I will learn how to live, when I learn how to die

I blinked, I swallowed, then raised my eyebrows. I wanted to laugh for some reason or to scream. My mother wailed. I didn’t say anything. When someone tells you your going to die, what do you say? I felt numb, but I wasn’t sad or scared. I was nothing. I wanted to make a joke to try wipe out the disgusting atmosphere that had taken hold of this spacey doctor’s office. But my mind was not functioning enough to think of any.

‘Fuck’ I finally said and my mother wailed even loader.

‘I am so sorry Stephen’ Dr Allen said as he gave me a look I will never forget. The most intense look of pity I’ve ever felt.
A butterfly tumour, that’s what I have. Right in that part of the brain you just can’t get at. It is as Dr Allen told me ‘terminal’. It’s terminal. I’d spent my whole life thinking I was invincible. Nothing was stronger than me. I was a force more powerful than life. I was the sun, the sea and the earth all compact in to one single being. I was fire and I was water. I could run faster than the wind that chased me. I was it. I was power and strength.

Sitting in this bright but now ridiculously depressing room I begin to shrink. I feel myself slipping away. What am I if not unconquerable? My mom sobbing like a lunatic threw her arms around me and I let her.

When we arrived home mom broke down again and so did dad. My dad, a hard man if ever there was one cried. That killed me. I felt like I was going to puke so I left said I was going for a walk. The two were too wrapped up in the own pain to care. I walked thirteen blocks with one thought in my head, ‘dead man walking’, I found it kind of funny.
I don’t believe I’m going to die. I don’t. I’m not going to die. That jackass doctor made a mistake I figured. I’m not going to die. I don’t want to die, therefore I wont. I laughed out loud, I think I’m going crazy. I’m not going to die.
I decided since I wasn’t going to die I’d call up my girlfriend. I was horny, bet you someone who was going to die wouldn’t be horny. But I was, I’m as alive as anyone.

My girlfriend would have sex with me. She always did, she’s so easy. Gorgeous, absolutely stunning she is but she’s so easy. Admittedly I liked that about her, I always went for the easy girls. All good looking girls, model looks even but the more of them I get with the more I realise there all the same. All good looking girls have an air of arrogance about them and no real love for anything but what everybody else loves and that’s not love that’s fakness. Pretty girls can be real fake. Pretty girls are also real loud. Most lads will say they like a girl with a lot of confidence, personally it pisses me off. I do tend to go for those kind of girls I’ll admit it but I don’t like them or anything. I just go for them. I don’t know why. I guess I feel it’s expected of me. Like if I went for a different kind of girl, a girl with a soul like the lads would think less of me. They probably would.

My girlfriend Rachel, she’s real pretty. Amazing figure like flat tummy, sexy little belly button ring, a nice rack I don’t know the size exactly but there nice like. She has savage legs too, sallow skin, long brown hair and big brown eyes, she was gorgeous I’ll admit it, I was proud of her. I love showing her off to the lads, but deep down there was nothing special about her, she was to me just like everyone else.

I’d never tell Rach anything, all we talked about was tv and sex. Rach was sexy thought that’s why I asked her out. I wanted to make her mine because if I didn’t any bloke could be riding her.

I don’t believe what they say about sex being all special and crap. It sure feels nice and all but it’s not core shaking or anything. Having sex with Rach didn’t make me love her, she didn’t love me neither. It just was what it was sex. Just like it’s always been since the first time I had it. I was fourteen.

I was so fucking scared that day I almost pissed myself. I’d been with this girl Stacey for like two months. She was sixteen and had done it before. She was a real trollop. Bleach blonde hair and huge tits. We decided to do it anyway since we’d done everything else. I really wanted to do it, I did but only because I wanted to be able to say ‘Yeah I had sex, haa why have you not?’. So anyway we decided at the local disco we’d go out back and do it in the bushes. We found a nice spot, hardly any branches poking at us or nothing and we were well hidden. I didn’t want to do it here though and I couldn’t understand why she did. Didn’t girls like this stuff to be all romantic? Stacey didn’t, nor did any of the other girls I’ve been with since, not really. They just did it.

