The Silence of Laughter

I want to feel your silence.
Get lost in your world
of absence;
where everything feels more distant
than it really is.
Where laughter knows no sound
and screams are all too silent.
Where mouths open in protest,
yet no words are heard.
Where the eyes do the listening,
and the hands do the talking.

Take me there...
Because,
How beautiful life must look
without the distractions,
without the interference,
that tear the eyes from what they see.

Please show me your world
where being trapped within ones self
is a normal occurrence,
and not something
looked upon as alienation.

Spoiler

I am struggling with the last line...if you have any suggestions that would be great!

This is so beautiful!

I really like your poem. The imagery is so good, and I would like to live in this world. i really like the way you made this world sound, not as something bad..

I really like this poem my favorite part is Take me there...
Because,
How beautiful life must look
without the distractions,
without the interference,
that tear the eyes from what they see.It is really good

Hi,

This is really beautiful. The tone is perfect, it flows nicely, and the emotion comes across powerfully without obscuring your effective use of language. I especially enjoyed:

"Where laughter knows no sound
and screams are all too silent."

I'd change either "silence" or "silent" in the first stanza for the sake of variety. I'd make "ones self" "one's self". I'd also change the final line as it's too loud and dramatic in what is otherwise a quietly sad poem.

A pleasure.

Hope this helps,

Jas

This is so incredibly lovely. I don't really have anything else to say, ahaha, sorry! I just really loved this.

This has to be one of the best things I've read in a long time. All I can say is keep this poem for as long as possible. This is the kind of thing that would feel amazing to read when your older, especially when he can understand it better and take more from it. I wish everything was as amazing as your poem.

--Skis

Aw, it's so sweet of you to write your little cousin a poem! I really do hope he overcomes his illness and leads a happy, healthy life. Your flow and imagery here were just gorgeous. You brilliantly found a way to point out some of the nicer things about being deaf without glorifying it. I might omit the last comma in the second stanza and make "interference" plural, but that's just personal preference. I'm sure your cousin will love this poem and remember it whenever he's feeling down.

-Abigail

Aww! I hope he defeats the illness! I love how you made the poem start with the grim and end with the hopeful. As far as the last stanza? Well...

Please show me your world
where being trapped within oneself
is a normal occurrence,
and not an isolation.

Maybe something like that?

By the way, I love you!

Wow you got a lot of reviews!
I want to feel your silence.Get lost in your worldof absence;where everything feels more distantthan it really is.Where laughter knows no soundand screams are all too silent.Where mouths open in protest,yet no words are heard.Where the eyes do the listening,and the hands do the talking.

Maybe the poem wasn't simple enough for my reading but htis para sounded great and the rest for some reason sounded different from this. The rhyming of the sentences were all very good:)

WOW!!! That is amazing. I LOVE poetry I can relate to, and this just spoke straight to my heart. Haha and I know that sounds cheesy and cliche, but I swear it's completely true. I was especially drawn to the last stanza, where it says

Please show me your world
where being trapped within ones self
is a normal occurence,
and not something
looked upon as alienation.

My mom has a tendency to accuse me of alienating myself because I'm always so lost in my own thoughts all the time, so I totally get where you're coming from with those lines.
VERY good job. Keep it up!

This was amazingly and beautifully written! I loved how you described this world as not as something that's holding you back, but something that lets you experience it differently And on the last line, I don't think it was bad at all! I really liked this! Keep writing! BRAVO

The poem is well-written. What makes gives this poem its impact and its vitality is in the conflicting imagery. Both screams (assuming they are ones of pain) and laughter are given an equal footing in this world that you have constructed. They both are meaningless. You have created a world which is not beautiful nor ugly. You made neither heaven nor hell. What you did do, which was crafty and which gave this poem the most weight, was construct a sanctuary for all the quietness and introspection of the world. What you created was that white box. Impressionable, yet not needing to be impressed. Limitless, but still having the limits of ones mind. I may be completely off (which is impossible because poetry is all about the impression it creates on the reader), but the world you created what poetry really is. The slicing through the bullshit and saying what you actually feel without fear of rejection.

WOWZERS! this was really beautiful. I guess I think it was so amazing because i can relate so much to it, as can many other readers I'm sure. Your last stanza:
"Please show me your world
where being trapped within ones self
is a normal occurrence,
and not something
looked upon as alienation"
was fantastic and point-on. This is really amazing work, thank you for this. Please write more!

Hiya Jessa! How are you? We haven't chatted in ages! Is everything going Okay? Anyway, down to my review. Bear with me: I haven't really reviewed much lately, so I suppose I'm a little bit rusty!

This poem really was fantastic. It flowed so beautifully, and it had a very soft, elegant feel. I loved how you described it: living in a world with no sound. You made the reader aware of how tragic deafness is, pulling a few heart strings, too.

I'm really sorry about your nephew. On a positive note, at least, through ASL, he can still comunicate freely and expressively.

So do you sign fluently yourself? I do, though I use BSL: British Sign Language. I have lots of deaf friends! Anyways, I'm veering off topic.

Be really proud of this poem, Jessa: It's brilliant!

~ Amelia