The War of the Swans: Chapter One: Bird Song

Four Years Later...

“I still don’t understand,” I said truthfully, looking confusedly between one of the black-suit clad guards to the other.
“As we’ve said before Miss,” said the shorter yet bulkier of the two guards with a heavy sigh, “your uncle, King James, has not given detail as to why you must come with us. He has only given us orders to come and collect you and bring you back to Italy with your father. That is all the information we know.”
“My Father? Charlie? Is he here? Do you have him now?” my heart leapt in my chest at the thought of that. Maybe my father could get me out of this.
This time, the taller, olive-skinned man answered me, “No. Your father should currently be on a private flight to New York, where you two will rendezvous before you head for Italy.”
I shook my head. “Listen, I don’t know what this is, but I only go to Italy in the summer. My uncle knows this, and if he actually needed me for something important he would have contacted me or my father directly.” Frustration and impatience started to seep into my tone as a result of the numerous times I had explained this to the two guards since the moment they had crossed the doorstep of my grandparents’ alabaster white estate in Shanghai.
I didn’t understand why my uncle would feel the need to send people to pull me from my home only one month before summer break. What was so important that it could not wait a month?
The short, bulky guard obviously did not care about my opposition because he suddenly checked his watch with such exaggeration that is could only be meant to indicate that his patience was running thin.
“Listen Miss,” said the guard with the watch, “our schedule is tight. We must leave for New York within the next two hours.”
I sighed, a little regretful now that I had decided not to go out to breakfast with my mother, grandparents, and the Zhengs. Now, I had no one to back me up, or at least hold these guards off long enough for me to run away.
“We will give you 45 minutes to gather you necessities for your leave,” said the tall guard, growing impatient now too.
I looked between the two guards again, measuring them up, and after a second I realized that it would do me no good to argue any further. I sighed heavily with defeat as I reluctantly rose from the fluffy comfort of my favorite couch.
“Oh, alright, I’ll get my stuff, but can you guys uh…wait outside?” I gestured towards the door.
They exchanged a look and stood with a shrug.
“45 minutes, Your Highness,” said the olive-toned guard before he bowed slightly and headed for the door. I winced at that. The other guard repeated the gesture I hated before exiting too.
I raced up the curving marble staircase two at a time and went straight to my room. I knew I would have no hope in getting these guards off my case so I decided to just pack an overnight bag, go to Italy, sort this nonsense out, and be on the first flight back to Shanghai with enough time to enjoy the rest of my weekend.
I randomly threw clothes and toiletries into a small, beat-up suitcase that I had salvaged from the floor of my clustered walk-in closet, while partially searching for my green and cream colored Sidekick. I found it in the mouth of the miniscule jade Buddha that sat on my nightstand and immediately dialed my father’s home number, cursing when I remembered that the guards said that he had probably left already.
I tried again, dialing his cell phone this time, praying silently that Charlie remembered how to work it. After five rings I got his voice mail.
“Dammit,” I fumed, racking my brains for my next move.
I dialed my mother, Mei, who protested just as I did, and then she settled down and asked if she could come with me. I told her there would be no point in that, seeing as I would be back tomorrow. She still fussed, like she always did, but gave in faster because my dad was going to be there.
I called Rose next, one of my best friends, explaining everything, which I shouldn’t have done, because she told all of my other best friends and they started calling me too. First Char. Then William. Then Mulan. Then Blake. Then Catalina. Then Alexander. By the time I got alone with all of them, my allotted 45 minutes was 8 minutes from over. I hurriedly packed my remaining random objects and made sure I had the single most important thing that I could not make this trip without: my iPod. Check and check.
I did a once over of my room and bathroom to make sure that I had all I needed and then I reluctantly walked down the stairs, out the door, and into the world I resisted the most: the world of Swans.

“As we’ve said before Miss,” said the shorter yet bulkier of the two guards with a heavy sigh, “your uncle, #FF0000 ">the King James, has not given detail as to why you must come with us#FF0000 ">. He has only given us orders to come and collect you and bring you back to Italy with your father. That is all the information we know.”

This time, the taller, olive-skinned man answered me, “No#FF0000 ">. #FF0000 ">Your father should currently be on a private flight to New York#FF0000 ">, where you two will rendezvous before you head for Italy.”

Frustration and impatience started to seep into my tone as a result of the numerous times I had explained this to the two guards since the moment they had crossed the doorstep of my grandparents’ alabaster white estate in Shanghai.

This is a bid of a run-on sentence. A period somewhere would be an easy fix.

watch with such exaggeration that #FF0000 ">is could only be meant to indicate that his patience was running thin.

“Listen Miss,” #FF0000 ">said the guard with the watch, “our schedule is tight. We must leave for New York within the next two hours,” #FF0000 ">he said swiftly, markedly checking his watch again.

You tell that he is speaking twice here, but if you lowered it to only one time, it would flow better.

I randomly threw clothes and toiletries into a small, beat-up suitcase that I had salvaged from the floor of my clustered walk-in closet, while partially searching for my green and cream colored Sidekick.

It would do this story good to break this sentence into two parts.

I told her there would be no point in that#FF0000 ">, seeing as I would be back tomorrow.

my remaining random#FF0000 ">ly objects and made sure I had the single most important thing that I could not make this trip without: my iPod. Check and check.

I did a once over of my room and bathroom to make sure that I had all I needed and then I reluctantly walked down the stairs, out the door, and into the world I resisted the most: the world of Swans.

I loved this ending.

