Dance Your Dream

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Gender Female
Points 912
Reviews 14
One day, she wanted to dance in one of the most prestigious dance companies in Australia.
Her ballet teacher once said that this dream, for some it will always remain a dream, but for her it would be possible.
This teacher had been teaching her ever since she started dancing. The teacher used to be a ballet soloist from England. They were very close.
And this girl? She was a girl who dreamed of being a ballerina one day, just like many other young dancers.
The thing she loved about Australia was that it was a country full of multiculturalism, every form of dance from around the world united in this country.
She imagined herself touring the country, dancing her dream.
But every single time she daydreamed like this, reality would hit her. She could just hear her dream shatter like broken glass, each shard playing its own note. Her parents were traditional Chinese immigrants; her father didn’t want her to be so involved in the British culture of ballet. Her mother was more understanding, because she used to dance but her father was still captivated in his past, unable to accept new cultures, new ideas and new traditions.
***********
After the auditions for the Australian Ballet Company, she felt really stressed lately because she was scared of her future. Her father wanted her to be a doctor but she really didn’t want to. Her only wish was to decide her own future but was that already a difficult thing to do?
She smiled at her thoughts, she should be having fun now, why was she was stressing and worrying so much?
Her father caught up with her, ‘Why do you look so sad? Don’t you like this view? The Grand Pacific Drive is one of the best places to visit!’
She reluctantly agreed and she looked at the vast ocean ahead of her.
‘I know what you are worrying about; you know you can talk to me about anything.’ Her dad smiled.
Elizabeth frowned, ‘Look Dad, I really wanted to talk to you about my future, I don’t want to be a doctor…I…want to dance. I know you don’t agree with me but I really hope you can understand.’
‘You are right, no one can force you to be a doctor, to be honest, I feel ashamed of how I used to think, your ballet teacher and your mother have both talked to me about your future and I now realize my expectations for you are not realistic and very stressful for you. I am not only Chinese but also Australian; I have to learn to accept different cultures and the Australian way of parenting. Elizabeth, in your hands is your own future, if you let go slightly, it will fly away, grasp on and you will have a better future than others. Remember I will always support you whatever you do.’
She felt overpowered by surprise and relief at the same time, she felt the warmth of the sun soak into her skin, the calm breeze through her hair and she could just feel the happiness in her bubbling until she was smiling.
She couldn’t wait to tell Kaia about her time with her father today. Kaia had been her best friend since year 3 when Kaia first migrated to Australia from India. Elizabeth had readily taken the role to teach Kaia English and from then on, they had been best friends. She was the only person to try to become friends with Kaia, she knew it must have been very hard for her to adjust to a completely new environment with strangers. Now, seventeen, Kaia had long adapted to everything Australian, and she loved everything about Australia.
********
The bell finally rang for home and Elizabeth felt nervous yet excited; the results from the Australian Ballet Company auditions were being released. Her parents knew how she felt about it and promised to call her when the letter arrived. She felt the buzz of her phone and saw the text her mother sent.
Her mum said the letter had arrived but Liz should open it herself.
She ran. It felt like an eternity to her, the path to home.
All these years of practice. All the weeks of dancing en pointe for endless hours before the audition.
It all came to now. Everything she had hoped for. The one thing she loved.
She halted outside the door. She carefully opened the door, breathless. And then she saw it.
It was on the table in the kitchen. She grabbed the envelope. As she was about to rip open the letter, she faltered, did she really want to know? She was scared she would be disappointed, after all the company only wanted two dancers and it wasn’t like she went to the Australian Ballet School.
‘Go on open it!’ her mother encouraged. She didn’t realise her mother watching her.
It was a tiny rip at first, she looked at her mother, taking a deep breath, and she tore the envelope open and took out the words that could possibly decide her future, all in the one letter.
‘All members of the Australian Ballet Company welcome you, Elizabeth Wang, to join us, we hope you feel proud to become one of us. As one the most famous ballet companies in the world, we….’
Everything seemed impossible all of a sudden. Liz felt paralyzed with shock. She looked outside.
The sky was still blue, the grass still green, but she was about to live her dream.
Her mother took the letter from her hands, and tears slowly formed in her eyes.
‘I used to dream of being a ballerina when I was young like you too.’
Liz looked up at her mother.
‘…but situations then did not allow me to progress to become a professional dancer, instead I had to attend university. That is why I don’t want you to be like me, I know you love dancing, which is why I fostered your talent from when you were very little. My wish was for you to chase your dream and you know, I am so proud of you Elizabeth. I know you don’t want to disappoint your father but he will support you just like me because ballet is something that your mother loves even more than you.’
‘Go on, Elizabeth, this is your future. Dance your dream.’
She felt a burden in the depths of her heart, begin to lift. She looked outside, she could see a balloon becoming smaller and smaller as it drifted away, and it was like herself, drifting up into the unknown, pursuing her own destiny. She didn’t know what awaited her in her future, but she was ready.

