Defensless or defeated

Defenseless or defeated

Cursed the world who brought you here
The demon's spell cast over your fears
For so many years you stand against the flood stream
To get nothing to yourself than Hopeless, careless beliefs
The haunted ghosts scared your dreams
Made you drift away to something unreal

Where's your sanity, dear?""
Does your mind illusion the facts!
Maybe it's simpler matter of act
Did you lose your faith entirely!
Definitely, it's been left in the dark

Subtle mind you blinded me
Suffocating gasps irritated gravity
But, don't you remember……
You ran from the answer
You ran away like you used to...

Did you lose your faith entirely!!
Maybe, it was far to reach
It was Hard to feel….
Your breaths amazed you
It has been standing tall while you were falling down
Would my breaths stronger than my will!!

Did you lose your faith entirely!!!
Never,
I am the one who made my demons run away
I understand why?! And fall to my fate as I was rising
Hesitation won't be a choice of mine
It's been so long in the dark fights

I'll wake up smiling because I know the merciful look upon my side
So I got nothing to worry about,
My faith is my guide
Whether it's dark or night
Clearly, neither I was defenseless nor defeated
I chose to be blind………..

Faith will deliver you from the greatest of evils weather it be in god, yourself or something your doing.
A very nice poem, I enjoyed reading it. Keep up the nice work.

The only thing I think needs to be fixed is this,

NLPrincess13 wrote:Clearly, neither I was defenseless nor defeated

I don't know, sounds abit off in my head is all. XD

#FF0000 ">"Clearly, I was neither defenseless nor defeated." maybe?
It's just a thought.

Again great poem. :3

thanks, yeah i think your thought has a point
thanks again !!!

Ola

First of all, allow me to say a big, big, BIG THANK YOU! for reviewing my work and welcoming me the way you did. It really made me feel at home.

Now down to business, lol. I really do like this poem. I love how you shortened some stanzas and elongated others without losing the rhythm and overall feel of the poem. That was extremely creative.

I just love the beginning
"Cursed the world who brought you here
The demons spell cast over your fears"
I just made me want to read it 'til the end and even when I finished, I wanted to read it again.

Maybe consider making
"And I fall to my fate while rising"
A line on its own. That's the only tweaking I personally feel could make this poem even more awesome than it already is.

Ola to you NafeCT
thanks for the review.... thanks for the idea it's totally considered cause i was tweaked at it too
you actually made me smile, Big thank you for that

This made me think of Romans, when I read it I got the image of a Roman Soldier that rebelled against the army, I don't know why but that's what came to my mind. Interesting though and very enjoyable to read.

Keep Writing