She raised her eyes to look at him again. He stood a good few inches taller than her, and his shoulder-length, sandy brown hair fell slightly into his face as he tilted his head down to look at her. His pale blue eyes glinted with the spirit of his everlasting sarcasm, and an endearing yet mocking smile crossed his lips. While he was as pale as Emily, he had maintained a natural, healthy glow which she had lost long ago.
Now that Emily knew that Aiden was safe, her concern for him began to fade, and as she read the playful glint in his eye and the teasing smile that it accentuated, this concern was replaced with defense.
“Well, you can’t really blame me,” she insisted, smiling back at him. “I’ve never seen you cook before.”
“I was making macaroni and cheese, how badly could I mess that up?”
“You’d be surprised,” she said darkly, scrutinizing him with her eyes momentarily. “Besides, how was I supposed to know what you were making? You didn’t exactly specify anything in your text.”
“Still, I figured you’d know it wouldn’t be anything too complicated. Sorry, maybe I should have told you, that way you wouldn’t come over here expecting a four course meal.”
“You’d better be sorry, because that was exactly what I was expecting. I guess you’re just going to have to go back to the kitchen and start over now.”
“I guess I am,” he said, shrugging. “Wanna come with me?”
“Not particularly, but I suppose it’ll be nice to watch you suffer.”
He stuck his tongue out at her, and she reciprocated the gesture, then he opened the front door of his house and stepped inside. She followed, closing the door behind her, and was immediately greeted by an energetic exclamation from a small, high-pitched voice.
“Em-lee!” the voice yelled, and it was soon after embodied by the fast moving figure of Aiden’s five year old sister, Aaliyah. Aaliyah was thin and spindly, her every quick move followed by a waterfall of straight dark blonde hair, which had grown quite long in the short amount of time in which it had existed. She wore the typical five year old outfit of a purple tee shirt and matching sweatpants, and her eyes, a darker shade of blue than Aiden’s, were often kept wide to absorb as much as they possibly could.
Because Emily had been Aiden’s best friend since childhood, and had been an especially constant feature in his household since her father had died over four years previous, Aaliyah had grown up with Emily in her life. She considered the older girl to be as much of a big sister as she did Aiden to be a big brother, and Emily, an only child biologically, played the part joyously.
“Hey, Aaliyah!” Emily exclaimed as the small child wrapped herself around the teen’s legs with the fervor of an over-caffeinated monkey. Emily knelt down and put her arms around the younger girl, squeezing her tightly.
“Hey, Aaliyah, the mac and cheese is done, why don’t you go get ready for dinner,” Aiden called from the kitchen.
“Okay!” Aaliyah yelled excitedly, and Emily relinquished her embrace to allow the child her freedom. The girl took off like a blur across the room and quickly disappeared up the stairs, leaving Emily behind in a figurative cloud of dust. The teen chuckled to herself at the eagerness and watched after the younger girl as she joined Aiden in the kitchen.
“So, since it’s not you, I wonder who it is,” she mused as she grabbed some bowls out of the cupboard to help him dish out the food.
“What, the fire?” he asked as he finished the task of stirring his favorite macaroni and cheese addition, tuna, into the meal.
“Yeah,” she responded.
“I don’t know.” He began to pour the macaroni and cheese into the respective bowls, one slightly smaller and more childish than the others.
“Well, do you think we should investigate?” Emily prompted, getting out forks.
Aiden sighed and turned off the stove, placing the now empty pot back into its original location on the reddened burner. “I don’t know, Emily. I’m curious, too, but I don’t think checking out something like that would be a good thing to do with a certain person around, and we can’t just leave her here.”
Emily thought of Aaliyah, and how the fire could potentially traumatize her, especially if there were victims. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she conceded.
