) so I would really like some criticism of this piece that I've been tweaking for a long time! And don't worry, this is only the beginning and all questions will be answered in the coming chapters!Tiffani Berks was an ordinary girl with an ordinary job and an ordinary upbringing like most girls her age. Just graduated, still only a child but faced with the realities of the dark world, she made the mistake of running into the man that stood just feet in front of her.
“I hate you.” She whispered forcefully, throat tight and eyes red with anguish and despair. This was false, for she loved him dearly and could not imagine her life if it had continued on being normal.
“I know.” Malakai whispered back, jaw tightened visibly. As he spoke Tiffani swore his teeth had grown just slightly sharper, though she would never reveal this sight to her husband. Instead she turned her attention to the sight that both she and her husband could not comprehend, mostly because it was their darkest fears come to life.
Two girls, sisters just short a year apart in their ages. Landria was the younger, lying back and facing the side, expression as peaceful as when she slept in their simple home at night. Her curiosities and endless joy fled from her closed eyes. The older, Shrina, lye next to her face down, arm stretched across her sister for comfort, always protecting her even after death. A large, darkening, crimson stain lye on her left shoulder with splatters of silver, still wet but without a pulse. Tiffani burst with more tears, forcing her aching hands to the ground, desperately attempting to force herself to stand up off of the muddied ground.
“You must not blame yourself Tiffani.” Malakai comforted, turning to help her.
“I do not blame myself Malakai because this isn’t my fault! It is yours! Our daughters are gone because of you!” Tiffani screeched, hair escaping her tight bun and spreading into an insane entanglement. Malakai pulled away, glaring at the love of his life with such deep hatred that his heart began to quiver in his chest.
“You know that I only wanted the best for them.” He growled.
“The best would have been the ability to stay alive long enough to enjoy life Malakai! Not to be murdered because of our mistake!” Tiffani burst, pushing herself to a stand and facing her husband. Malakai held himself back from his fragile wife, knowing all too well the pain and suffering that her mind now fought against.
“It was not a world for them Tiffani. It was a world that I ran from for a reason.” He calmly sighed, looking deep in her crystal blue eyes and combing his fingers through her ruby shimmering hair. Tiffani sobbed still, wiping away the tears desperately with no luck.
“They’re gone Malakai.” She whimpered, covering her face and burying it in his chest. Malakai comforted his wife, though he too believed that at any moment he could break into insanity. His unconditional love for his children had been torn away by forces that he had attempted to flee from years ago. All hope was lost for them, a family that suddenly did not exist. A marriage between two lovers that would never look each other the same way ever again.
“…Daddy.”
The small voice send chills of ice down both Tiffani and Malakai’s spines, a voice resurrected from the dead. Tiffani pulled away, wiping away at her red face as she stared at the miracle before her. Shrina turned her head, opening her eyes once again to her mother. Tiffani stared for only a second before fighting back yet another wave of hysteria. Malakai did not turn around to look at his daughter, even if the site of her beautiful beating heart would revitalize his hopes in a future. Because he knew the horrible truth of her sudden recovery from death. It was the disease and struggle that he had been fighting for so many years, and the damnation that was now to follow her for the rest of eternity. Tiffani coughed in her struggle to not reveal to her daughter the distress that this thought would cause her, looking over to her husband again but with a distant expression.
“I think she wants you Malakai.” Tiffani inquired, voice rasped with overuse. Malakai finally turned slowly, seeing his fully recovered daughter now attempting to stand on her own, the repulsive wound on her shoulder completely eradicated.
“Daddy is Laney sleeping?” She asked, looking down at her younger sister who would not be so lucky as to awake from death.
“No honey, I’m afraid Laney isn’t going to wake up. But come over here.” He asked kindly, coming to a squat to take the young girl into his arms. Her smile did not waver, her frolic-like nature unwavering as she stumbled toward her father in a slumbered haze. Malakai took the girl in, hugging her close and standing with her in his arms, taken aback once again by her sheer existence.
“Will Laney wake up tomorrow?” Shrina asked, pulling back to smile happily at him. Malakai held his tears, shaking his head at the young and innocent girl. Her eyes still just as blue as they were before, only now he could see the shimmering silver ring that lay around her pupils.
“No honey, but let’s grab some dinner. You must be starving!” He smiled, hugging his daughter close. Tiffani stared, looking at her husband in a completely different light.
“Malakai…”
“Tiffani.” He snapped, looking over Shrina’s shoulder as he hugged her again. “It’s okay.”
Tiffani did not bring it up again, silently following the pair, stopping momentarily to look upon poor Landria, wondering if she could ever bring herself to bury her youngest child. Or if by allowing Shrina to live such a cursed life, that she and her husband had doomed everyone.
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“Although I am almost positive that if they did know what they had started, that Malakai wouldn’t have changed his decision. The poor man could barely say no to anything his daughters said.” Keria murmured, scribbling intently on her easel. Kreed shuffled uncomfortably, hoping Keria had not finished her explanation for her crimes just yet.
“Ms. Shray you are being convicted of arson and three accounts of murder; can you be more specific with your explanation of how things happened?” Kreed finally sighed, looking for a chair in the crowded room of society’s most detached citizens. Toys, colorful walls, and sponged floors made him feel like a pedophile in a daycare.
“I’m insane Mr. Kreed, not confused. I’ve only started explaining it.”
“It? What is It Ms. Shray?” Kreed breathed, tired of these childish games that Keria played to merely tow him along in some sort of ploy of her’s.
“A mistake Mr. Kreed; one that would radiate like a butterfly’s wing through the generations and ruin the lives of all in its path.” Keria responded sternly, swiping her brush across the canvas harshly, splashing paint in all directions.
“And what mistake was that?” Kreed dug. Keria tensed, staring at her finished work hatefully before shaking her head and resting her head on her propped arm.
“Shrina was not supposed to live.”
welcome to YWS! I see you're quite new, so I hope you are settling in all right (of course you are, it's lovely here!) I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but there's a generally accepted rule that for every piece of your own that you post, you review at least two others - that way we all feel loved and cherished 