Counting the Minutes

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I look around.
There's so many people.
So many strangers.
I count the minutes until I can go home.
Then I see you.
You stand out.
You turn around and look at me.
Our eyes meet and I smile.
You blink and smile back.
My cheeks flush.
Each day I look for you.
When I see you my heart skips a few beats.
You say my name and we walk
Together for hours.
We take our time
Savoring every moment together.
We count each ane every
minute we share.
But our time draws to an end.
It is time to say goodbye.
I walk over to you
With tears streaming down my face.
You wrap me in your arms.
You lift me off the ground.
You spin me around
As I bury my head in your shoulder.
You set me down, but don't let me go.
The others are calling to me.
It really is time to say goodbye.
I lift my head and gently
Touch my lips to your cheek.
I can't bear it any longer.
I turn to leave.
As I drive away
I watch you get smaller and smaller.
I cover my face with my hands
And begin to count the minutes
Until I can see you again.
I love you.
Wait for me.
The best
gift you can
receive is
constant
amazing
indescribable
unconditional
love.




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Very touching, bittersweet - I quite liked this, except in the first ten liens or so, the fact that you use full stops after every line made it too stop-and-starty, which took away from the charm of the poem and made it a little difficult to read properly. Apart from that nit pick, it was quite good, and I'll keep a lookout for your work.
Being children of a cruel reality, we fall prey to the greater powers.
To envy.
To madness.
Betrayal.
Love.
And yet without these things, we cannot remain human. Without these things, we are nothing.
But it is the greatest sacrifice. To envy. To be mad. To betray. To love.
To be human.




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Points 67548
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This poem is so sweet! I find it really cute and I love how the counting the minutes until they see each other really makes you notice how strong their love is. I love the ending, it sums it all up really well. I can't see anything wrong with this poem, but there was one little spelling mistake

shelbycate wrote:We count each ane every


I think you mean 'we count each and every'

But apart from that, awesome poem and keep on writing!!!

:)
Trust in God and all else follows.

Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014
Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015
Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015




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Thank you both very much for your criticisms, I really appreciate them! @MamaLama95 I agree about the stop-and-starty lines....I'll definitely work on that! @Deanie thank you very much. This poem is about my boyfriend and I, and I think it really expresses how our love first blossomed...thanks again!
The best
gift you can
receive is
constant
amazing
indescribable
unconditional
love.



Daddy Long Legs are more closely related to crabs than spiders and somehow the idea of crablike creatures with spider legs that have escaped the entrappings of the primordial sea and now crawl over land and can walk up and down walls and ceilings creeps me more than I can adequately describe.
— Snoink