With this decided, the two friends transported the bowls of macaroni and cheese and tuna into the dining room, where Aaliyah was already sitting, hungry and waiting. They spent the rest of their dinner with Aaliyah leading the conversation, and then continued the night with activities of primarily her choosing. Finally, she asked Emily to put her to bed. Smiling, Emily complied, taking the child into her small, girlish bedroom, tucking her in, and reading her a bedtime story.
“Goodnight, Aaliyah,” she finally said as she stood in the doorway and flicked off the light switch.
“Goodnight, Em-lee. I love you,” the girl’s small voice replied from the shadows.
“I love you, too,” Emily responded, smiling. Then she shut the door gently and wandered down the hall to where Aiden’s room was located. Inside, Aiden was just turning on his computer for what had long ago become a nightly ritual of theirs. After dinner and any other interesting festivities ended, they tended to relax in Aiden’s room, oftentimes with one on the computer, the other on the bed. Their activities varied nightly, usually depending on the amount of homework which they each possessed. Sometimes they would both be working independently, sometimes one would work while the other read or played a game, and sometimes they would both have nothing pressing to do and would just sit together and watch a movie. Personally, Emily didn’t care what they did, so long as they did it as far away from her house as possible.
Tonight, Aiden had homework to do. Emily, on the other hand, had nothing. She flopped down onto his bed and situated herself on her back, her arms crossed behind her head, staring at the ceiling. Meanwhile, Aiden propped open a notebook and sat down at the computer. The clicking of his mouse was heard momentarily, and then the quiet computer noises were drowned out by the sound of rock music as it emanated from his speakers. The music was meant not just as background noise for his work, but also as entertainment for Emily. She had not brought any books with her, but was instead content just to lie on his bed and think. After all, she did that enough in her own room.
As she laid there, Emily’s mind began to wander toward the new conundrum which she had stumbled across in the car on the way over. She had not had much time to mull it over since she had arrived, considering Aaliyah had kept her pretty preoccupied all night, but it was quite the question, and she knew that it definitely deserved some pondering. Granted, no part of her actually expected the scenario to ever become a reality, but regardless, it was something to think about.
Would you say yes? she thought to herself. I mean, he does mean everything to you. What would happen if you did and then something went wrong?
But at the same time, he means everything to you. That’s exactly what would make your relationship so perfect and long-lasting in the first place.
She argued these points with herself for a few moments, completely undecided as to which was better. Before she could reach an internal agreement, however, a quiet remark on behalf of Aiden broke the conversational silence.
“Wow,” he said, more to himself than to her.
“What is it?” she asked, turning her head to the left to look in his general direction. Of course, with the way in which they were situated, she still could not see the screen, as his back was in her line of vision. Instead, she watched what she could see of his figure as it sat.
“Have you ever heard of the website Six Billion Secrets?” he asked her.
“No,” she said.
“Well, it’s pretty crazy. It’s this website where people go and submit their deepest darkest secrets—anonymously, of course. I was supposed to go on there and read some of the things people submitted and then write about a few of them for my psych homework. I just…can’t believe some of the things people say on here.”
“What do you mean, you can’t believe it?” Emily asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically.
“Well, some of what these people say, it’s just so sad. Like, they’re talking about how they’re giving up on life. Some of them want to hurt themselves, or even kill themselves. I mean, I understand what it’s like to be upset, and I know people have it way worse than me, but it’s just…wow.”
“Oh,” Emily said, listening to his description. The hairs on the back of her neck bristled slightly, and she returned to studying the ceiling. She bit her lip, debating whether or not to speak. Finally, she took a breath. “You know, if it weren’t for you…I think I would be one of those people, too,” she said quietly.
“What?” he demanded, spinning in his swiveling desk chair to face her and propelling himself slightly sideways and toward her.
“You heard me,” she said, just as quietly as before. She turned her head slightly to meet his concerned eyes, no extraneous emotion showing in her own.
“Don’t even say that,” he said. She could tell that she had disturbed him.
“I’m sorry, but it’s true,” she said, sitting up. “Oh, come on, like you didn’t know. My life sucks. You’re the only person I’ve got in the world. You know I wouldn’t make it.”