********
As she was lifted into the air, she felt like she was defying gravity, she couldn’t help smiling. From the stage, she saw her parents, Kaia and her ballet teacher, the most important people in her life. They were all crying.
The lights dimmed.
The audience applauded.
It was over but not yet.
This was only the beginning of her journey.
One day, she wanted to dance in one of the most prestigious dance companies in Australia.
Her ballet teacher once said that this dream, for some it will always remain a dream, but for her it would be possible.
This teacher had been teaching her ever since she started dancing. The teacher used to be a ballet soloist from England. They were very close.
And this girl? She was a girl who dreamed of being a ballerina one day, just like many other young dancers.
The thing she loved about Australia was that it was a country full of multiculturalism, every form of dance from around the world united in this country.
She imagined herself touring the country, dancing her dream.
But every single time she daydreamed like this, reality would hit her. She could just hear her dream shatter like broken glass, each shard playing its own note. Her parents were traditional Chinese immigrants; her father didn’t want her to be so involved in the British culture of ballet. Her mother was more understanding, because she used to dance but her father was still captivated in his past, unable to accept new cultures, new ideas and new traditions.
***********
After the auditions for the Australian Ballet Company, she felt really stressed lately because she was scared of her future. Her father wanted her to be a doctor but she really didn’t want to. Her only wish was to decide her own future but was that already a difficult thing to do?
She smiled at her thoughts, she should be having fun now, why was she was stressing and worrying so much?
Her father caught up with her, ‘Why do you look so sad? Don’t you like this view? The Grand Pacific Drive is one of the best places to visit!’
She reluctantly agreed and she looked at the vast ocean ahead of her.
‘I know what you are worrying about; you know you can talk to me about anything.’ Her dad smiled.
Elizabeth frowned, ‘Look Dad, I really wanted to talk to you about my future, I don’t want to be a doctor…I…want to dance. I know you don’t agree with me but I really hope you can understand.’
‘You are right, no one can force you to be a doctor, to be honest, I feel ashamed of how I used to think, your ballet teacher and your mother have both talked to me about your future and I now realize my expectations for you are not realistic and very stressful for you. I am not only Chinese but also Australian; I have to learn to accept different cultures and the Australian way of parenting. Elizabeth, in your hands is your own future, if you let go slightly, it will fly away, grasp on and you will have a better future than others. Remember I will always support you whatever you do.’
She felt overpowered by surprise and relief at the same time, she felt the warmth of the sun soak into her skin, the calm breeze through her hair and she could just feel the happiness in her bubbling until she was smiling.
She couldn’t wait to tell Kaia about her time with her father today. Kaia had been her best friend since year 3 when Kaia first migrated to Australia from India. Elizabeth had readily taken the role to teach Kaia English and from then on, they had been best friends. She was the only person to try to become friends with Kaia, she knew it must have been very hard for her to adjust to a completely new environment with strangers. Now, seventeen, Kaia had long adapted to everything Australian, and she loved everything about Australia.
********
The bell finally rang for home and Elizabeth felt nervous yet excited; the results from the Australian Ballet Company auditions were being released. Her parents knew how she felt about it and promised to call her when the letter arrived. She felt the buzz of her phone and saw the text her mother sent.
Her mum said the letter had arrived but Liz should open it herself.
She ran. It felt like an eternity to her, the path to home.
All these years of practice. All the weeks of dancing en pointe for endless hours before the audition.
It all came to now. Everything she had hoped for. The one thing she loved.
She halted outside the door. She carefully opened the door, breathless. And then she saw it.
It was on the table in the kitchen. She grabbed the envelope. As she was about to rip open the letter, she faltered, did she really want to know? She was scared she would be disappointed, after all the company only wanted two dancers and it wasn’t like she went to the Australian Ballet School.
‘Go on open it!’ her mother encouraged. She didn’t realise her mother watching her.
It was a tiny rip at first, she looked at her mother, taking a deep breath, and she tore the envelope open and took out the words that could possibly decide her future, all in the one letter.
‘All members of the Australian Ballet Company welcome you, Elizabeth Wang, to join us, we hope you feel proud to become one of us. As one the most famous ballet companies in the world, we….’
Everything seemed impossible all of a sudden. Liz felt paralyzed with shock. She looked outside.
The sky was still blue, the grass still green, but she was about to live her dream.
Her mother took the letter from her hands, and tears slowly formed in her eyes.
‘I used to dream of being a ballerina when I was young like you too.’
Liz looked up at her mother.
‘…but situations then did not allow me to progress to become a professional dancer, instead I had to attend university. That is why I don’t want you to be like me, I know you love dancing, which is why I fostered your talent from when you were very little. My wish was for you to chase your dream and you know, I am so proud of you Elizabeth. I know you don’t want to disappoint your father but he will support you just like me because ballet is something that your mother loves even more than you.’
‘Go on, Elizabeth, this is your future. Dance your dream.’
She felt a burden in the depths of her heart, begin to lift. She looked outside, she could see a balloon becoming smaller and smaller as it drifted away, and it was like herself, drifting up into the unknown, pursuing her own destiny. She didn’t know what awaited her in her future, but she was ready.

