Mic Night - Chapter Two

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Rated 16+ because of some swearing.
There is no Christina Perri song in this chapter (she'll return next chapter...). The song that is featured is an original song by Hunter (that I wrote :) ).
Thank you for reading. Any and all comments are much appreciated :)
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Night two.
Hunter had shown up at The Parlor sporadically throughout the week. We talked quite a bit which I enjoyed because he’s really easy to talk to. We had a lot in common and enough differences in opinion to keep a conversation interesting.
On Thursday he told me he was going to be playing on Saturday and asked if I would be there. I’ve never missed an open mic night. Why wouldn’t I be there? I wasn’t playing this week though. I had no built up frustrations or emotions that needed to really spill out. I found that the more I was able to talk to Hunter, the less I thought about the bastard Alex.
I had nothing to say this week so I would simply listen.
“Where is he?” Estella hissed in my ear. We were sitting at our usual table. I was sipping my coffee, she was drinking her soda and looking around the room for some sign of Hunter. She thought he had something planned for tonight.
“He’s probably just getting ready. Calm yourself.”
“It’s just too darn convenient Jennalee. He has everything in common with you, seems to like everything about you, and just happens to have a song prepared for tonight when he’s only known about The Parlor for a week. He likes you! What if he’s going to sing a song for you or something? You know, like take a leaf out of your book.”
“He’s known me for a week. Why would that inspire someone to sing a song about someone else?”
“Because you’re just so amazing,” Estella grinned.
“I mean, he’s a nice guy and I enjoy talking to him,”
“You like him!”
“I don’t know maybe. I’m not getting my hopes up about anything. Most guys are douchers, why should I expect he’s anything different?”
Estella sighed.
“And what about you,” I said, eager to get the topic of conversation off of me. “Are you still moping around about Tom or do you have a new subject of infatuation?”
“I was never infatuated, but yes, I’ve moved on. He wasn’t that attractive anyway.”
I smiled and shook my head. This was typical Estella. Something doesn’t go right with the guy she’s interested in, she has a brief heartbreak and quickly moves her attention to someone else. If that guy happens to give her some notice later down the road she’ll immediately switch her focus back to them and forget about the fact that they may have been really rude to her in the past.
I can’t do that. If you fuck me over once, I’m done with you. Sorry. I’m not about to waste my time. I’ve been screwed over enough in the past to think twice about kind words and nice smiles. You want me around, put me there.
“Can I join you guys?”
I turned around and Hunter was standing there. Estella grinned at me from across the table. “I need refill,” she stood and walked towards the bar.
“Of course,” I said and motioned towards the empty chair. “How are you?”
“Good, a little nervous.”
“Don’t be nervous. You don’t look like you’ll suck but if you happen to; the audience is usually really friendly especially since it’s your first time.”
“That’s comforting.”
I took a sip from my coffee.
“So I’ve been meaning to ask you this since last week but,” he paused, “I haven’t.” He smiled, “I’ve heard that you usually sing songs about people.”
“Yeah?”
“That’s awesome, I like to do that too. If you don’t mind me asking, what was last week about?”
“I had this friend named Alex and we were really close. We never dated or anything but we were really good friends. He moved halfway across the country a couple of months ago, promised we would still be close and still be friends, promised he would visit and everything would be dandy. It didn’t happen. He ignored me and now he wants nothing to do with me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright. I’m pretty much over it at this point I think. Singing about it helps.”
“That’s good. You’re a really good singer Jennalee.”
I smiled, “thanks.”
Estella joined us again and the three of us watched the first couple of singers. Hunter left part-way through to warm up. I wished him good luck.
“What did you guys talk about when I was gone?” Estella was way too excited.
“Not much, music. I told him about Alex. That’s about all,” I shrugged.
“He likes you.”
“Whatever.”
“He likes you!”
I rolled my eyes.
Lewis came onstage, “next up is a newcomer to The Parlor so show him your support. Please welcome, Hunter Read!”
Estella and I clapped, she grinned at me. Oh boy.
Hunter brought out an acoustic guitar and sat on a stool. “Thanks guys,” he said. “This is a song I wrote this week so if it’s not that good or I mess up, I’m sorry,” he smiled.

“Earlier this week I saw you,
Man that girl is sweet.
I hope she knows I’m in to her,
Knows I really like her.
I’ve never felt this way before.

