Outfoxed ch. 2

Golda didn't keep him in suspense. She frog-marched her superiors towards the barracks, setting a brisk pace. Behind her back he grinned.
*
"I cannot believe this!" The captain, a graying dog fox, shook his head. "Three times you disobey orders, and now it's mutiny."

The barracks was a cold place. Built of stone and timber, it lacked the inviting air of an otter's den.

"Sir. These cowards have no compassion- they're-"

"I understand, but rules are rules. Sergeant Ven, relieve this cub of her weapons." Golda stood rigidly as they did so.

They were going to take her cloak as well when the captain intervened. Time to speak up, Bax thought. He said, "Sir? If it's worth anything, I did steal this weapon. Take it." He offered the sword, hilt first.

"I see... how unusual. Look here, Ven- some integrity is being shown!" To Bax, "I know there's little chance I could recruit you. Still, we're in need of honest creatures. Think about it."

Head whirling, he held up a paw for quiet. If I accept, I'm a traitor. Or so the villagers will think. If i decline- what'll become of Golda?

"Cap'n, let me show him out." Staj took a belligerent step forwards.

"No, wait! Let me tell my father. I'll be back by sunset."

"Kit-"

"The name's Bax, Jem Baxter. Looks we'll see more of each other."

I love the story! It is quite fun to see the mutiny unfold. In a way I feel as if I have not been properly introduced to the characters. We are to the second chapter and I still do not feel connected with Bax yet. I am getting into the place and time, but I have yet the see who is here. It feels a little hurried. Do you think that maybe you could put more description in between the dialogue? It was a good story and I am excited for more!

I haven't read the first chapter yet. It's a little confusing, but interesting. It should be "The barracks WERE a cold place" instead of was, right? There were a few other grammer mistakes, but they can be fixed by a quick once-over of the piece. It's a really short chapter, maybe a little too short. I'd lengthen it, if I were you. That's about it.
-tgirly