Alright, sorry to be so picky, these are just suggestions. In no way do you have to change your work because of me. Ohey, and another thing, I didn't think of Twilight once while I read this. The plot is obviously completely different, so a couple similar names doesn't make much of a difference. This was good! And captivating. Something I did notice was that you didn't mention her name, but for all I know, you did that on purpose.

Hey there!

So I was shuffling with the shuffle button, and your work came up -- I usually choose not to read/review any other than chapter ones, if I haven't read the novel before, and yours said chapter one so I took it. However, I'm not sure if it was? I mean, it seems like I got in the middle of everything. But this is indeed the first part of the story, very nicely done! Refreshing from all those chapter ones that only talk about the main character and explain the history.

This seemed quite interesting, especially with the mentions of Italy and Shanghai and other cool places and names. I'm a bit confused as to who she actually is -- the princess of England? I thought of England, because they said her uncle was King James, and I automatically thought of James I of England. But it can't be, because she has an iPod. Hmm.

Also, who are all these people she calls at the beginning? Are they all important characters for the story? Even if they're not, there's quite a lot of them... almost too many, if you will. If they are important for the story, I can't understand how the readers will keep up with them all -- and if they aren't, I'm not sure if I care as a reader to hear a big list of people I don't know and thus don't care about. Also, what's with "Mulan"? All the other names seemed English to say the least, and then there's Mulan, which really threw me off. Sure, she has connections in Shanghai, which would explain the oriental name, but does it have to be Mulan? The connotations with Disney are much too strong and I wouldn't call it particularly wise to name a minor character something unexpected. Unless it's the actual Mulan she's friends with, which I doubt. Hmm.

Even if this happened in modern times, the iPod thing was also quite in-your-face. I don't say that princesses shouldn't/couldn't have iPods, but maybe have some other indications of the modern times earlier in the story, just so the contrast doesn't seem too huge?

Also, I like princesses and royalties and stuff like that, so it was nice to read something with those things in!


Demeter
x

Hey there!

So interesting story you have here! I enjoyed the start. In fact, that is what pulled me into reading this. Well done on the start.

Almost immediately, I realized she was either a princess or some royalty. And it came off as a bit ironic/too late in the story when they address her as Your Highness. Because until then, their speech seems somewhat disrespectful, juts calling her Miss. It just didn't sound too formal/correct to address a princess and so, I had my doubts as to her royal status.

Contrary to what Demeter said, I somehow figured it was 'modern' times from the way you mentioned the private jets and flights to NY. So, it didn't come as a major surprise to me about her iPod. Although, I would advice a little subtlety in announcing her love for music.

If she is royalty, why does she have a beat p suitcase in a house with marble staircases? It seems odd. Or maybe it's a princess' version of a beat up suitcase.

Another thing is, I figure she is in school and she calls up her school friends. Is it some exclusive royalty-school in Shanghai? Because the names of her friends suggest different nationalities.

Also; it would look nicer if your wrote down the numbers in words. Longer numbers such as 1991 can be written in numerals, though. ^^

Keep up the good work!

Cheers!
~Lava

I didn't know you had posted more of your story!!!

I really like this chapter, and I'm SO going to read the next ones A.S.A.P.

Thank you for all of your reviews!

@Demeter: Thanx for your read and comment Actually Isabel is Princess of Italy, and her uncle, King James is King of Italy, thats the guy in the beginning of the chapter who sends guards to take Isabel and her dad to Italy. The seven people that call Isabel are her best friends. The aren't a huge part of the story but they are mentioned here and there and I thought it would be good to get out the introductions in the first chapter. This is the third novella in a series about the main character, and since this is the only one where Isabel spends pretty much the whole time without her best friends, I thought that I should add them in here and there so this novella could stay connected to the rest of the series. Rose and Mulan I especially had to mention because they are mentioned a little more than the others. Isabels group of friends are all from different nationalities, and Mulan is Japanese-Chinese. I choose this name fore her character because i was looking for a name that meant "orchid" in chinese because that is Mulan's favorite flower, and I was also looking for a name that I could transform into Luna, her nickname. This character has nothing whatsoever to do with the Disney character, Mulan. They just happen to share the same name, which alot of characters in different works throughout the world do. And I do indicate that Isabel lives in modern times with hints that she has a cell phone, and that she has a jet to catch, but i still see what you r saying I just mentioned the iPod because she loves music! Anyway, thank you so much for your revier and your read, I really appreciate it!

@Lava: I totally get what you are saying about how they adress her as "Miss". I wasn't sure whether I should let them call her that, but I thought having them say "Your Highness over and over and over again would be too...choppy? But maybe I should change it annyway. + Yeah, I was also wondering whether I should put in that she loved music but I didnt know where I would introduce that fact so that it flowed with the story. I figured if I put that she couldnt survive in Italy without her iPod it would be hint enough :-p + Haha, the suitcase isn't horribly beat up, but a little...used. I was trying to show that even though she is a princess, she doesn't really want to live like one. She doesn't really love extravagant things, she loves simplicity (which is why she keeps a worn suitcase that still functions instead of buying a brand new one, it's just her ) No, when she calls her friends, she is at home by herself on the weekend haha but I like the shanghia royalty school thing, maybe I should write a short about that And you are right, all of her friends have different nationalities...like EVERY one of them! I cant wait to write about it! Also, I get what you mean about writing the numbers as words, I find it a big turn off and I was just being lazy, thats the only reason I did it, but I will change them Anywhoooo, thank you so much for your kind review and your read! Glad you liked it (hopefully )