Snow Birds

Snow Birds

The white dove of peace
disappears in the blurry fall of snow

The yellow goldfinch flits about
like the sparkle of gold leaf falling from a desk

The blue Blue Jay calls from the branches
teasing us with the reminder of sunny blue skies

The black and white chickadee sits at the feeder
chirping to its mates about the cold

The red cardinal sits innocently in the snow
though looks like the red spill of blood

The black crow stands royally
as the deadly blackness of night comes

Ooh, a new perspective of birds... I remember when my friend said she saw a seagull outside the window in Art class... But it was snowing. I told her it must have been a snow covered crow!

I liked this...

There was a little issue I had though,

"The yellow goldfinch flits about
like the sparkle of gold leaf falling from a desk

The blue Blue Jay calls from the branches
teasing us with the reminder of sunny blue skies"

There was a goldfinch and a blue jay.... and a gold leaf and a blue sky. I think you can use better adjatives for the leaf and sky... I didn't really like that part... where there was the color used twice.. but I liked the overall poem.

I think you're getting the gold leaf part wrong... I figured I might have to explain this anyways, not many people know what it is. Gold leaf is the metal gold cut so extremely thin that if oyu touch it is will tear. I took a gold leaf class once and trust me... gold leaf is EXTREMELY fragile. You can barely breath on it and it will rip and peel. If you have heard of a ceiling that has been done in gold leaf, it is small squares of gold pasted onto the top of the ceiling. Some mirror or picture frames are covered in gold or even silver leaf. That is what I meant when I said "like the sparkle of gold leaf falling from a desk" I was not talking about leaves from a tree. Thank you for listening, or rather, reading my rant.

I agree that that's either too many colors close together or too few. I suggest either changing the order of your stanza so there's no two color descriptions next to each other or having all the descriptions include a color. (I myself, would prefer that you change the stanza order, but you choose). Good job, nice explanation.

There's a color used twice? There's blue Blue Jay but one is a color description and the other is the name of the bird... then there a white, a black and a black and white. three differnt color sets. I purposly put the black and white in the middle so it wans't next to the black or the white stanzas. So other than that, I don't understand what you're getting at sorry.

I've already told you this, but I'll remind you: it's the second line of each stanza that is the problem. In all your first lines, you have a color description. That's good. In the second lines, some have a color description, but others don't. Rearrange the stanzas so that you don't have two "color-2nd-lines" next to each other. You know what I mean.

Yay! I love poetry about birds. It's just one of my favorite topics ever.

And I love your use of colors! It's like... you tapped into two of my favorite literary devices ever: colors and birds. You must be... psychic!

So! My comment?

I fear that I'm repeating everyone else, but your blue line has too many... blues in it. Look at it again.

The blue Blue Jay calls from the branches
teasing us with the reminder of sunny blue skies

The first part was a little awkward, but the next line seems really out of place simply because you repeat blue again... for the third time. So... maybe use a different word for blue when describing skies? This might work:

teasing us with the reminder of sparkling sapphire skies

But... on the whole, not bad. I love birds...

Oh wow, wonderufl imagery there, I had just endless vibrant flowing colour in my head while reading this poem. Just the movement and the nature of each bird was so wonderfully portrayed here. Love it!