I could listen to her talk all day,
Listen to her play all day.
I’ve never seen anyone like her,
She’s probably one of a kind.

There’s that intense stare,
I love how she flips her hair.
Always sipping coffee, and thinking,
About what I have no idea.

Who am I kidding?
What’s a girl like that doing,
Talking to a guy like me?
I’m nothing interesting.

But man I hope she sees,
I think she’s really pretty sweet,
And that I really kind of like her.
Man I really like her.
I’ve never felt this way before.”

Hunter actually had a really nice voice. I wasn’t going to lie, I was impressed. He played the last chord, stood, and said “thank you” before leaving the stage.
Estella stared at me, her mouth agape. “He likes you,” was all he said.
I didn’t bother responding. I stood and tried to find Hunter. If that really was about me, I didn’t care but I would rather hear it from him instead of giggle and speculate with Estella for the next hour.
I found him backstage putting his guitar away. “Hey nice job,” I smiled.
“Thanks! I’m not going to lie, I was terrified when I got up there and saw all the people but it was actually really fun.”
“That’s good. I’m just going to cut right to the chase here. My bozo of a friend, Estella is convinced that you like me and that song was for me. Either way, I don’t care, but I don’t really like games so can we just be real here?”
Hunter paused, “Yeah I like you. I’m sorry, you probably don’t,”
I cut him off, “I actually kind of do.”
He looked up at me in surprise.
“It’s not really like me but there’s something about you that intrigues me and there’s something about you that makes the other shit in my life seem less significant.”
Hunter smiled, “I think I can safely say you’re the coolest girl I’ve ever met in my life.”
I smiled, “well thanks.”
“So, uh, could I maybe go on a date with you or something sometime?” He scratched his head.
“I think I’d be down for that.”
Last edited by Carlito on Sat May 28, 2011 3:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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“I don’t know. Maybe. I’m not getting my hopes up about anything. Most guys are douchers, why should I expect he’s anything different?”


“I need a refill,” she stood and walked towards the bar.


Hmm. What song was this based off of? I slightly doubt that the song Hunter sang was by Christina Perri...but it was an excellent story!

(If you think it's obvious what song it is, just keep in mind that I've ever only heard two songs by her, Bluebird and Jar of Hearts.)

I will admit, the swearing threw me off a little. I normally don't read stuff with that kind of language. But it's a compliment to you that regardless of it, I still can't wait for the next chapter. Your storyline is so good!
Shakespearian tongue-twister:

To sit in solemn silence
In a dark, dank dock
In a pestilential prison
With a lifelong lock;
Awaiting the sensation
Of a short, sharp shock
Of a cheap, chippy chopper
On a big black block.




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Hi Carlito. I haven't read the first chapter of this so I'm apologizing if I get anything wrong. I thought this pretty good. I don't usually read romance so that is a big compliment from me. I don't have a lot to say though, so sorry if this is short. >.<

I really liked the characters in this. I felt like I knew the pretty well from the beginning. They were likeable and I could relate to them as far as I saw. I also felt like you knew them. You weren't just making stuff up as you went. That is really important too. I am already picturing them in my mind too, although you didn't really give any descriptions of them. Even if I'm not picturing them right it means I know enough about them to assume I know what they look like.

One thing I didn't like was this kind of seemed rushed. They go to this coffee shop (?), Hunter shows up, he sings, they end up telling each other they like each other. Whats the catch? Where's the twist? This is good enough where I don't want it to turn out to be cliche. Everything, in my opinion at least, is going a bit too smoothly.

The last scene was the most rushed for me. I guess I just wanted to feel more emotion from both of them. Yes, they just like each other and they aren't really sure of anything yet, but any emotion would be good - even if it is uneasiness, or shyness.

Another thing I didn't like about this was the beginning. It didn't really hook me; I had to get into the middle before I really started to enjoy the writing. I know this isn't the first chapter, but the beginning of chapters should still catch your attention. This will make people read more than a chapter each sit-down. I'm not really sure how you would do this. So I am going to tell you to just play with it. XD

Besides that I don't really see anything, besides grammar, that could be improved on. So, P.M. me if you have any questions!

Hope I helped,

Calli <3



Light griefs are loquacious, but the great are dumb.
— Seneca