“You know why Kerani should stay here,” my father said. “It’s the same reason you want her to go to the palace.”
My mother shifted in her chair. “You know just as well as I do Kerani is our last line of defense. She’ll never buckle.”
“A palace resident hasn’t been successfully assassinated in decades.” My father’s demeanor softened, trying to appease my sometimes hot-blooded mother. I could feel the emotional exchange from my place behind the door. “They have several lines of defense. We have none, past her.”
Silence stretched too long.
I sighed and pushed myself off the wall, not wanting to hear anymore arguments. Or the end to this argument. It was always a painful reminder Destiny was controlled by two people. My parents.
It’d been changing over the past few months, since the topic of where I would live arose. Ever since I’d stopped an attack on my uncle— poison, in his usual midmorning tea; I’d stopped him from drinking and found the prisoner— my parents had reconsidered me traveling with my sister, to protect her marriage to the Crown Prince. They were much more interested in keeping immediate family safe.
I was more interested in starving off heartbreak.
That conversation had felt like it was the final one. There was no time to be reconsidering who would go to the capital. My sister and mother left in two weeks, and she was in a flurry of packing. Because I would never be a true noble in the palace, just a watchful shadow, it would take me a week at most to pack. Two, if my parents wanted to approve every choice I made.
It was easier to work through my emotions when I was moving. Thanks to magic I could avoid people, even though I knew the palace enough to avoid people without magic.
There wasn’t a point in going to see Ranya just yet. Even though it opened up the risk that somebody else would talk to her first, I didn’t want to go see her when I was like this. I could already feel control of my magic slipping as my emotions overflowed. I had to get both under control before I damaged something.
Staying here meant staying chained. People outside immediate family certainly appreciated the services I provided, but there was always a balance in them respecting me and not wanting their own daughters to step away from the marriage spotlight to become warriors. Especially now that our family was directly connected to the throne— all Shira women would get a high bride price.
My hand tightened into a fist at the threshold to outside. I still held the habit of going to the practice yards to calm down.
With travel time, and the length of the wedding celebrations, I would be barred from attending. Should any of my relatives decide that they’d do well as rulers, in the absence of the rest of my family. They didn’t trust anybody else to stay behind and keep order, when so much was at stake.
I almost resented they placed enough trust on me to run the province for the two months it would take. I missed being allowed to live in the mountains for a month at a time. Living more with the guards than my relatives. Not being dragged into every political choice my parents made.
I blinked when a sharp pain in my hand and straw falling on my nose made me aware of my surroundings.
I’d burst open another punching dummy.
So much for not damaging anything, I thought, rubbing my soon-to-be-bruised hand. I’d hit the wooden post with that punch. At least it’s just a punching dummy…
“And you wonder why nobody wants to spar with you, Cat.”
I smiled weakly at the two guards who had just entered. Old training partners I still sparred with on a regular basis. “And you think you go any easier?”
They chuckled, coming over. “Any word on where you’ll end up?” Aryan, the man who’d first spoken said.
“Here, most likely…” I tried to shake off my mood, putting on a smile for their sake. “At least I’ll still be around to train!”
Chidam clasped my shoulder in a mixture of worry and comfort. “But, you’ll be leaving Rain.”
That made me hide a flinch. Only my old training partners even knew about my nickname for my sister.
I shrugged off his hand. “Don’t remind me.”
“Have you told her?”
I sighed. “Not yet.” I waved a hand, interrupting his movement towards me, and turned to walk a few paces away. “I know, I know, I should tell her. I was just waiting for this to be, well… confirmed.”
They paused, waiting for me to continue. I crossed my arms, turning to look at them. “Yeah… it’s pretty much been decided now.”
They didn’t even flinch I had picked up on the questions they’d wanted to ask. Sensing intentions was such a deep-rooted part of my magic people had come to expect it from me. I’d gotten good at piecing together what they could ask from the situation surrounding the question.
