Fallen Angel

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Warm, salty tears streaked the dirt-caked face, pooling under her small chin and dripping down onto the dew-covered grass and dotting her luscious eyelashes. Her thin lips separated to let out a low, raspy breath through polished teeth as a chill ran down her spine from the cold metal pressed against her soft skin mixed with the warmth that enclosed her from the slender arms of her kidnapper.

She shut her smoky purple eyes as a fowl stench overcame her nose, screeching laughter erupting from behind her greasy, knotted chocolate locks of tangled hair. Her face contorted into one of disgust as she felt her former lover's moist, rotten breath roll over her dripping neck.

“My love,” he drawled out, the stench of alcohol drifting over her. She took a sharp, wet gasp as the barrel of the gun dug into her sore neck. She felt small drops of water stream down the side of her face as she felt his teeth hook onto her earlobe, her ears perking at a small purr.

There was a small silence between the two before she inhaled a sharp gasp, her arms flailing as she fought with all her might to keep balance. She flung her body around, her leather boots slipping on the dew-covered grass and making her slender legs slip from under her. Her body slammed against the ground, staining her tight leather shirt as she slid from the cliff.

Her slim fingers dug into the crumbling, wet dirt, her eyes wild with fear and her mouth agape. She tilted her head up as she clawed at the ground for dear life, seeing her former lover staring down at her with a twisted smile, his hollow eyes boring into her frightened own.

She let out a blood-curdling shriek as the edge of the slimy cliff slid from under her, digging her nails into the dirt as she continued fighting for her life. Her eyes darted around as her lungs seemed to force the air from her. She ripped at the jagged dirt wall, ripping the roots from under the clumps of rock. She let out a few sobs as the sharp rocks slammed against her forehead, scratching up her pale arms. She dug the toes of her boots into the dirt, dust clouds swirling in the air and watering her eyes even further as she tilted her head up at the dark silhouette once more. She let out a deep breath, shutting her eyes tightly as her fallen angel raised his gangly arm to her, pulling down the hammer of his pistol.
Last edited by AardvarkSlave on Sat Jul 30, 2011 12:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
See you, Space Cowboy.




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I just wanted to cry when I great paragraph 5 and 6 it was so powerful I just wanted to cry so bad. It has so much detail and emotion I just can't stand to be drawn in as you write a magical picture into my mind I just love it.




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Wow, very powerful and very emotional. Just by reading the first paragraph I can see you have a knack for writing. I don't think there are any grammar mistakes. None that I see anyway. I would suggest looking out for run on sentences, because there are a few incredibly long sentences in this piece. That is not bad, as that seems to be you style, just watch out. I absolutely love your use of vivid words. It brings a much more sophisticated feeling to this. Overall very great job. And please don't stop writing.




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Aaah, such beautiful and powerful imagery. You have a really lovely writing style, really discriptive, whilst readings this at times I found I could almost taste or smell what you were describing. But sometimes it feels like there's so much description that you want to put in that the sentences just run for too long! (something I am guilty of as well) Perhaps try and re-word or cut out some descriptive words :'( although that would be a shame.



It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
— Albus Dumbledore