Four Poems

Good day all, I'm new to this and still don't quite understand how it all works. In any case, here are four poems written today to try and get the ball rolling, come what may.

Walks

The tender sands lend themselves to footsteps,
Gently falling in a sweet caress down
And round the foot in kind embrace; we sink
But slightly, walking on the golden shores
Of dreams. Our conversation floats aside
Unhinged by spaciousness of place along
The sea-front. Small and smiling winds stroke us
All, upon the hill-top in the April
Evening. Orange seeps deep magenta skies
And we are, for once, happy.

Lamppost

Then suddenly the mists congealed and stung
My eyes with bright, a bold blue-orange orb
Of sentimental light. The beauty hung
From old grey frames, the shining would absorb
The very life, which stood between us two.
The grey arch speaks to me without conceit,
It speaks of its great treasure, burden too,
Which slowly spread around my aching feet.
And sadly staring straight into my eyes,
Her burdened back arched by her little gift,
The bearer of true sorrow slowly cries.
She opens up the path ahead and lifts
Her head each day, knowing her duty’s might,
It’s thanks to her roads glow with God’s delight.

Stand Still

Your will is glory, yours in beauty’s hymn.
Two lovers, sharing in your timeless arc
Bent round both fill with passion, writhing limb;
They move in rhythm, spreading in the dark
Sat motionless, two winds that blow both ways
Come once, strong winds make perfect stillness.
With fury distant silence fills the days,
The only motion love’s eternal stillness.
The washing up is done and now we sit
Quite still, hands clasped, our souls and bodies spent,
No words are spoken, yet we both emit
A thoughtfulness, charmed by your soothing scent.
Your name, Content; you are our noble lord,
And shield, we stand as one with you our sword.

An Italian Prayer

I paint The Lord’s Prayer on the open night
And shuffle cards, tempting Fate’s short fuse.

We both fell sea-sick, hidden from the crew
We joke and play, I veiled from his sight
Down in the cabin, in the dim half-light,
His stature great as Genesis anew

Will not subdue me, knowing I can choose;
For I have played my hand, I chose to fight.
He sneers, his majesty is great, his speed
Of mind is sleight, and I shall conquer him.
He rests his cards face down, and takes me on
To deck, looks upwards, in his eyes a plead,
Returning down to where the light is dim
We both embrace to see the cards have gone.

Did you write these all today? Because they are really good! (My favorite is the first one.) I didn't see any grammer errors, so good job. The ideas of them all were really good too! The words flow smoothly, and I didn't feel like any of it was forced, if that makes sence. Good job and keep writing!

The sea-front. Small and smiling winds stroke us
All, upon the hill-top in the April
Evening. Orange seeps deep magenta skies

It was mainly in these three lines that I discovered my annoying little nitpick. When you're using enjambment (running onto the next line in the same train of thought) you shouldn't capitalize the first letter of the next line. Well, to be honest, I've heard that it can be done either way, but in my opinion it would make the poem flow much more easily, as well as making it become more personal and generally effective.
Aside from that, I did love these poems - they were beautifully-written, with plenty of impressive images that you painted very clearly into the reader's mind. Well done.

he first one and "Stand Still" are great! Great use of imagery and it wa all so lyrical and beautiful. Congratulations!

Really loved these:

The tender sands lend themselves to footsteps,
Gently falling in a sweet caress down
And round the foot in kind embrace; we sink
But slightly, walking on the golden shores
Of dreams.

and:

Your will is glory, yours in beauty’s hymn.
Two lovers, sharing in your timeless arc
Bent round both fill with passion, writhing limb;
They move in rhythm, spreading in the dark
Sat motionless, two winds that blow both ways
Come once, strong winds make perfect stillness.
With fury distant silence fills the days,
The only motion love’s eternal stillness.

Let me tell ya something budd, one of the things I like best about your poems is they're short xD but kidding aside. They're to the point and really good.

You're descriptive style has a good flow and it's not all bogged down with big words. It sinks into the brain well and I can see everything you're writing. Not many people can do that! So I commend you on that.

Honestly I'm actually surprised you don't have more than four reviews on this (counting mine). These are actually really good. Are you sure you didn't get them out of my school's literary book? xD jk

Anyway, I don't really see anything wrong. I'm not much of a grammar buff what I look at is how well the sentence flows and story telling ability. So, Story telling: Check. Sentence flow: Check. It all looks good to me. So, what would be a challenge is if you could write something long without compromising these two things. Then i'll definitely give you your props.

Hi. I'm Jade. I like your poems.

Poem #1
I really like your language here. Your way of describing the ordinary with unusual language is very pretty.
Although I like what you're saying with "on the golden shores of dreams" I feel like it's just a bit too cliche for me.
Love this: "Small and smiling winds stroke us"
and this: "Orange seeps deep magenta skies"

Poem #2
Very cool idea of the description and personification of a lampost.
But I did find it a little too literal for my taste.
What I would suggest is taking lines like "The grey arch speaks to me without conceit,
It speaks of its great treasure, burden too" and " Her head each day, knowing her duty’s might,
It’s thanks to her roads glow with God’s delight" and muddling them up a bit with beautiful language. I will give your poem a bit more edge and shed some of it's amateurishmess.

Poem #3
I like your rhyme scheme. I'm always impressed with those who can rhyme well and unostentatiously in poetry, and you have.
My only criticism for this poem is that it's a bit disjointed. You jump directions (or that's how I felt when I was reading it) about three times in a very short poem, which gave me a bit of whiplash trying to find out your meaning.

Poem #4
I really liked this one as well. I loved where you say "I paint The Lord’s Prayer on the open night And shuffle cards, tempting Fate’s short fuse. We both fell sea-sick, hidden from the crew." It's just beautifull different.
And I guess my only criticism for this poem is just that it's a bit too literal.
Like here "He rests his cards face down, and takes me on
To deck, looks upwards, in his eyes a plead"

But really just a little revision and introspection is all you need.
Love,
Jade.