We lay down in our little bush anyway, I put my coat on the ground like a gentleman, you know. We started kissing like crazy and I lifted up her skirt and yanked down her thong (all trollops wear thongs). I didn’t pull it down all the way though, just low enough so I could get it in. She unzipped my jeans and out popped Johnny. I shifted it around them and I did what I thought I was supposed to do until it was over. I’m going to tell you know in all honesty, they were the worst five minutes of my life.

I didn’t go back into the disco with Stacey, said I was going down to the chipper to meet the lads and gave her a kiss. I didn’t go to the chipper I went home and cried. I lay on my bed and cried like a fucking baby. I’ve never hated myself more than I did in that moment.

Right, the name's Wisp but you can call me "Reviewer" 'cause that's who I'm going to be at the moment.

First thing's first, I advise you - seriously - to review your dialogue. Try reading it outloud to see if it makes sense, because the whole "It is" problem is universal and it bugs the crackers out of me. As you did, you started out with a normal - teenage kind - of dialogue and then you abruptly went into the whole "...It is stronger than us..."
Another thing, the whole it's stronger than us, to me does not make any sense. Those were the few nitpicks I found and well , to be honest they just bugged me.
Lastly, I saw a few typos and punctuation errors but I don't have enough time at the moment to point them out - otherwise I would. So I advise you - as always - to revise your work and make sure that you correct those few mistakes and you're work will be flawless, well... after you also check the wording and just overall re-read your work and check it out to make sure that even to yourself that all your sentences aren't run-ons -not that they are - but just make sure. XDD Never can be too careful, right?

Overall, I liked it. The whole Terminal thing is really cool and the idea seems to have a direction and a flow - it's kindof like an arrow pointing in the right direction going : "We're going this way! Follow us and we'll show you what's going on!" Sooo.. If you understood that, then it's a whole complicated way to say that I really liked it. XDD

Write on,

~Writteninstone [Wisp]

#BF0000 ">corrections/changes
comments

I blinked, I swallowed, then raised my eyebrows. I wanted to laugh for some reason or to scream. -- I didn't like this line all that much. I mean, if you explain what's causing turmoil in the character's world later, "for some reason" bugs me. It doesn't fit too well. Perhaps revise it to something like, "I wanted to laugh in spite of things - or maybe scream, cry." My mother #BF0000 ">wailed. I didn’t say anything. - I feel like you need a better transition between the last line and the next. Give us an idea that the person's dying before you say the next line. - When someone tells you #BF0000 ">you'regoing to die, what do you say? I felt numb, #BF0000 ">but I wasn’t sad or scared. I was nothing. I wanted to make a joke to try wipe out the disgusting atmosphere that had taken hold of this spacey doctor’s office. -- Here, I just feel like you're trying too hard to get description. I would revise that sentence to make it less awkward and flow better. It just doesn't work with the character's voice.[/color]But my mind was not functioning enough to think of any.

"Fuck," I finally said and my mother #BF0000 ">wailed even loader.

There are a lot more corrections you'll need to go back and make. While I like the idea of this story (and the title is quite interesting, by the way; nice pick), your descriptions/dialogue are often awkward, and your grammar is a bit lacking. Make sure you go through and re-check your work a few times before posting it. You can always edit it after posting, of course, but just make sure you look for grammatical errors and awkward sentences. 'Flow' isn't just for poems.

It’s terminal. Stronger than us? I’d spent my whole life thinking I was invincible. Nothing was stronger than me. I was a force more powerful than life. I was the sun, the sea and the earth all compact in to one single being. I was fire and I was water. I could run faster than the wind that chased me. I was it. I was power and strength.

^
I absolutely loved that paragraph, by the way. It was quite powerful and gave us an amazing image of the character's self-image and situation.

This actually very good but your context is a little rushed. Make sure to look it over because there are commas and periods needed in some places. I'm very interested in your story because it reminds me of the the story Catcher in the Rye. The main character in your story somewhat reminds me of the Holden in Catcher in the Rye. Keep writing.