“Calm enough, though?” Chidam asked, not quite jokingly.
I clenched my hand experimentally. “Should be.”
That was the advantage of fighting, for me. I either released enough emotion to calm down on my own or got enough bruises that magic being directed for pain relief made me less likely to damage things.
They waved me off and I followed, knowing it was better for Ranya to hear it from me than a servant. I’d guessed for nearly two months, now.
I just didn’t want to believe it.
My magic went ahead to Ranya’s rooms. Her magic responded just slightly; she was ready to take a break. But I got no more than that. She’d had less training than I did, even though she was three years older. According to our parents, women who would eventually live at the palace had no place learning magic.
I clenched my bruised hand. Any excuse to drive my magic inward, even though a single bruise was nothing new for me. The control required to heal my bruise faster calmed me down again.
A noble mage good enough to track a poison back to its source had no place in the palace.
Ranya’s door was already open as she shooed the last servant out— for now. She’d been organizing for this move for a solid month. Every item of her life had to be put away. Some of it was already sent, so her rooms would be ready when she arrived, travel-weary, at the palace.
I’d managed to avoid arousing suspicion by having too many things that could only be sent with me.
“Thank the Phoenix you’re here,” she said, pushing her hair back. “I need to sort away more things to be sent early, so I don’t get asked about what goes in which shipment again!”
I chuckled. “Want some help?”
Her smile was the only answer I needed. I’d miss it most.
“I’m sure you’ll love it at the palace,” I said. It was just will keeping my voice even. Monotone. “You’ll be a wonderful empress and mother some day.”
She was looking at a table covered with things from her closet. She’d need a minimum amount for travel, but what defined ‘minimum amount’ was very flexible when she’d be traveling from the mountains to Central Kemmer. The heat would steadily increase, with no prediction as to how she’d react.
“Thank you,” she said almost as an afterthought. “And you’ll—” Ranya cut herself off as I let the ward around my sadness slip. I couldn’t hide it anymore.
It was easier to keep my back to her. “I overheard Mother and Father talking just now. You know how our family can be.” I quirked a bit of a smile; we both knew why I was so good at tracking magic. “They… want me to stay here. Protect those near Father. You— you’ll be well protected at the palace. I’d be useless.”
“No,” she whispered, coming up. Her grip on my shoulders was almost tight enough to hurt. I tensed my muscles to try and loosen her grip, only to have her squeeze more. “No, no no. They can’t. Cat, look at me.”
I closed my eyes and kept my head down. I had to relax to speak. Her nails were starting to dig in. “What’s the point if all you’ll see is tears?”
She forced my head up, knowing full well I’d reflexively open my eyes. Letting her search them. My old teacher had taught me the importance of keeping eye contact, because it was easier to search intention with open eyes. Blurry vision was better than none.
My hand clenched. I’d already lost him to Shenora. Now I was about to lose her.
She shook her head, still not breaking eye contact. “It’s just a ten day ride. You’d be able to come. Not often, but sometimes.”
‘Just’ a ten day ride? I wanted to snap back. But I couldn’t. There was hope burning within her, helping to dull the shock, that our family would calm down for long enough to allow me some time away so I could visit. I latched onto that hope, dulling my own pain. I doubted she’d be able to visit her family. Once she was married, the Tijals would be her family. Not us. Not me.
She hugged me automatically, tears beginning to run down my temple as the corner of her eye pressed against my forehead. I hugged her back, the same numbness in my movements.
It didn’t take long for both our control of emotion to break, and we let each other feel the full intensity. Those close to me guarded their emotions to ease strain on my magic, but in certain situations there was nothing closer than feeling every part of emotion available. While my mind proceeded everything it could, I just focused on remembering her. From her magic to her smell to the way she always managed to be a bit taller than me and let me rest my head against her shoulder so I could burry my face in her hair.
Servants came back into the room. They didn’t even need a command to leave us alone.