“So what if things are tough right now? Do you even realize what you’re talking about? You’re talking about ending your life! That’s nothing to just throw around.” His panicked voice softened as he continued. “I don’t really think you give yourself enough credit. You’ve dealt with everything that life’s thrown at you so far. I really, truly believe that you’re strong enough that you could handle it all by yourself—not that you’ll ever have to.”
Emily looked down at her lap and felt the bed shake as Aiden sat down beside her. “If you were me, you’d think different,” she muttered.
“Don’t be silly,” he responded, putting an arm gently around her shoulders.
“I’ve thought about it, you know. I’ve thought about it. Never in the active, ‘I’m going to do that’ sense, but in the thoughtful, ‘Wouldn’t it be nice if I could just end it all’ sort of way.”
“Emily, stop it. Please. Don’t be like that. You know that things’ll get better,” Aiden prompted, tightening his grip on her as though holding on for dear life would prevent what she was talking about from truly happening.
Emily felt tears pop into her eyes as he squeezed, and she realized the pain that Aiden would go through if anything ever happened to her. She knew that her concern for him was another major reason that she had never been able to seriously go through with the thought of killing herself. She just couldn’t stand to leave him alone, even if he would be able to find other friends. In fact, between that and the way his support helped maintain her sanity, he was the only true thing keeping her alive. Without him, all she would have left to stop her was fear.
“Don’t worry, Aiden, I’m too much of a fucking coward to ever do anything anyway,” she said, thinking of this.
More tears squeezed out at these words, and she laid her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes and feeling their closeness. She suddenly found herself wishing that he would ask her out, right then and there. That, at least, would give her hope for the future. It would give her a real, true family to envision having someday. As it was, all she had right now was the present, and the present was grim. She needed something to look forward to.
As they sat there, Emily felt Aiden lay his own head atop hers and sigh deeply. She realized that she had upset him with such talk, and she felt bad that she had made him worry. At the same time, however, it made her feel good to upset him a little in this way. At least it showed her that someone actually cared.
They sat like that for a few minutes, and then Emily moved her head, causing Aiden’s to lift away from her. She wiped her eyes quickly, attempting to dispel their darkened mood along with her tears. She looked up at him, and he met her gaze. His eyes looked a little watery, too, and she was touched by how bothered the conversation had made him. Suddenly, as they were looking at each other, she felt the most intense desire to just lean over and kiss him. Her eyes dropped immediately, and she began to internally panic. You’ve been thinking too much about this recently, she told herself as she averted his gaze. Get your mind off it! You know what could happen if you went through with something like that!
“I’d better get going,” she heard herself say. Aiden raised his eyebrow.
“Why?” he asked incredulously. “You usually stick around for another half hour or so, at least.”
“I know, but I’m pooped. It never hurts to go to bed early every once in a while.”
With this, Emily began to lift herself off of the bed.
“Wait,” Aiden said hesitantly, and she felt his hand grab her shoulder. She dropped back down onto the bed and looked at him again, this time with no romantic delusions to distract her.
“What?” she asked.
“Are you okay?”
She saw the concern in his eyes that still had not left after their suicide conversation, and she realized that her abrupt departure probably seemed somewhat alarming from his perspective.
“Yes, I’m fine. I promise,” she said, smiling at him reassuringly.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
He gave off a sigh as he unhappily relented. “Fine. But promise me you’ll call me if you need anything. Anything,” he said, shooting her a meaningful glare as he stressed that last word.
“I always do,” she pointed out, standing, successfully this time.
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
“Okay. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” she said, and slowly left his house.
As soon as she got into her mother’s car, she stopped and sighed deeply. What a night, she thought, lying her head back against the headrest. However, she was afraid to stay still in the car for too long, lest Aiden notice that she was still there and begin to worry that something was amiss once more. As soon as she had finished her deep, relaxing breath, she sat up again and reached to turn the key.
