The Council of Seven

And the Seven Lands have thus been locked in war.

Once upon a time, seven people -- leaders weary of eternal warfare -- resolved to meet each other at the Great Circle of Stone. They were: Kahmei the Alcuadrian, with a slender ceremonial sword and a gun that shot light; Opephina the Corunni, in a beautiful dress and with a snake-skin whip; Quarkson the Arkford, in a conservative business-suit and with a briefcase; Araman the Kongol, in traveller's clothes and with a pack-mule; A'Innai the East Etherican and A'Kituzo the West Etherican, who arrived on the opposite sides of the expedition and a day apart; and Okhog the Mogh, in a leopard-skin tunic and a large club over his shoulder. All came to beg Father Dragon for advice: Which Land is the greatest? Which Land should stand triumphant, and which lands must reduce their cities to ashes and their fields to graveyards?

The skies split in half with lightning and thunder, and Pangeria bled with molten stone.

Arose before them then the crimson form of Father Dragon; his wings choked the moonlight and his roving tail razed wayward villages. His breath raised devastating waves. His countless minions spilled forth from the pit in Pangeria's flesh, and gorged on the many cities of the Seven Lands -- but their seven heads were prepared to make this sacrifice. Without it, countless more will die.

Roared Father Dragon, "Why do you bring me forth now, my shameful children?"

Replied the Council of Seven, "We tire of fighting, Unholy Father. It is costing us people, which we need for building our castles for us and growing our fields for us. We wish to know which of us is worthy of your service and which should be reduced to ashes."

He swept the Council with his unbearable gaze, blew a great pillar of fire into the sky, and answered:

"Nae, making ruin unto all but one of you aligns not with my plans. But not all of you are fit to survive, either."

Saith he to the Alcuadrian, who bowed his head and lay his hand on his sword in reverence, "Your sense of honor is child-like. Your people have grown too old to be changed now. Yours is a disease that must be culled to ensure others' survival."

Saith he to the Corunni, who twirled her whip uncomfortably at the male form of Father Dragon, "You have learned to oppress your men. Suffering births spirit and rebellion, and perhaps yours is not a civilization to last but a chrysalis for something much stronger for the distant future."

Saith he to the Arkford, who adjusted his glasses and swept back his hair, "You have learned to lie to your brother as if he were a mortal enemy. The art of deceit will grant you edge over the weak of mind."

Saith he to the Kongol, who looked as if he were about to bargain a question, "You are not as driven as the Corunni nor as clever as the Arkfords, but you combine the two into great personal gain. Never will you confront a customer whom you won't cheat out of half his money."

Saith he to the Ethericans, who glared at the other from the opposite sides of the Great Circle, "You have sundered your country and turned on your fellow man. Yours is a destructive conflict, but conflict is the driver of progress and life. You are a symbol to all of Pangeria."

Saith he to the Mogh, who looked menacingly at Father Dragon and patted his club, "Your innocence is also child-like. You are numerous, overwhelming even the mighty Alcuadrian armies and robbing Kongols of their caravans; and you are cancerous, living on land stolen from your peers. You will not defile this land any longer."

Father Dragon roared again, and his minions returned to their home. He swept the Council of Seven off their feet and feasted upon them before Pangeria swallowed him again. That night, Oracles of five of the Seven Lands received omen to band together, and the other two - to pray.

Thus the Seven Lands became the Five Lands.

Hey Carbon!

This was an interesting little fairy tale (I read the description on the novel page) and it works alright as such, but it doesn't feel entirely complete. Even as a fairy tale/short story there should be a sort of complete-ness to it, a feeling that the whole story has been told.

What this lacks is context. In the beginning, we learn this:

Once upon a time, seven people -- leaders weary of eternal warfare -- resolved to meet each other at the Great Circle of Stone.

So we know that there are seven people (and presumably seven countries) that are tired of being caught in war with each other and hope to resolve conflict. Essentially, this is all the reader needs to know in order to embark on the rest of the story, but in order for the tale to feel complete, I think there needs to be another line or two of context. Are all of the countries fighting each other in one giant war? Or are there many smaller wars going on at the same time? Are there alliances between countries? Are certain countries leading offensive attacks against others that are simply trying to defend themselves? In the realm of a real war, it wouldn't make a lot of sense for seven armies to be fighting each other (that is, any one army attempting to fight six other armies). That just couldn't happen, no army would be prolific enough to hold of six others. It would be interesting to see what effect alliances would have on the Father Dragon's final words to the leaders.

The description of the seven leaders was awesome, very fairy-tale-esque. The only thing that came off as odd was Quarkson in his business suit. His attire is vastly different than the others in terms of time-period, and doesn't quite make sense to me that one country would be so much further advanced than all of the others. This might be the point, but it still comes across as pretty far-fetched.

The rest of the story flows very well, I like how the Father Dragon addresses each of the seven and reveals something about those countries characters and lifestyles. However, I didn't understand the end. From what I gathered, Father Dragon ate the seven, and then seperate oracles of each country had visions or received omens telling them to either band together or pray. What does it mean for the countries now that their leaders have been eaten? I'm assuming that the seven were the leaders of those countries, and if not, then who are they and why were they sent to the Father Dragon rather than the leaders of the countries? Do these oracles have great power to address their countries and inform them of what they have learned (band together/pray)? And what exactly happened to the two countries that caused the Seven Lands to be reduced to Five?

All in all, this functions well in a fairy-tale format. It's intriguing and has me wanting to read more fairy tales that come in this anthology. I'm wondering, though, will all the fairy tales be set in the same "world" (that being the world this story is set in/the countries presented in this tale)? Just me being curious xD

Oh, and before I forget, I had one small nitpick:

And the Seven Lands have thus been locked in war.

