Ear Tags

Spoiler

I'd just like to clarify. Ear tags are not the things that are on everyone's ears. My friend has these little nubs of skin--a birth defect, that are on her ear. I call them ear tags. I have no idea what else they are called.

Your ear tags are my favorite part of you
immaterial flaps of skin
hanging off your right ear.
I love your laugh, especially when you choke me
with your laughter, and I can’t talk, can’t breathe.
Like when you made me laugh in fifth grade
and I spit yogurt all over you.
I love to play with your hair
although I wince when my hand finds
the pimples at your brow, I don’t mind them
as much as I should, because they are you.
I love to hold your hand,
always clammy inside yet
dry and cracked on the outside.
I don’t mind that our hands get sweaty together,
that yours is icy against mine.
I love your singing voice,
high as the highest soprano,
yet lower than I can sing, too.

You told me two years ago
that you were bisexual.
At the time, I’d never heard the word before.
When you explained it to me,
it didn’t make sense. But when you explained,
it planted a seed inside of me.
Bisexual. And now small actions
holding your hand at a movie
stroking your hair while you cry
during “Harold and Maude,”
slow dancing with you at the end-of-year dance,
the little things make me wonder,
if that’s who I want to be, too.
I’m sorry that I’m too shy to ask you and I know
that you think I’m straight. I wish
that I had your courage but you have no idea how I feel,
it would never occur to you to ask.
So I finger your ear tags
and wonder if you love me too.

Aww, this is really cute. =] I think the overall message is amazing, and with a little bit of work it would be really good. The thing that I was a bit iffy on, is that it didn't have a rhythm, it just felt like you were talking. So maybe you could turn this into a short story? It would be a very good short story. If you change anything, just let me know, I'd love to review again =]

Hi there

This is very good. Very quirky and interting

By the end it was really endearing and heartfelt. I also think this would make a very good short story. The themes and ideas here would really be able to thrive if you put them in a larger context.

There are some really lovley lines in this as well. For example

"I love your laugh, especially when you choke me
with your laughter, and I can’t talk, can’t breathe"

So in conclusion, I really think you should keep going with this.

This is a very unique piece. Honestly, I truly enjoyed it. There's heart and depth to the words in spite of the humorously quirky undertones. Far too often pieces try to be too heavy and melodramatic in their love or romance aspects, or end up overtly silly and groan worthy in their humor, yet you tread very well here.

Your voice is strong and ever present, and you've created a truly lovely piece. I can tell you're a good writer here. Well done!

Hey, there! Glim here to review!

Eeep! There are so many things that I love about this poem! It's hard to critique this, because it's a very solid poem, but I'll start with the elements I liked first.

First of all, I loved how easy this was to read. I didn't have to wince at poor grammar or punctuation, and I didn't have to muddle my way around confusing structure or sentence length. The tone was also very simple to understand, in a great way: it was sweet and emotional and delicate, and conveyed your emotions to the reader. I adored this part of your poem in that you didn't have to use flowery language and wandering sentences to express something that was just as easily conveyed with a few simple words.

Second of all, I loved how you took instances out of your life together and combined them so that the reader truly began to understand and get to know both characters, especially the narrator, so well. What I also enjoyed that pertains to this aspect of your poem is your structure. You very clearly distinguish between the content of the first and second stanza, so the shift in subject and tone between the stanzas is obvious and really adds to the poem's meaning. Therefore I like that you separate your poem into two stanzas, because it adds to your poem as opposes from detracting from it.

I think my one small issue with your poem is that, towards the end, in the second stanza especially, the poetic feeling drifts towards being slightly prosy. I'm not sure if that was your intention, but it almost feels like you're starting to talk to someone as opposed to writing. This can definitely work in your favor, but I recommend changing some of the line endings so that they don't end in an expected place, like where a period or a comma is. I feel like this would add some flow to your poem, and take away some of the prosy-ness.

Overall, I loved how affecting and beautiful this poem was, and I think you did a fantastic job! Hope this helped a little bit.

Keep writing!

~Glim

I really like this! It's cute and sweet, and it doesn't go on forever either. I don't really have any nitpicks, except that I agree that you should make it sound more like a poem.

This is awesome! I love it! Great job, sorry about the way short review.

Hi sarebear!

Okay, there are tons of good things about this poem! For one, I love all the concrete description. It's lovely... probably because it's so specific, lol. I love specific description!

There's... just a big hitch. This is what I think of when I hear "ear tag":



In fact, if you search it up, you see lots of animals and not many humans. So, I don't know if this is what you want to talk about. Sometimes, I wish we had another word for the outer ear which is more poetic but... we don't. So yeah. Shucks.

Also, I don't quite like that you mentioned the whole "Let me explain to you that I am a bisexual and maybe now I think I might be bisexual too" part. It's just... the poem is so physical and intimate, and then you talk about that and it just seems out of place. Like, we got that she was a girl with the soprano voice. If you made it more clear that you are female as well, it would be even more clear that there is a homoerotic feeling here. But, you would be showing it and not telling it, which would automatically make it better.

Anyway, just a couple of thoughts!

Well, I think Glimmerglass really summed most of it up, but since you submitted it to my contest, I'm still going to review ('cause I want to :p). Sorry if it gets repetitive to what others have been saying!

Your ear tags are my favorite part of you
immaterial flaps of skin
hanging off your right ear.
I love your laugh, especially when you choke me
with your laughter, and I can%u2019t talk, can%u2019t breathe.
Like when you made me laugh in fifth grade
and I spit yogurt all over you.<-You made this line seem heartfelt, instead of nasty. So kudos for that!
I love to play with your hair
although I wince when my hand finds
the pimples at your brow, I don%u2019t mind them
as much as I should, because they are you.
I love to hold your hand,
always clammy inside yet
dry and cracked on the outside.
I don%u2019t mind that our hands get sweaty together,
that yours is icy against mine.
I love your singing voice,
high as the highest soprano,
yet lower than I can sing, too.I like this. Really, I have no problems with the stanza.

You told me two years ago
that you were bisexual.
At the time, I%u2019d never heard the word before.
When you explained it to me,
it didn%u2019t make sense. But when you explained,
it planted a seed inside of me.
Bisexual. And now small actions
holding your hand at a movie
stroking your hair while you cry
during %u201CHarold and Maude,%u201D
slow dancing with you at the end-of-year dance,
the little things make me wonder,
if that%u2019s who I want to be, too. From the beginning of the stanza to this point, I just wanted to say it's so sweet and good.
I%u2019m sorry that I%u2019m too shy to ask you and I know
that you think I%u2019m straight. I wish
that I had your courage but you have no idea how I feel,
it would never occur to you to ask.
So I finger your ear tags
and wonder if you love me too.It does start to feel a bit prose-y, but it's good.

I like how you conveyed your message simply, but still made it sound wonderful (as poetry should). Everything has been said already here, except one thing: You say you wish you had her courage. But you are so brave to share your feelings with the world, and I commend you for that. This is lovely! So great job with everything here; there's nothing for me to critique! Never stop writing!

Sorry, don't know what happened there with the odd symbols.