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Okay, Emmy here to review.

First of all, I loved the idea of the poem. It was kind of cliche but I liked the phrases you used. I think that the poem would work out a lot better with stanza's. Even though this was not particularly hard to read, but it would read easier if it was in stanza's. I think a ton more could be added to this. Personally, some of the lines and words were not even neccesary. Definatly take out the swear words. This peom has a sad feel to it, almost like the girls innocence has dissapeared behind a mask. The swearing just ruins the feel of it.

There does not feel to be any flow to this. The punctuation is bad and some sentances are jumbled together. This may seem cool, but it is annoying to read. Stanza's would again, help out here. You could do the first one like this:
Who is this person in the mirror?
Is it me?
Is this the person I have become?
Or is it hiding the real me?

Or something like that. A few gramatical slips ups could be fixed, like the I in line seven between they and say is misplaced and mot needed.

Overall, I really liked this, but it could use some work. Keep working on it and PM me if you fix it.
Emmy

Hi there! Okay so first, your title. It's a little over-wordy for my liking. I think you could make it more snappy like 'Mirror Girl' or 'Look in the Mirror' or something a bit more creative like 'Double Vision'. Have a think about it!

As for the poem, there are some things I like about it and some I'm not so sure about. The concept I love. The imagery and the construction though let you down a little. I'll try to give some advice in a line-by-line...

Who is this person in the mirror? Is it me? [This is something we call passive voice. It would draw more readers if you shook things up a bit. Like you could have something along the lines of: 'She isn't me. She's stolen the triangle of freckles from my nose but she's not me and they're not mine.' Just a quick example of how you could be more direct and avoid falling into the pit of asking questions!]
Is this person I’ve become covered up who I am?
So much that I don’t ever recognize myself? What have I become?
What has happened to the little girl that I use to know,
The little girl that like dolphins and was scared of the dark? [Scared of the dark isn't original enough. Think instead of something in the dark you were scared of, something specific. For me it was the monster that sat on my windowsill, which of course was just one of my ornaments, but you know ^^]
She is trapped, trapped behind all the make-up and the clothing.
Trapped behind the shit of today and the bull they I say, she has been [This line is really awkward to read! Take another look and say it out loud.]
buried alive. She has little air to breath and is slowly dying away [You should start thinking outside of the box. This is quite a simple way to say what you're saying. Think about imagery and how it might feel to have little air. Build the atmosphere, make us feel that we are the persona, that we can't breathe.]
under all of the hell of the world. I want to go back to the days where
hide-and-seek was the game to play. where pink was the color to
wear, but those days… that girl is gone and I must smile. I have to
keep smiling, for if I stop so will my life on this earth. [I was liking your ending until this line. I think this one was a little too dramatic. Try to aim for a really strong ending that will stay in your reader's imagination!]

Well there you go then! My main advice for you is to expand on some of the imagery and get a little more creative. Start to dig deeper into your words so that you can really create the atmosphere and make your reader believe what you're saying.

If you've got any questions, feel free to ask! Hopefully you'll find some of this useful,

Heather xxx

Okay, critique!!!

1. Try using stanzas, because I had a hard time separating them by topic.

2. This seems more like a paragraph to me, try and make it shorter.

GREAT JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!!

~Kat

I though this was a lovely idea, though perhaps a tad bit unoriginal, but still enjoyable. I felt, as others who reviewed, that this was a bit hard to read. I didn't really see any rhyme or reason to the way you placed the lines.Several times you started a thought only to cut it off in the middle and finish it in th next line. I found this annoying and confusing. This is just my take but this is the way I would have arranged it.

dragonlover92 wrote:Who is this person in the mirror?
Is it me?
Is this person I’ve become covered up who I am?
So much that I don’t ever recognize myself?
What have I become?

What has happened to the little girl that I use to know,
The little girl that like dolphins and was scared of the dark?
She is trapped, trapped behind all the make-up and the clothing.
Trapped behind the shit of today and the bull they I say,( have no idea what you mean by that, maybe you meant 'that' not 'they?)

She has been buried alive.
She has little air to breath and is slowly dying away under all of the hell of the world. (I would cut this line, the poem works just as well with out it)

I want to go back to the days were 'where' here, not 'were'.hide-and-seek was the game to play.
Where pink was the color to wear,
But those days, that girl, is gone and I must smile.
I have to keep smiling, for if I stop so will my life on this earth.

I don't love the last line here, I feel that it does a poor job of summing up the poem and end it with more of a wimper than a bang. Still nice thought.