Eleven:Eleven

No one believes the old wives tale
That says your wish will come true,
When the numbers on your clock
Add up to six minus two.

But when my friends and I were younger
We used to play that game,
Speaking our hearts desires
When the numbers read the same.

And I'm not like the other girls
Who wait for a shooting star,
Or catch so many fireflies
Then release them from their jar.

No, every night I wish for one thing,
And wait for it to come true.
Every night at 11:11
I quietly wish for you.

Haaii, Demoness here to review your work

Hhaa, cute! This was a great poem with beautiful ending.. you could make some improvement on the punctuation but otherwise it was pretty much flawless. Simple but cute! I do the same thing every night, I've got this digital clock-radio with a lazer that print what time it is in my roof and so I lay there waiting til it says 11.11.. I've never heard that one were allowed to make a wish when it did though ^^

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

This was such cute poem I really enjoyed the story that you told in it and was just really lovely to read - one of those "feel good" poems! No errors that I could see (although I can't say that I'm the best reviewer), but anyways, well done xxx

Awe! This was so good, I loved it! I didn't notice any mistakes, so great job! Sorry, I know I'm not saying anything, and I'm probably wasting your time by writing this, but I loved it and had to say something!

Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! *fangirl scream*

I have said this before and I will say it again for the rest of my life: I LOVE POETRY THAT I CAN RELATE TO. And this, my dear, was EXACTLY that.

Every night at 11:11
I quietly wish for you.

Who HASN'T been there before? It's so relevent to the lives of so many teens. I love it.

My one request would be to rework the second half of the first stanza.

When the numbers on your clock
Add up to six minus two.

I had to pause there and do the math in my head (granted, I'm not THAT terrible at math... but I'm still not that good at it.) I feel like those lines were just too indirect to make for smooth reading. Of course, that's entirely up to you, but I definitely recommend it.

Otherwise, it was lovely!! I quite enjoyed it. Keep it up!!

~Molly

This is frankly charming. Give yourself a pat for some original work, hun. Well done!
It's funny tho how the weakest part of the piece is going to be the strongest part to many readers: "I quietly wish for you." It's really the only non-narrative, and tone breaking part of the piece. But, I admit, it's highly relatable and I won't criticize that without at least sharing its pros. Again though, because of it's change in tone, I am tempted to ask if the 'i quietly wish for you' was used because its the first rhyme that sounded right, or if you really are thinking of someone and have been? But the real con is it steals the mystery from your poem because now those who wish for something other than a 'you' can't relate and the magic of mystery has been somewhat displaced even though we don't know who the you refers to for the writer except that they have been longed for since childhood which suggest a mother or father figure, sibling, or eternal companion/friend.



Favorite line: Add up to six minus two.
Least favorite: When the numbers read the same.


And please, keep writing! you're great.
-M.