Dancing with the devil

Spoiler

This was a spur of the moment thing so don't be too harsh!

It rings clearly through my mind,
I remember that crucial day,
when the Devil himself
Shared his dance with me.

I sat alone at the table in the corner,
While all the prettier, confident girls twriled gracefully by,
Shooting me looks of smug satisfaction,
And I lowered my gaze.

I stared at the glittering marble floor
Knowing tonight would be lonely,
Until a hand extended itself towards me
A deep voice asked, "may I have this dance?"

My astonished gaze travelled up,
From the glossy floor to beautiful, yet haunting blue eyes,
Belonging to a tall, dark-haired stranger
Who lead me out to the dance floor.

A tempo began to play,
Getting faster and faster,
Our feeting moving swiftly,
Quickly, gracefully in perfect sync.

Taking my waist in one stealthy movement
He dipped me low and back up again
A few more glides across the floor
Passing the pretty and arrogant girls

They watched with glares of icy jealousy
As the last few notes
Sang their melody
He pulled me in close,

A kiss is planted
And then he pulled away
A small smirk crossing his lips
"You are a natural. I hope to dance again one day."

Bidding me a short farewell,
A wicked glint in his eyes.
He retreated into the dark night,
While I watched, stunned, from the side.

A flash of red and then he'd gone,
Leaving behind a calling card on the table,
I picked it up, inspected it closely,
The number only three digits long.

Six, Six, Six it reads.
That's when I knew.
That was the night I danced with the devil.

Ooooh, this was so creepy...in an amazingly good way! I loved it! If I we were allowed to push the "like" button more than once, I would push it about seven times, maybe more....oh, this was so GOOD! I didn't see anything wrong with it to critique. It was just so excellent. I hope to hear more like this, it was awesome-sauce.

I liked the creepiness in it. it's good.

Ouu I really liked this! It had a creepy intensity. The story throughout was very interesting and kept me wanting to read more. I also really loved the description and imagery in here. It was actually just like a little story
For me, the beginning was alright. I thought that the flow was a little jumpy, and not as smooth. Also (I'm not sure whether you did this on purpose or by accident) but you starting rhymning some lines at the end. I really liked these lines, and thought that it flowed a lot better. I would suggest keeping the same pattern throughout. However, if you don't really care for rhymning poems, then that is fine. It is your poem afterall. :p

Also, I found one little typo at the end:

A flash of red and then he'd he's gone,

I think that sounds better

Anyways, I really enjoyed this poem! You have a lovely writing style
*following you*

Good glory! This is such a piece of work. Dance with the Devil?! I'm impressed. You really know how to pick 'em. Keep writing for the sake of writing and you'll be one of the popular ones in no time.

It has a folk story feel to it, I don't know if that was intentional but it works. the "I hope to dance again one day" left me in a kind of suspense. It made me wonder if this girl would ever actually meet the devil again, it is quite haunting, will she meet him in this life or the next? I like the fact that the poem left loose ends untied. A good read.

oooh! this gave me shivers! I love the creepiness in it, it made it beautiful, if that makes any sense. I think it's amazing! Awesome job! I hope to see more like this!

ur poem wuz really crazy. i thought it wuz really good. keep writing girl!

Wow:D Creepy, intense, but amazingly captivating. I did find when I read this out loud that the rhythm didn't quite flow nicely in the first two stanzas, but it got better towards the end. For example:

I sat alone at the table in the corner,
While all the prettier, confident girls twriled gracefully by,
Shooting me looks of smug satisfaction,
And I lowered my gaze.

The second line is a bit too long to fit with the two that follow.

crucial day,

Also here, I think crucial isn't the word you're looking for. Might it be special? Maybe it's just me, but "crucial" doesn't sound right :/

Either way, I really like this:)
polina x

Absolutely wonderful piece! It may sound stupid to say so, but it sort of had a "Pride and Prejudice"/ "Wuthering Heights" feel to it (which is why I loved it so much). The end was all sorts of fantastic, as it sent chills up my spine. I can't reiterate enough just how much I love it!

This poem was so creepy, but in a good way. I love the dark message and how, at least this is how I preceived it, there is an underlying story where the whole dance is just one giant metaphor used to describe something like a dark time in a person's life where they unwittingly followed the Devil.
Keep up the good work! I'd love to read more poems like this one.

Creepy, yet bueatiful and graceful! I enjoyed reading this, it gave me goosebumps. I hope to read more

Hello! My favorite Rival! Here I've come to review this piece of yours!

So I'll begin to say that this was both intriguing and amazing and cute at the same time! I like the way you built your stanzas even though there were a few lines that were too long to be easily read. Part from those few occations though, both rythm and flow was great! I also like that you use punctuation, I review too many pieces without it and yep, some people think it's okay and that it's a form of poetry but I just think it's dangerous - one might suffocate!
Eh, also, great imagery and thie story you're telling with a dance with the devil is quite original! It was an interesting read and I liked it all the way down to the last stanza where I got a bit disturbed.

First line - I like the thing with the numbers, but you wrote "it reads" when on the next line you write "I knew" that's to different tenses... so either change "reads" to "read" or "knew" to "know". Finally the last line is too long and the whole piece would be much better if you split it so it covered two lines. That way, the flow goes on and the last stanza is built the same way as the rest of the poem

That was it for me; Here comes the reward... I'll give you 4/5 icky, sticky spiders!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

I'm drawn to love the diabolic elegance of this poem, it truly is gripping through its velvety smooth grasp. although im rather perplexed as to what role the girls had to play, i was hoping that near the end of the poem you would seal the significance and add the final piece of the puzze but, you only did this for the devil with that 666 calling card trick you pulled off (which found to be quite impressive)

Ever heard of a rapper called immortal technique? well, strongly recommend that you listen to his track "Dance with the Devil"

Great minds think alike guess. This poem truly was great.

//Abyss.

I'm drawn to love the diabolic elegance of this poem, it truly is gripping through its velvety smooth grasp. although im rather perplexed as to what role the girls had to play, i was hoping that near the end of the poem you would seal their significance and add the final piece of the puzzle but, you only did this for the devil with that 666 calling card trick you pulled off (which i found to be quite impressive)

Ever heard of a rapper called Immortal Technique? well, strongly recommend that you listen to his track "Dance with the Devil"

Great minds think alike i guess. This poem truly was great.

//Abyss.