Blood

Dripping down my face once more
The hollow eyes, the shallow whore
The wallpaper is crumbling, a motel for sure
Teardrops like rain and bloodlines torn

Sitting on a bed so rusty and torn down
Never forget to pretend to be so proud
Cherish this dump for you are not allowed
To bad mouth this place or they'll take you downtown

They ask questions about who you really are
For thoughts have escalated out of my car
Honesty is not allowed in any rotting part
Of this place where there isn't a good way to start

For what shall I witness upon my frozen eye?
Maybe a glaze at the clock to check the time
Or maybe I could sing a little rhyme
To forget about the reality of losing your life

A begign dictator with a swollen face
Has kept everything at a steady pace
Still are the days of a singular race
Where secrets lie in an unexpected place

Listen to the silence at night
Where are we exposed to the coldest light
Everyday is just another new fight
For staying alive in hands trembling with fright

The past and the future doesn't matter to anyone
It's all about now in the eyes of all thoughts which begun
With a simple idea of peace for everyone
But turned upside down for the benefit of none

Exposure to human nature at the peak of it's truth
The exploitation of summers wasted pondering at youth
Hours wishing to be free from all of the abuse
But only to fantasize that you could make the next move

You can barely ever write things from your own skull
After all the politicians said 'writing is dull'
Picking up a pen and writing sure does break the mould
If justice made us who we are then justice is sold

Libraries gave us power, for them it was the gun
The power to raise violence on just about everyone
This must be their own idea of fun
There must be a reason why it all had begun

The wind that shakes through like bullets in the air
Endless nights of solitude, biting away in despair
All they can do is just stop and stare
In their world there is no such thing as fair

This poem of yours gives me a great idea of the situation/nature of the character. The first half describes a great happening which I love. Then fades to what we as man kind and the power we have. Lovely Great work.

My computer keeps having seizures I have literally reviewed this like eight times I am spitting anger right now.
Ugh let me try again

567ajt wrote:To bad mouth this place or they'll take you downtown

the last bit of the sentence is a little too colloquial besides which I doubt that some of these places even have downtowns though I could be wrong of course.

567ajt wrote:A begign dictator with a swollen face

benign
The last three stanzas are perfect I think the first part of the poem was a little slow. I have to keep this short or my computer will do something horrible and delete everything I wrote yet again.

It was amazing i loved it nothing i would change. Not really my style so im surprised i liked it. Keep it up ^-^

Amazing, I really enjoyed reading it an being able to almost see it as it was happening.

Dear Non-Rival! I found yet another amazingly written poem where you're the creator!

The imagery was amazing, everything feels vivid and I can picture it all play out very well in my head As you allready know how I feel about punctuation... and that you don't feel the same, I won't comment on that. The structure of the stanza was really good though, and your lines were of good length as most places so even without dots and commas I could work out the rythm and find a flow.

I enjoyed reading every line of this piece up until;
"After all the politicians said 'writing is dull' " It felt as if you only wrote this to make it rhyme with skull, and I don't know.. maybe this is fictional and the politicians actually said it was dull but I just didn't like it

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness