Life of a Mountain-Inception

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A strange creature was the mountain, it was named "the mountain" but it was not actually one, it was a frail insect which had spikes on its back which gave him the name of mountain which was kind of ironic, as the creature was so small. But there was something in the mountain, that the mountain did not realize.

The mountain had but one strength is this world, it had a very strong defense mechanism in place, but since the mountain was so small no other predator wished to eat him especially with the hard shell he had. He was just not worth the effort. The mountain was probably the very last of its kind or the only one of its kind, it had no idea. Since his inception he had been in a shell, not very confident of venturing into the outer world in fear he might be too frail for the world. This left him with the idea that he was probably lonely in this world and had to be the same as no one would take interest in him not even for eating him. Now mother nature has always special plans for even the most seemingly inconsequential animals, so one day as the mountain was feeding on his favorite food of grass juice, a strong gale swept by aiming to blow the mountain into a distant land, now the mountain looked light but it wasn't very light thanks to its shell, so it sailed in the wind not for long and dropped into a land where he was not supposed to be, or was he?
As the mountain landed from the great height of the eucalyptus tree it felt sure death was nearing, but that was not the case as the shell was intact and all mountain had to do was to draw into the shell and land safely. This accident rather incident gave mountain tremendous joy, almost dying, losing your environment and food source, doesn't seem too happy to me or you does it? But for the mountain it was of immense joy, you see the mountain had based his entire lifetime thinking he was of no good and that no one needed or wanted it. But seeing how a gale has swept him and death was calling for him, he felt valued and wanted. Also finding that his ugly shell was of some use (Saving his life), he was pleased.

The new world he landed in was different than the one he had been in earlier, you see the older environment of the mountain was according to him, it provided for him and assisted in its life. But the newer world of the mountain was for him to learn and grow, there wasn't much of grass but there was wheat, but the wheat had a harder crust than the soft grass. So it meant new effort for the mountain, slowly the mirth of this new place paled away and the mountain felt that he was better off in his older world. But there was no gale to take him back because the gale had only one direction. So slowly as was his speed the mountain started to venture in the world for a simpler food than wheat, in his search he found many other insects similarly wandering unaware of their surrounding, then he realized that he was not the only one in the gale swept to this new world. He tried to reach out but the mountain was too weird to fit in, feeling disregarded he started to strengthen his shell again and getting things into his shell, whatever could fit, he also started to sink his teeth into the hard crust of the wheat which did not break, but he got some taste of the wheat which was delicious so he decided to continue. Every day the mountain ventured out and gathered its bits and tucked it away into his shell, the mountain had always room for some more in his shell, but he never realized how much it could hold, always cursing his shell as a burden and something reducing him to an unwanted creation of God.

As time went by the mountain slowly started adapting to the environment, still not many insects wanted him, and he spent time mostly by himself and developing a new characteristic of weaving a yarn. The mountain could weave really fast and nice, but did not know the use of this, still he loved spending his time weaving aimlessly. And aimless he was, sometimes aimlessness is a bliss.
But despite his aimlessness and his spending his time weaving and nibbling on the wheat which was still elusive, he still felt he was the only one like him, that he had to use the best of his time by weaving and nibbling and collecting rubbish into his shell.

Then a life changing event passed. You see, the mountain was small so he could not travel very far so he never realized he was near a river, which was meandering with silt and ever so slowly edging near him, when one day the river did flood his environment and he was submerged, he had given up all hope of surviving thinking that this was the last straw, but when he hit the cool waters of the river he felt a refreshment never felt before, but still he felt longing for the grass and groves of his older world and the wheat and yarn of his new world, the mountain hit a hot current which took him upstream where there were a plethora of small creatures and the most beautiful of fish and most hideous of snails. This hot current also soaked the shell of the mountain, which started to swell and get softer, the mountain also started to feel a bit heavier, the water consisted of many small creatures which the mountain could feel upon and he also had the water to keep him energized and he started to grow larger for his shell.

