Oak Tree

Hey YWS, this is my first post, feel free to review harshly.



I sat upon the stump of an old oak tree in the park near my house. The tree no longer seemed sturdy and mighty as it had when I was younger. It no longer gave protection from the sun or had any leaves to lose in the fall. It was a mere stump now, barely reaching a height two feet tall.

Trying to get comfortable on the solid wood, I wriggled around. When I found a spot that was comfortable, I let my eyes wander. For the most part, it was deserted. Two people lay on a blanket across the park, watching as their children ran around with bare feet, laughing. For a moment, I watched the children giggle as they played a game of tag, running around trees and jumping over twigs. It reminded me of when I had come here for lunch with my father when I was five. The memory made me smile.

It was the day my dad decided to teach me to ride a bike. He had woken me up giddily, with an expression on his face I had never seen before. After rubbing my eyes and sitting up on my bed, I asked, "What's so exciting, daddy?" To which he replied, "Darling, today I am going to teach you to ride a bike."

I had never woken up to such news, and I sprang out of bed before my dad could say anything else. From my closet, I took out a green dress that had butterflies printed across the bottom (it had been one of my favourites) and hastily put it on. It was a special dress for a special occasion.

After I had gotten dressed, brushed my teeth, and ran down the stairs so fast that I almost tripped, a realization hit me. I didn't have a bike. I found my dad waiting at the door with his favourite leather jacket on. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.

"What's wrong, Abigail?" he had asked, lowering himself onto his knees so that his eyes were level with mine.

"I can't learn to ride a bike, I don't have one!" I cried.

For a reason I couldn’t figure out back then, he smiled at me. "How about you get your shoes on and meet me outside, I have a surprise for you."

After I had put on my green sandals, to match my dress, I walked out the front door. When I saw it, whatever tears were left lingering in my eyes vanished in an instant to be replaced by a glowing grin. On my front lawn, being held upwards by my father was a shiny, red bike.

In a rush, I ran up towards it and placed my hands on the seat. "This is for me?" I had asked incredulously, looking up into my dad's soft green eyes.

"Yes, it's all yours," he had replied, and for good measure, he squeezed the horn.

I began jumping up and down with delight. "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you," I had said over and over again.

After I tested out the horn for myself, I marveled at the basket attached to the handlebars. Inside was a red helmet that matched my bike and across the back of my new helmet, in big black letters, was my name. I looked at it with eyes of wonder.

"Well, aren’t you going to try it on?" my dad asked. I did, and it fit like it was made for me.

"How does it look?" I asked as I twirled around like a princess.

"Fabulous!" was my father's reply.

Before we left, my mother came out to give my dad and I sandwiches for lunch. "You can eat them at the park later," she had suggested before winking at me. After she went back inside to finish the dishes, I hopped on my bike for the first time.

At first, I had trouble balancing. My father had to run with the bike and hold onto the handlebars to keep me steady. I was grateful for his sturdy hand; it kept me from the many falls that would have happened otherwise.

After half an hour, I started to feel agitated. "I can't do this, it's too hard!" I complained and sat down on the sidewalk. My father took a seat next to me.

"Abby," he said quietly, taking my chin in his hand and forcing me to look at him. "You'll never learn if you give up now."

I mulled over his words for a moment before quietly ushering an “okay.” There was no point in arguing with my father, he was always right. With a little more determination, I got back on my bike and tried again.

After a couple tries, I finally got the hang of it. My bike was moving smoothly along the pavement, instead of wobbling like it had before. I picked up speed and began to feel a light breeze against my cheek. When I glanced beside me, I realized that my dad had let go. Frantically, I pressed on the brakes hard, coming to a halt on the sidewalk and nearly falling off my bike.

My dad was at my side in an instant. My eyes must have been opened as wide as they could go, because when my dad looked at me, he had laughed. "Why so surprised?" he said. "I knew you had it in you."

I smiled back at him.

"Are you ready to give it another go?" he asked, patting my shoulder.

"Can we have those sandwiches first?"

"Sure."

I got off my bike and followed my dad towards the park. It was busy that day, and there wasn't much shade left to sit in. My dad and I picked a large oak tree and sat down beneath it.

"I like this tree," I said enthusiastically, slapping my hand against its trunk.

My dad chuckled. "And why this tree?" he had asked.

I wasn't exactly sure why I had decided that I liked the tree. It probably had nothing to do with the actual tree itself, but instead the fact that I was sitting under it with my dad. After that, whenever I came to the park I looked for the tree. I always knew where to find it, because a heart with the initials “C.L + L.H” had been carved into it.

My mind slowly came back to reality. Composedly, my fingers ran across what was left of the trunk. The heart with the initials was gone, along with any other memories that had been carved into the tree. My fingers came along to the rings that ran through it. Briefly, I thought about counting them before I realized that there were too many to count. The tree had definitely been past its prime.

So many of my memories had been captured in its sturdy trunk, its slender branches, and its fragile leaves. The time I had broken my arm by falling out of it when I was eleven. My first kiss under it when I was fourteen. Saying goodbye to it was like saying goodbye to a part of myself that I wasn't ready to let go of yet.

I took out a pocketknife from my jacket pocket, and hoping that no one would notice, I began to carve my own message into it. Thank you.

Hey Confetti, and welcome to YWS!

Aw. This was sweet. I like these kind of stories that aren't packed with action, but instead consist of emotion, a character, and something different.

I was left wondering a few things though. Firstly - how old is the main character? She says in the beginning "when I was young", which made me think of her as an adult. In the end though, she says "like saying goodbye to a part of myself that I wasn't ready to let go of yet", which is something I would imagine a young person would say. Besides, she doesn't sound that old throughout the story.

Secondly, for some reason it wasn't obvious to me why she was saying goodbye to it. I'd understand it if the tree was about to be cut down, but if it already has been and she's accepted the fact, why is she saying goodbye now?

Also, since the part with the bike basically takes up the whole story, and her dad is obviously a big part of it and her life, it seemed a little rushed to me that his death was just briefly mentioned in a subordinate clause - as if he wasn't that important after all.

However, I liked how the "adult" narration sounded a bit different from when she was a child. I don't know if you did that intentionally.

Finally, a little nitpick:

it's sturdy trunk, it's slender branches, and it's fragile leaves.

"It's" means "it is" - you want to have "its".


I hope you'll have a great time on YWS! If you need any help navigating, I'll be more than glad to help you out!


Demeter
x

Story was pulling on the heartstrings from childhood memories to present tense
Though it was strong in the emotional department, it lacked originality and creativity. One must conquer this in order for their voice to be heard.

Keep up the hard work and don't give up.

Hiya,
Returning the favor for "Secrets". I liked this, it was so sweet, so emotional. You just got everything right! I didn't notice anything wrong with it. Except this:

Two people lay on a blanket across the park, watching as their children ran around with bare feet, laughing.

That's all. Keep writing, this was beautiful.