School Assignment (no title)

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I've finally written something! It's been months. Still, I only wrote this because it's for a school assignment, and I want to pass English. We had to write about 'then' and 'now.' Harder than it may appear. I chose to slightly change things and do opposites - light and dark. It's not really a story, there's no plot. It's just a descriptive piece. So, here it is. Don't be too harsh, please. I really don't think this is my best work - it's jumpy - but I'm just glad that I was finally able to get something down on paper. WOOT! :D
Thank-you in advance for reading it.



Spoiler
The last of the sun slowly disappeared beyond the horizon of the sea. The water sizzled out the remaining heat and replaced it with a chilly breeze that moved the leaves on the trees.
The young girl walked slowly down the street, zipped up her jacket and stuffed her hands into the pockets. The cool breeze floated around her face and clung to her bare skin. She looked down as she walked and watched her shadow move in dark shapes beneath her. She tried to step forward and stand on her shadows leg but it just raced away from her, bending with ease over the crevices and cracks of the footpath.
The girl liked this time of night, where everything was half hidden from view. The darkness overpowering the light, like the trees and houses didn't want to be seen anymore. The houses could stand tall and proud and not care about the old paint pealing away by the front door, the chip in the glass on one of the bedroom windows, or the rickety fence guarding the area. The flowers in the front lawns could sigh in relief as the black night hid them from view, so they didn't have to worry about looking beautiful for the time being. 
The street lights above her slowly flickered on like a dominoes effect all the way down the street, and shattered the peaceful darkness. She watched as the once dark pathway brightened and made the shadow of herself fade into its background, like a spotlight putting out her confidence. She sighed just as a strong gust of wind came to take her breath away. The young girl tightened her jersey around herself and picked up her pace.
One lone car slowly drove by, it's tail lights glowing a bright red as it broke for the corner. She watched as things that had tried to hide were now brightened in a flood of light. Everything took on a violent red tinge that made the flowers and road edges look more viscous than they should. The slow moving car soon turned the corner and took the colours with it, like a wave following obediently behind.
The flowers hid themselves behind their closed petals, the trees kept back out of the way, while all the houses stood in black and tried not to show their imperfections. Everything hid from the light and took sanctuary in the darkness of the night.




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to be honest i wasn't expecting much coming into this with the title 'school assignment' etc. :P but to be honest it was a well written poem and i do think you have a great talent..
keep up the good work!!




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Hey borntoshop!

First off I want to say how much your writing has improved since I first started reading it :D

I could really imagine what was going on here and I think the whole contrasting the light and the dark was great. You're right that this doesn't really have a plot, but it's a nice story anyhow.

I did spot a few things;

shadows leg


'shadow's'

dominoes effect


'dominoes' The 's' isn't needed.

it's


'its'

the trees kept back out of the way,


I don't know if this sounds right or not. You could maybe try something like -

'the trees shrank into the background,'

It's only a suggestion though :)

***

The mistakes I pointed out are only minor so really well done!

I hope you got the credit you deserved for this story as I think it's a nice piece. It's great to read something or yours again :)

I hope this helps!

xDudettex
'Stop wishing for the sunshine. Start living in the rain.' - Kids In Glass Houses.

'Would you destroy something perfect in order to make it beautiful?' - MCR artwork.




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This piece was good :)The title threw me off for sure ahaha! But it was great!


The grammar/spelling mistakes i saw were already pointed out by the person above, so really I'm just here to say this was great...cause it was. :p

Continue to write,(loved the dark, light, theme to this),
-Brie
"None but ourselves can free our minds." ~Bob Marley



here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can home or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
— e.e. cummings