Flawless

It was an icy day, barely spring;
mid-April, a picture unlike those ingrained.
Your eyes, bluest mountain springs, caught mine
that day. You come to say hello,
your voice, silken, clear. And there I was --
awestruck, frozen.
the hours came, passed like the wind,
'til the days turned to weeks, to months.
Your embrace brought a warmth, comforting,
like cocoa on a winter's day.

You read the words I etched on paper and
your eyes glistened; a fan to say the least.
I watched you pour your heart and soul to song
and the strings of a guitar.
You brought forth smiles
and drowned me with thoughts
of love.

You were the one I've searched for,
my perfect knight in shining armor
that I could kiss, and all would be
flawless.

Hello there

I would just like to say that this piece is very, very descriptive. i could visualize the things you said, and it's very moving. i think this is every girl's dream; every girls one wish. And truly, it would all be flawless. i absolutely love this piece because, to me, it seems short and to the point, yet it has truth behind it as well. I also liked it because you started out with a dreary, depressive beginning, and in the end it seemed all was "flawless" the perfect amount of feeling and definately well worded
great job. continue your creativity

--Ash

Hello! Here as promised! I didn't even delay it another day! Woo!

This poem was a very cute story. I could tell the speaker was very touched by whomever they're talking about. The pictures were clear, and it was very nice to relate to!

There were some clunky parts in here regarding grammar and line-breaks that I'm not sure about. For instance, I think it would be cool to end the entire poem with "flawless" on its own line. But anyway, since that gets into the mechanics, I won't go any further than that. Feel free to pay attention though to some phrasing when you edit this!

Another possibility you could look into is the season metaphor. I extremely liked, in the first stanza, how it started in mid-April, and slowly through the adjectives and phrases used, it turns into the autumn/winter season. We went from April showers to mountain springs to frozen to hot cocoa. So cool! Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to tie in with the other two stanzas, and I think it would be really fun to at least mention some more adjectives or such description in the other two just to tie it all together. Needless to say, my favorite stanza is the first. :3

It's very pretty though, and I love the word choice of "flawless" rather than "perfect." Pretty cool!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Hi there

This is really good. I love your very imagery based style of poetry. It is very detailed and really paints a picture. This particular poem follows that describing style but in places it can be lagged down by it. It feels very dense and that stuffs up the flow. For example

"mid-April, a picture unlike those ingrained.
Your eyes, bluest mountain springs, caught mine
that day. You come to say hello,"

it feels very heavy. Besides that, very good.

Normally, I don't read or like poetry, but this is very good. It's very descriptive and vivid. I see all the images you are trying to convey. Your wording is great. I do agree with Jabberhut, "Flawless" should be, for effect, on it's own line, but I can't speak about things like that because I don't know enough about poetry, coming from a book reader's view, though, jabberhut is right. Like I said, I normally don't like poetry, but this poem is very good. This makes me want to read more poetry, and it almost makes me want to write poetry. I hope you post more poetry like this. I wish you luck in the future writing, and I wish you luck against writer's block. I hate writer's block.

Hey there! Here as requested, sorry it's taken me so long. I'm thoroughly out of practice in both writing and reviewing poetry, so forgive me if I'm not very helpful. I'll do my best.

You have a lot of description here, which can be good, but you want to be careful with that. Adjectives and adverbs are typically used to bolster a noun that isn't strong enough on it's own, which ends up making your writing seem weaker. Ergo, find stronger nouns.
I enjoyed your metaphors and similes, especially the bit about cocoa. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy, which I think is what you were going for in the first place.
However, you also want to be careful with cliches. Drowning in love and knights in shining armor are rather over-used phrases. Find creative, original ways to say these things; that way, more of you comes through in the poem. It's your poem, so own every single word, every period and comma. Don't rely on things said by so many others that they don't have meaning anymore.
I liked how the beginning set the scene, and then you ended with "flawless." This was simple, yet effective. Overall, I thought your poem was very sweet and I did enjoy it.
If you ever need another review, you know where to find me. I'll try not to wait so long to get to it this time. xD