When finally a day came when the mountain was metaphorically too large for his shell and he could live in it no longer, he had to swim and let the water replenish his body, so he started to fight it and break free from the shell , and after much effort he did break the shell to reveal his own self to the water, but his shell did not take all the things he had tucked away in it, rather they became the design of his being, he seemed a totally unseen creature not the mountain of older world. Now he was caught in yet another current which took him to the deepest beds of the river where he saw the beauty and royalty of the river, the sea horses and the hermit crabs and creatures so strange yet beautiful he could not envision. The river water was cool and it always acted as a balm for him, whenever he looked towards the surface of the water he could see the sun and the moon sparkle on the water creating a sketch of light and waves unseen earlier. The sea weed waved gracefully and the light danced on it as a ballerina dancing to a symphony. The fishes so deep were darker but the artwork of nature was unmistakable and poetic. The colors being the verse of the mother nature on the parchment of life. The mountain was mesmerized by the beauty of the place and decided he was to stay there for all eternity, but as it so happens in the lifetime of the mountain an earthquake hit the ocean bed and created a tsunami like no other and the mountain felt a sweep and was again in the hands of mother earth.

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Spoiler
I have written something after such a long time at it makes me feel so happy. :D
This is my fail attempt at writing prose. I am not good at it.
So please be nice to it. Or else, the mountain may burst into tears. XD


To be continued.
Are you living for the things you are praying for?




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I shall review this tomorrow ^^
"The rabbit always squeals in the jaws of the fox, but when has another rabbit ever rushed up to save it?" Damon Salvatore
;'( please, my lump, he just needs HUGS <3
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Amazingly creative coming of age and finding your place kind of story. The irony of how the simple yet elaborate creature, the "mountain", is along with his name provides a sort of David V.S. Goliath sort of vibe if you know what I mean. Where as the mountain fights the larger enemy of himself, an internal conflict of finding others that care for him, and he learns to overcome this by fitting into his ever changing surroundings. The mountain itself could represent anybody who at one point in their lives must leave their homes to live in a completely different land from their original home. The shell sort of symbolizes home, shelter, and survival among other things. I cannot wait to read the sequal! :)




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Hi I'm Shadowlight!

This read like a fable in so many ways or a childrens story. it was so lovely!

There are a few places where you use more modern words that don't fit with how the rest of the story is written but if you go back I'm sure you'd see.

This is such an interesting piece that I think could work as a childrens story if given the right pictures.

Good job!

~Shadow
"D*** the torpedoes! Four bells! Full speed ahead!"~ Admiral David Farragut




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Yo Eth!

So, prose from you is interesting. You can see that the words coming out are a little forced. It's just so different from what you write as poetry!
But in all, this is intersting, and different. Although I like it it, I'm not sure it's something I'd come back to read (since you put in the to be continued - like a serial!) because this in itself seems like an open end.
There isn't anything nitpicky that I can point out so just general stuff.

Voice: It starts off with an establish 'telling' voice which if done well, will not bore the readers. I'd say you're half way there. As Shadow said, it sounds like someone's telling a story to a child. And that's how it reads off - like you are telling a kid a story. If that's your intention, yay! If not, well rework a couple of phrases here and there.

Description : You have these sudden bursts of nice description which is good! Although, the tone of your story tends to counter the vivid description. Work on weaving the two together, so that it comes easy to you with this style.

PM me for part 2/ any questions or commments.
Cheers!
~Lava
~
Pretending in words was too tentative, too vulnerable, too embarrassing to let anyone know.
- Ian McEwan in Atonement

sachi: influencing others since GOD KNOWS WHEN.





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EHTE *glomps*

Sentence one: OHHAY, RUN-ON! :O

Here's my re-write:

I need a key, because I'm lame:

Blue=take out
Red=add in
(Parentheses)=you could add this, but I'm not sure about it.

A strange creature was the mountain#FF0000 ">. #FF0000 ">(Well,) It was named "the mountain"#FF0000 ">, but it was not actually one, it was a frail insect#FF0000 ">. which #FF0000 ">The creature had spikes on its back#FF0000 ">-- which #FF0000 ">these spikesgave #FF0000 ">had given him the name of #FF0000 ">"#FF0000 ">Mountain#FF0000 ">, which was kind of ironic, as the creature was so small. But there was something in the mountain, that the mountain did not realize#FF0000 ">...


(Edit: I think I used two shades of blue. :/ And I'm not sure about the "The creature" addition I made--that sentence might be a run-on, now. :/ Also, you should capitalize "The Mountain" and put it in quotation marks if that's going to be the bug's title.)

Oh, dear. I do hope that's not too confusing.

And the rest is pretty much like that. :| But! I love the story. It has a sort of Lord of the Rings feel to it! The beginning, in particular--it gives me the feeling that Bilbo Baggins is writing another story. :3

Overall, this is great! It just needs some touch-ups in the grammar/punctuation department.
(Ain't the English language fun?! :p)
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