She mentally played through the entire night on repeat over the short drive home, and she could not stop the image of Aiden’s face the way it had looked when they had been sitting so close together and he had been acting so concerned from popping up in her mind’s eye every few seconds. What’s wrong with me? she pondered to herself as she drove. Unfortunately, no answer came, and soon she was right back at the house that had raised her to be upset enough to start that night’s conversation.
She got out of the car and moved slowly toward the front door, wondering what would lie on the other side. Maybe he’s in bed already, she thought of Ken, but even as the words crossed her mind she knew that she would be lying to herself if she believed them. The night was still young, and he had no sense of responsibility to speak of. There was absolutely nothing preventing him from staying up this late. Sure enough, as she opened the door, she saw him sitting on the couch, watching television with his feet up on the coffee table, just as she had left him. The only difference was that now her mother was sitting beside him, her head resting on his shoulder. They were cuddling.
Ew! Emily thought, and looked away immediately. She hated when they did that. It was bad enough that she knew that they were together, but she didn’t like to have visual proof of it. It meant that her mother still had yet to realize how repulsive Ken truly was.
Emily began to move through the room, hoping that the two of them would ignore her presence and merely watch their movie through her. Of course, she could not be so lucky.
“Emily, could I talk to you for a second?” her mother asked.
Emily stopped where she stood, her back still toward them, and closed her eyes in a cringe.
“Sure, Mom,” she said and wheeled around, a somewhat less visibly unpleasant face painted on. I wonder what she could possibly have to say to me, she thought antagonistically. Her mother rarely did anything with her anymore, which meant that they had practically nothing in common. In her past few years of experience, Emily had grown to associate her mother conversing with her unexpectedly as a source of unnecessary trouble, and something to be avoided at all costs. Now, as she stood and waited for the words to fall upon her, she could only wonder what the trouble would be this time. However, surprisingly, her mother did not start to yell at her about anything or tell her that she would have to do something that Ken was too lazy to do, as was usually the case. Instead, she shot a quick look at Ken, then stood up and walked toward Emily.
“Come on, why don’t we talk in your room?” she suggested.
“Uh, okay,” Emily nearly stuttered, and she led her mom away from the living room and down the darkened hallway. Shock and surprise ran through her body, and she couldn’t believe what was happening. She couldn’t remember the last time that her mother had wanted to say anything to her that she didn’t think she could say in front of Ken. Her brain began to surge as she formulated the only explanation she possibly could. She’s finally realized it! her subconscious sang. She’s seen the light! She’s taking me aside right now to apologize for everything that’s happened since that douchebag moved in. I bet she’s going to ask for help! Her heart was pounding as she finally arrived at her doorway, and she reached out to twist the knob with a shaking hand. Inside, she turned on the light and plopped down onto her bed, watching her mother closely as she shut the door behind her and moved to sit down beside her daughter.
“Emily, it’s about Ken,” she began, and Emily could hear the hesitance in the older woman’s voice. “Something happened tonight while you were gone… something that’s going to change the way things are around here, forever.”
Emily narrowed her eyes as she looked at her mother. What’d the fucker do? she thought angrily. If he laid one hand on her—oh, what does it even matter at this point? She’s finally realized who he truly is. It doesn’t matter how, she’s finally seen it, and it’s all over. Oh, here it comes! The older woman sighed deeply, and Emily could feel herself subconsciously leaning forward in anticipation of the words that were about to come.
“Ken proposed to me, and I said yes.”
“What?!”
“Now I know that you haven’t really warmed up to Ken, but try to see it from my point of view.”
“Mom, what are you talking about? Of course I don’t like Ken! He’s a bum! And I’ve been trying to see it from your point of view for forever, but I can’t. I just can’t see how someone could ever possibly have feelings for someone like that!”
