Over New York

The poem was good but a bit clumsy for me. Word's like "boobs" don't really go well with poetry according to me. Try using word's like "bosom" to make it better. The style was definitely unique which is a rarity these. I'm sure you can improve it with practice. Best of Luck!

This is a tremendous poem. It is a poem bound up in change and nostalgia. It is a poem concerned with the past, but also with what is right before our eyes, and what has always been there, but which is so basic and loyal that there is no need to acknowledge it. Really loved the baseball in this poem. Of course, baseball is the staple of nostalgia, and also passed youth. Tides and oceans are tools of erosion and change, but also functions of the moon. And the moon has always been there. The moon has been there during adolescence, cratered, pimply, pale, long for love. The second base reference is so easy and fluid-- really ties things together. The moon is there in the six dollar beer, reflected in eyes, but the eyes are not angled upward to see the moon itself, but rather, Leyritz's baseball. And then lunar apocalypse. Baseball is something we look back on -- the catches, pitches, stats -- and something that may mark a childhood, but what we're really looking back on here in this poem is the moon's place in the past, or some great influence that was there, but not noticed, even coupled with that great athletic retrospection. Honestly, I'd say that this could be a poem about mothers or fathers. Or God.

An subtle, well-woven poem. I don't care for the final stanza. It's sentiment is necessary, but you could approach it from a more effective direction, I think. Canned goods are bland objects -- they don't inspire any special image or emotion. The words Packed and Container are equally stodgy. The punch is necessary, but the lead-up needs to be re-visited. Stanza four is worrisome, because you could actually be going for a Day After Tomorrow type poem if I take this stanza literally -- thank God I don't. The image of the sea swallowing yankee stadium is this poem's ultimate depiction of nostalgia. Of course, if your intention was truly apocalyptic, my opinions toward this piece change.

Anyway, great piece. Thanks for the read.

Kylan

Like Kylan, I saw a lot of nostalgia in this poem; especially as the three main stanzas are all about baseball, which as Kylan said is the staple of nostalgia. You begin with the speaker's love for baseball in the '69 stanza, and compare the speaker's love to his then girlfriend (two references to second base). You continue in the '99 stanza with the reference to Leyritz as well as to the reference of ridiculously priced beverages at stadiums.

In each of those stanzas, nostalgia is brought forth through baseball and significant relationships. But you then take a different turn with the third main stanza (fourth overall), and the speaker says how Yankee stadium is now under water. Unlike Kylan, I took this literally as it follows "before temperatures went global,". It is also followed by "Packed in a container with canned goods and people,", which I took to mean as a post-apocalypse type shelter.

The mixture of apocalypse and nostalgia is nothing new, if that is indeed what you were going for. However, it's not something I am a fan of in poetic form. There's just something odd about science-fiction poetry. Poetry is best when it captures emotion or an image; if neither the emotion nor the image exists yet, then the poem comes off feeling stilted and broken.

However, I did not understand the reference to Coney Island. With most of this poem being about Yankees stadium, I would've expected you to reference The Bronx instead.

Hi there! Here is, as promised, the reveiw of your entry to my contest. First of all, I'm twelve. So, yeah. But I do have to say I liked the part about remembering the moon in the beginning of the poem and then again in the end. Which subject does this fit into? Well, anyway, I can't honestly say I liked it, but it's just not my style.
-Cammie