The Room Is Burning

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Fire.

It travels around me, captivating my heart, lungs, and lips. It burns the very core of my stomach, leaving a mark of black ash, floating to my brain.

Heat.

It blows through me like a tornado, stealing homes, cars, and people into it's insides. I'm melting, each organ dripping their wax to the floor.

Burn.

Is the only word I can imagine, see, feel, hear, smell, and touch. I feel it intensifying within me, biting at every obstacle inside me.

You.

Are doing this to me.
Last edited by Nike on Wed Sep 21, 2011 2:30 am, edited 2 times in total.
"If I look like a monster,' he says roughly, 'then no one will be surprised when I do monstrous things." - A.B. Poranek




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Ooohh...This was interesting indeed! And it is actually short, which is part of the reason I like it.
The ending was especially wonderful! And the imagery was very nice as well.

Fire.

It travels around me, captivating my heart, lungs, and lips. It burns the very core of my stomach, leaving a mark of black ash#FF0000 ">, floating to my brain. The comma fits better there.

Heat.

It blows through me like a tornado#FF0000 ">, stealing homes, cars, and people into it's insides. I'm melting, each organ dripping their wax to the floor. A pause helps here.

Burn.

Is the only word I can imagine, see, feel, hear, smell, and touch. I feel it intensifying within me, biting at every obstacle inside me.

You.

Are doing this to me.


That's it from me :)
"If you ever have a problem don't say 'Hey God I have a big problem.' Rather 'Hey Problem... I have a big God and it's all going to be okay."




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The only thing I want to mention grammatically is that "it's" means "it is" and "its" is possessive, as in "it owns the car". Just watch that usage. I liked it, it was interesting. I think you should devote more description to all sections, like the Melt part, where it seemed a little offhanded.

Overall I like it. Expand it and see what comes of it.
:)
It's not the fall that kills you.

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