Emily’s mother sighed. “Emily, I really don’t think you’re being fair. I know that losing your father at such a young age was hard for you, and I know that no one could ever replace him for you, but that doesn’t mean that I should have to be alone for the rest of my life.”
“But that’s not what I’m saying! This has nothing to do with Dad! I don’t care if you date again. I don’t even care if you get married again! I just can’t believe you would get married to him. He’s not good for you, Mom. He’s not good for either of us. I just don’t see how you could love someone when all he does is sit around and smoke pot and watch Jerry Springer all day. Is that the kind of person you like to associate with? Is that the kind of person that you want as a role model for me?”
“I can’t believe you. I thought I raised you to accept people for who they are. I know that some of Ken’s habits aren’t the best, but he’s not a bad guy. If you actually took the time to get to know him, you’d see that he’s trying to become a better person. Who knows, you might actually like him.”
“He’s just playing you, Mom.”
“Emily, come on.”
“No, Mom, you come on. He proposed to you over a dinner that you made, for god’s sake!”
“You know that we don’t have a lot of money, Em. He said that he thought it would be better to do something simple like that than to take me out to dinner. Then we could save the money for our new lives together.”
“Did he really say that crap? It’s total bull! I mean, proposals are supposed to be special, aren’t they? You don’t have to go out to dinner, but he could have done something romantic at least. Something better than making you wait on him hand and foot and rewarding you with a ring.”
“Now you know that’s not what he does!”
“Bull shit!”
“Emily! I’m not going to sit here and listen to you complain about this anymore. Ken and I are getting married, and no amount of temper tantrums on your part is going to change that. Grow up!”
Having said that, Emily’s mother got up and left the room, leaving Emily behind to stare at the door as she closed it behind her.
“No, Mom, you grow up,” Emily muttered after the older woman, and tears started rolling freely down her cheeks. She flopped sideways and laid there for a few moments, taking in everything that had just happened in a state of near numbness. Finally, she sat back up and reached into her pocket, producing her phone. She called Aiden.
“Hey, what’s up?” he said upon answering. She heard concern in his voice already, and she knew that, because of their previous conversation, he was already tipped off to the fact that something was amiss.
“You’ll never guess what my mom just told me,” she said, her voice quiet and dismal.
“What?”
“She and Ken are getting married.”
“No way…” Aiden’s voice displayed full comprehension of how bad this news was.
“Yep,” was all that Emily could respond.
“Well, look on the bright side. It’s not going to be all that different. I mean, he already lives there, so it can’t get much worse than it already is. And you’re getting older now. Pretty soon you’ll be able to move out, and you won’t have to worry about him at all.”
She sighed. “Yeah, I guess. It’s still not fair, though. I don’t see how my mom can possibly miss what a useless scumbag he is.”
“I don’t know, either,” Aiden confessed. “They say ‘love is blind,’ I guess.”
“Apparently, it’s also deaf and has no sense of smell.”
Aiden chuckled a little, attempting to lighten the mood. Emily just sighed in return.
“Well, listen,” he said, “You’ll be okay. If you can deal with him living there, you can deal with this. Besides, they’ll probably be too distracted planning the wedding to bother you too much, anyway.”
“Yeah, you mean Mom’ll be too distracted planning the wedding. Ken won’t lift a finger, I guarantee it. But whatever. I think I really am going to go to bed this time, though. I’m exhausted.”
“Okay,” Aiden said, and she knew that he was wishing that he could do something. “Get a good sleep, and try not to let this bother you too much.”
“Fat chance, but I’ll try. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
Emily pressed the “end” button and stared at her phone for a few seconds, watching Aiden’s name and the final time of the conversation flash on the screen and then disappear. Then, sighing, she got up, changed into pajamas, and slid herself into bed. That night, as she lie there staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep, her mind became a swirling vortex in which thoughts about Aiden and Ken comingled, dueling for her attention. After an hour or more of this, however, she finally escaped her misery and was able to retreat into unconsciousness.
