soliloquy

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Slowly dies the fraternity
Hatred wakes up from sleep
embracing the poor fragile hearts
deep round hath it swathe

lies everywhere silent thoughts
wickedness in it survives
fires of wisdom no more lives
neither breathes the honest soul

seen is all glittering homes
dancing along the abhorrent dreams
in whose flames hath happiness precinct
makes cry the dearly earth

o'what eyes of mine dost see
rising of the sun of blood
and all the same,covered in shroud
dies out the pathetic moon

whispers of sorrow, and of pain
covers up doth the worthless ears
coz nary dost show, no sign of care
affecting all of them unheard

what thee men,hath grown to
that none thou care for help
all those ailing wounded souls
who lies waiting for a hand

too sad now, for it's late
to show any sorrow or guilt
as now cometh the time of end
and earth will see no tomorrow




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I absolutely loved reading your poem!! It made me think, about the things I do and say everyday that can have a bigger impact on someones tommorow!! Honestly, I loved the way you didn't capitalize your words, it gave me a weird feeling, which fit the poem well!! My favorite part of your poem is the beginning, because you just really explain it all!!Your poem is very beautiful, and I hope you keep up writing!!!




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Hello, I have come to review but I have a feeling this one won't be too long, I have a feeling is poem will be quite good.
Now the opening line is quite great but the first issue I have is grammar. Personally I don't really care but some people are really fussy about grammar, you need some fullstops and commas.
deep round hath it swathe

I'm not to sure about this line, is it really necessary to use language like 'hath' ? Are you aiming for a old world feel. I see you have used other worlds like 'hath' though out your poem but the mix of new and old is quite strange but not in bad way.

This in general has a Shakespeare feel to it. Looking at the title I keep on thinking you might have based this on his style. It quite a nice poem. There is a sort of a mild ambiguity to it that I like.
Stay gold, Ponyboy - S.E. Hinton




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Points 1188
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Okay .. decided to follow you after all .. No point in hiding ! :P

Anyway loved your poem .. And what more I understood it completely

So didn't have to go for the long questions ..

Anyway keep writing and keep on posting here !

Looking forward to reading more ..

And one last thing .. Welcome to YWS :D



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