********
As she was lifted into the air, she felt like she was defying gravity, she couldn’t help smiling. From the stage, she saw her parents, Kaia and her ballet teacher, the most important people in her life. They were all crying.
The lights dimmed.
The audience applauded.
It was over but not yet.
This was only the beginning of her journey.
from, sweet<3 :)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4206
Reviews 362
Alright, so, This was a god beginning. I can see your characters starting to form. I found it, however, too choppy, with missing background and that raised questions for me, as the reader. Give the reader a background. Was her mother a dancer? Why did she start dancing? Cover those Who, What, When, Where, Why, How's to answer the major questions for the reader.
Your opening sentence, too, could have been stronger. The opening sentence is what will pull your reader in and make then read more. While it was good for you to open with your MC's dream, add some background. Why is she so passionate about dance? Why did her father relent so fast, and why did the dance place let her in?

Keep up the writing, and answer the major questions
~WickedWonder
'We will never believe again, kick drum beating in my chest again, oh, we will never believe in anything again, preach electric to a microphone stand.'

*Formerly wickedwonder*




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 13816
Reviews 563
Hey there sweethearts! Welcome to YWS! I'm WD, and it's lovely to meet you! I had a good time reading this piece you posted and I'm glad that I'm getting a chance to review it!

So, you have an interesting idea here, a rather sweet story about dancing. Do you like dancing? The way you describe it is really poetic in parts and I like that; you strike a few lovely lines when talking about the art of dancing and those lovely lines were a pleasure to read. You have a plot going here, and the plot is interesting; however, I think what would help you most when you begin revising this is to think about character. For the moment, I'm just going to look at the beginning and use that as an example if that's all right.

You begin a fairy tale-esque way, starting from a distance and zooming in to focus on one girl; this can be a lovely effect. And after you zoom in, you begin to describe your character. The story describes her and her dreams, but the descriptions sounds like something I would read in a synopsis more than a story. Why? Because I feel like the story is telling me who this person is, giving me their credentials almost. And I don't really feel as if I am getting to know this character.

The story tells me about her family, about what she wants, about who she is, but I still don't know her! And because I don't know her, I am not really invested in this story. While this is most prominent in the beginning, it's an issue I see throughout the whole story right now. She feels stressed in the story, but we never see her under stress. She wants to be a ballerina, but we don't really get an idea of what that looks like, and I feel as though I cannot really get to know this character until I see her. Facts aren't developing her enough; facts rarely do. As a reader, I need a reason to invest emotionally in her character!

Character development is a hard thing to learn, and it takes practice, but I would urge you to explore how you might develop this character. Ask yourself questions like: what does it look like for Elizabeth to be stressed? How does she move? What does she do on a day-to-day basis? What kind of expressions does she have? I wrote an article on some of the basic components of character development, if you're interested in reading up about some ways of developing your character: topic53684.html

In any case, as you're revising this, I would just urge you to stop and try to envision your character, try to know her. Slow down and pay attention to the details. Not the facts. The details of what is happening. Her character will most likely be in the details. :)

I hope this helps you! You have a good start here, so great job! And keep writing! I'd love to read a new draft of this if you revise. And if you have any questions, please feel free to PM me!
~ WD
If you desire a review from WD, post here

"All I know, all I'm saying, is that a story finds a storyteller. Not the other way around." ~Neverwas




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4893
Reviews 99
I like the title. The opening was really just blah to tell the truth and really long. When you're writing you want to write just enough to have other readers interested but not so long that they only skim your writing which I will admit I just did. I have a short attention span anyway so...I have to say it just needed more to it in the sense of I had no visualization at all so I don't see what you're seeing I want to be able to do that.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 912
Reviews 14
thanks for your advice, to be honest, this was a school project on multiculturalism and i didnt have any short stories to post on YWS so i used this. Maybe it would be nice if you could check out my new novella: MY GREEN TEA LATTE ?
would be great if you gave me some feedback on that one :)
from, sweet<3 :)



"Peace sells, but who's buying?"
— Megadeth