice that whispers in my head,
Urging me to the surface of these Blue Oceans.
But I'm not ready to leave.

I love the second paragraph. I agree with SubjectBlue. This poem's sort of personal, right?
Anyway, I really like this poem, so, keep writing more, okay? ^^

Thanks for the reviews and dylan thanks for having me be your first review! Thank you!

Hi-ya!! I'm a huge fan of poets that I haven't yet read any of their work. Your title drew me in and I love your piece! Here's my comments:

Breathing under the light, What light? On second thought, I like to picture it myself.
the dense water flattens my lungs. Scary thought, but interesting line.
Fingertips reach out but cannot get free, I'm picturing a person trying to burst out of a fish. Think I've got it wrong, but it's fun!
yellow light streaks through the water's skin. Love this line.

Blue Oceans leak into my ears,
releasing a voice that whispers in my head, Makes me think of a Harry Potter moment.
Urging me to the surface of these Blue Oceans.
But I'm not ready to leave. Are any of us?

Outside in the world my bedroom reeks of vacancy, No I'm picturing you in the ocean, or possibly a fish tank
time is frozen.
Like my mother's icy touch. This line is kind of random. Out of the Blue (ocean, get it?!). Hehe

Here in the Blue Oceans I have no fear,
no heartache,
no pain.

High on these Blue Oceans,
I wave my fingers, Wait, Up at the top, your fingers couldn't get free, now you're waving them?
farewell to the world.

I loved this piece! It had a very Kate Chopin- Awakening feel to it, and seeing as that is one of my favorite pieces of literature, you can guess just how appealing this poem was to me! Keep up the amazing work!

Wow, I really liked this! It was a lot darker than most of your work, but it felt more personal and deep. It gave me shivers at the end. It even reminded me of being underwater, and kind of just staring into space. I love it!

-Poem

All I have to say is that this is amazing.

i love your writing!! Diction is very important and you nailed it.



good job,

Lizz