No Sound

Faces pressed flat against glass windows
Ten men in a room for two
Censhorships stop here
No isolation; only detoxification

Abnormal relationships formed
In corners and on floors
Breathless- breeding and cramped on all fours
No view, no sense of time

It was a strange way to go
The ultimate excuse for fading away

Edging towards a child you may keep
Retreading the boards pretty young thing
You'll get your reward: permission to speak
A place to yourself, a garden with swings
Hand written cards donating to ease the burden
Where is my release?

Face up to them all
As they sway side to side
They put me on show
Disgust and rewinds
To take life away
Was life really there?
No sound must mean no

But what did you expect from talking to a brick wall?
I have to get out of this dead end which shatters change
Traditions in the dark; the anxiety of sitting down
The fear's taken hold already

The poem is quite abstract, and is pretty good. I like how you keep the reader thinking of your poem's meaning and letting him/her figure it out. Very nice! Keep it up! I like the feelings and emotions running in the words. The words have a kind of tone to themselves. The putting together of words is very difficult. That's why I never tried lyric poetry. I just don't have the touch.

This wasn't half bad - I don't think the last line of the first stanza fits, no matter how much I love the use of the word detoxification. Also, you dragged out the 'No sound means no' part for too great a time for me, I think it would have been incredibly more effective had you used it once, or even twice at maximum.
This was powerful, and well-devised, but it has the potential to be fantastic. Keep writing.

Very interesting and abstract. I like it a lot. I don't really care to critique poetry so much, but this is very interesting. I like the imagery a lot. The only thing I would change is the ending because it does drag on a bit. I love it though! Censorship is wrong and taking someone's voice really makes me angry. I love how you effectively put that idea out there with this haunting poem.

Good job! Keep writing stuff like this! Ciao!
-Nana

I really liked the disturbing images you portrayed to me. Although you had me lost at the start, it all then came clearer as I read further on. I still cannot get my head around to where the sound is in the pictures. Maybe I'm lacking the image you are trying to get through. Believe it or not, I probably read this more than ten times, trying to see where the title of your poem fits in, I cannot.

Don't let me get you down, I loved it.

This poem was well written and...let's use "vivid" :p You used imagery VERY effectively, even though some images were well disturbing. I don't think I fully understood the poem, it was abstract and well, I have to keep reading it and I still don't quite get it. Good job though, I loved reading it (even the fifth time)

Once again, I am here! Your poetry is so wonderful.

I really, really liked this one. It's sad and made my heart go, "omg no D:" but that's a good thing 'cause you used imagery and tone effectively once again! Huzzah!

Dunno if it was on purpose, but I totes thought of gas chambers for the first half of this poem at least. The detoxification actually got me thinking to that, which is ironic... but yeah. So my brain was already going "NOOO" whilst reading this.

Edging towards a child you may keep
Retreading the boards pretty young thing
You'll get your reward:

This sentence confused me the most grammatically. The poem itself could use punctuation, but this part I still can't make sense of. If you wrote it without the linebreaks, it might be easier to see: "Edging towards a child you may keep retreading the boards pretty young thing you'll get your reward: ..." It's a run-on sentence that doesn't compute well for me. xD This happens frequently, and I find it your biggest weakness. Which, honestly, isn't much of a weakness since you can easily fix it!

No sound must mean no

This line only appears once, but I feel like it just solved the puzzle for me. I'm one of those poem-readers who likes to end the poem figuring things out. The previous poem I read was like that! I got to fill in the blanks. For this one, this line right here just solved it for me. My heart crashed and burned. Purhaps just say "no sound" or "must mean no". I prefer the former since it draws correlation to the title.

Finally, I wonder if maybe you mix too many different metaphors? It's a style thing once again. (I seem to mention a lot of style things, don't I?) But for instance, the final stanza refers to a brick wall setting while the first stanza had glass windows. There wasn't consistency in that, so maybe that was on purpose and I missed the meaning behind that entirely.

Anyhoot, all that aside, I can only really stress some punctuation. It would make the reader's life so much easier in comprehending these kinds of poems, and your poems are worth comprehending. So something to think about! Some poems use little to no punctuation for effect, but the effect has to have something to do with the poem itself. Not just for kicks. I'd suggest using some! See how it looks/reads.

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

The words "abstract" is reappearing in these reviews above so I was thinking I was gonna come up with another words to describe your piece at the fully - But sorry, that's really the word! That's not all to it though, I think you're quite creative using much imagery, but as someone pointed out it doesn't really make sense - what I mean is, you use descripitive words to make your poem more vivid, which is great - but it seems like the imageries you use doesn't really describe what you are.. eh describing I'm mumbling, but I hope you understand Also, I must say this; Because I haven't done a full review if I don't; Punctuation for the sake of my goddesses! The flow and rythm worked, but it could've been better. I'm a fan of order, it give a better full impression so my wish is that you try keeping a certain pattern. Don't use so many different kinsd of stanzas and keep your lines a certain length Overall, This was enjoyable but has potenital to be admirable! 3 and a half icky spider to you (There are five)

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness