I really liked this piece. I love the way you paced that conversation between the two. Is this a romance? It feels very relaxed and breezy. This was made for the summertime, I can tell it is. I found the first paragraph, however, a bit too informative. Remember: show and don't tell. If it is twenty-one degrees, describe it. If there is music playing, I want to hear it. The last paragraph was a little cliched. It could be a bit more original I think. Overall, great stuff! Can't wait for chapter 2.
Great first chapter! I liked it a lot! Can't wait till chapter 2
When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again'
'Look there she goes that girl is so peculiar. I wonder if she's feeling well. With a dreamy far off look. And her nose stuck in a book' Something my best friend, Drew, said about me
Sorry, posted this in the wrong section. Transferring it over to the correct one!
Does this mean the story exists elsewhere? If so, could you put a link on my profile? This is the second time I've come here today, wanting to read the story, but being unable to find it. I honestly want to read this now, just to find out what it's all about!!
Please feel free to come to me if you want anything reviewed
~*cottonrulz*~
Here's a story of a brother by the name of Othello, He liked white women and he liked - green jello... - Reduced Shakespeare Company
'The Answer to the Great Question... Of Life, the Universe and Everything... Is... Forty-two,' said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm. — Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