This sounds as if it's picking up on something said before, since it beings with "And", and the word "thus" suggests a continuance from some previous action. It threw me a bit, so maybe consider rewording to something more definitive as a beginning.

Again, I really enjoyed reading this! And I'd definitely be interested in reading more of the tales in this anthology, so feel free to hit me up for future reviews!

Keep writing!

-Lauren-

It's been a while, and I'm sure my critiquing muscles are quite rusty, so please bare with me. I apologize in advance for any shortcomings of this review. /obligatory apology.

Firstly, I am definitely intrigued by this. At first when I saw that this was posted in Novels, I sort of shook my head a little and wondered if you were really going to post a novel on here--but once I read the description, I was very intrigued. Fairytales? You've got me hooked. And written, of course, with darker overtones as is your wont. All this was before I read the piece.

I have to say that it was very different than I expected it to be. But that doesn't help you much because I have no idea what I was expecting. The tone of this reminds me of a lot of old folklore. I've been reading a bit of Norse-type things lately (Icelandic sagas are wonderful) and your piece reminds me a lot of them in the tone. There's a definite sense of historical fact, because of the detail with which things are described and because of the assumption that the narrator seems to make that the reader is familiar with the setting. But there is also a definite air of magic (obviously) and also a sense of it being a fable--something that was created for the sole purpose of teaching a lesson. Characters are caricatures and everything happens for a reason.

It reminds me a little of one of the Family Sagas (the best history we have of Old Icelandic life and the early settlement of Iceland) which tells a very factual story of (if I remember correctly) the settlement of a certain area. On the surface it is just that: a history. But if you actually read it, you'll see that at one point one of the characters gets cursed by an angry fairy queen, and there are other threads of magic woven in to the history. This is what your story reminds me of. A lot of folklore is like this, I think. Including (if you don't mind me saying this) the Bible. You also use the repetition from Stains of Red (only more so) which adds to the religious, almost preachy effect.

I find the actual "moral" of this story interesting, and puzzling. It seems to me (and I may very well be wrong) that this is a sort of Genesis in a certain cultural history. It is something like a very basic view of how a culture is supposed (folklorically) to have gotten to be the way it is now. A "and that's how the leopard got it's spots" kind of story. But there is also a feeling of a moral lesson--and with it (for me anyway) a feeling of irony. The two Lands that the dragon fellow was enamored of (East Etherica and West Etherica) were (I presume) the ones that were told simply to pray. They are also the ones, it seems, who were not allowed to continue to whatever present day comes after this. This makes me wonder about the dragon--he is portrayed as a high king, a sort of deity almost... but what if he is actually representative of something much darker? What if the Five Lands who lived on did so as a sort of punishment? Lots to wonder about, as per usual. And of course my interpretation is probably miles off of your intended one.

So, you have some interesting methods going on here. And they are exactly the kinds of elements I tend to find fascinating about actual fairytales. Why, then, do I not find this piece as intriguing as I might? To be perfectly honest, despite some wonderful things you have going on here, I do not much care for this piece.

One reason, I think, is probably the very simple one that actual folklore has a huge cultural background to it and this (being contrived by one person at one time) does not. I feel like there aren't enough slightly strange references or little split ends or repeated motifs or odd, nonsensical symbolisms. Of course, it's unrealistic to expect anyone (save, perhaps, Tolkien) to create thousands of years of culture out of thin air, but it's still a goal to work towards, when writing alternate folktales and the like. I would recommend having a lot of scattered allusions to other aspects of the world (whether or not you as the author even know what those aspects are). This isn't really something you can add into this piece, but I think it's something you will get more and more used to as this collection goes on--even if you don't place all of the tales in the same world.

One rather technical thing I wonder about is the order you put the Lands' representetives in. For some reason, it seems more natural for the Ethericans to be last, as a sort of rhetorical tool of building up an expectation and then bending it at the last minute. But this is all assuming that my earlier interpretation was something close to what you were trying to portray, which is quite a lofty assumption.

Another reason is that I just feel like the overall arc of the story falls short of what it could be. There are a few detailed images (mostly about the Seven) and they just repeat over and over until I don't really end up feeling accomplished at all after reading the piece. Yes, folktales often don't make sense. They often feel like they should have an obvious moral but don't, and they often have seemingly unnecessary passages that ought to be removed by today's literary standards. But they also have something else, which is what I talked about before: that sense of being a window into another time, another place. I feel this doesn't accomplish much in the way of teaching me about any aspect of the world, except as a basic introduction to their idea of different races/cultures.

Seeing as this is the first part of (presumably) many, maybe that is what you were going for. If so, then maybe it will serve as a passable introduction. But it is the kind of introduction that I would read through and hope it makes more sense later once I've read more. Not the kind of introduction that whets my appetite and leaves me salivating for more.

Not, of course, that I'm not looking forward to seeing more installments of this series. I certainly am. And I don't think you should come back and edit this one--not yet, anyway. It's the first piece you've written in quite a while. You're still getting back into shape. I know everyone works differently, but I would suggest leaving this for now and going on with the project. Once you have a clearer idea of what purpose you want this to serve in the final collection, then you can either come back and tweak it or rewrite it, or (if you're content with it) leave it as it is.

Oh, and one little thing before I leave you:

Without it, countless more will die.

Remember what I told you in The Unicorn about the word "shall" turning to "should" in the past tense? This is the same thing. Unless I'm reading it completely the wrong way, that "will" ought to be "would."


And now I'm done. Hopefully my rambling isn't too atrocious. Of course PM me to your heart's content about this review, and please tell me when you post more.

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