Jiezter froze. Suddenly he felt guilty about showing up this way, without any warning, this made it harder for them.
Late this afternoon he saw her again. His friend—his Zhayanne. At first he thought it was just a mistake but the silly teenager he knew grew up into a beautiful lady. But the smile she always had back then vanished like how she disappeared the day he realized what he really felt for her.
He looked again to her and felt the memories that flooded her mind. With teary eyes thoughts of thet summer and the days they’ve shared came back as she stared at him blankly.
“I was finally ready.” Jiezter told himself as he took a deep breath and smiled. “D-do you still remember our secrets in here?” He stammered as he gazed around.
But still she doesn’t have any emotions as she replied. “You haven’t change a bit.” He was surprised at what she said. “Let me see, I bet you’ll ask me things about our past then you’ll convince me to bring them back.” She said drily.
He never thought she would be like this. He never expected that answer. He can’t speak anymore.
She smirked. “It seems like you’re surprised. Why? What are imagining? I’ll say yes with sparkle in my eyes and say let’s bring our past and let-me-a-REBOUND!?”
He can’t take it anymore. The words she said don’t sink in him. He was crashed. “Stop saying that!” I snapped. “You’re not like that before. You’re not the Zhy I used to know.” I said with distress on my voice.
She smiled at me bitterly. “Yes. I was not the Zhy you used to know.” Then she walked away.
Leaving me again like that day…
Now he remembered the day I was about to tell her how he feel…
That night Jiezter almost killed himself by drinking lots of alcohol. Carissa, his first love was engaged with his closest cousin. How ironic life is!
“Hey! You had too much!” A hand grabbed his bottle of beer. He looked at her. She was telling me something he can’t understand.
“You k-know wh-what? You looked L-like someone I-I know.” He described that silly teenager who bugs him so much and smiled with the thought.
She sighed. “Jiezter it’s not your loss it was hers, and if you really love her you’ll set her free.”
“H-how can y-you s-say that?” he gently pushed her. “Have y-you fallen in love? No!” but he froze when she slapped him. He looked at her, with a split second he saw a tears in her eyes but fade away as she spoke. “I’ve been in love with you all along! I secretly love you! I knew you can’t love me back that’s why I kept my feelings.” She told the truth and so he pulled her close to him. As he hugged her he felt natural. As if she belonged to him. But Jiezter was too drunk and so he fell asleep.
The next day he can’t remember anything. “What happened last night?” he murmured but shut his eyes as he felt the pain in his head. Hangover. He slowly rubbed his forehead then brushed his checks. He gasped as he felt pain. “What the-” he didn’t finished his sentence when he fell off his bed as he remembered what had happened last night. Zhayanne slapped him! She confessed her feelings! And he hugged her!
He suddenly felt odd. He was torn between happiness and confusion. He was supposed to be sad because he was brokenhearted. But why was he happy knowing that his friend Zhayanne love him? He shook his head. He badly needed a sanctuary to gain his strength and regain his thoughts.
Jiezter gazed at the small door where Zhayanne went in and opened the diary she left years ago. He read again the last entry.
May 23, 2006
I love him.
But I was terribly hurt.
A song was dedicated to what I felt
“So I’m setting you free…
Let me be the one to break it up
So don’t have to make excuses
We don’t need to fight to set up where
Someone wins and someone loses
We just have to say our love was true
But it know become a lie
So telling you I love you one last time
And goodbye…”
My tears fell as I recalled the day I’ve realized how she mean to me. The day I was about to tell her ho I felt, how she mean to me. The day I was about to ask her if she’s willing to wait until we can spend our lives together, me as her husband. The day she left me.
I rushed to the door. At last I realized how important she was in my life. She was so special. She was always there for him.
I knocked.
As the door opened I plastered smile on my face. It was Dylan who opened the door. He’s Zhayanne’s eldest cousin.
“What are doing in here?” he asked loudly. Two more guys dashed to the door as they heard Dylan’s voice.
“Was that the jerk?” a skinny guy asked Dylan. Anger was noticeable in his eyes.
“Geez. Are you here to say more distasteful remarks to my sister?” Marc, Zhayanne’s younger brother posed me with annoyance.
“Forget it!” Dylan snapped. “She doesn’t need more beating especially from you.” He said with authority in his voice.
“Boys go upstairs I need to talk with the young man.” A voice came from behind. It was Aunt Meg. “I’m sorry dear, they’re too harsh on you.” Her smile gave me hope.
“I don’t know what they are talking about Auntie. Was Zhy there? I really need to talk to her.” I almost begged.
“Didn’t she tell you? She left this morning. I thought she’ll bid you a goodbye.” She assumed. My heart stops beating. She left me without telling me! She left me after confessing! I knew she wasn’t joking when she told me she loves me, but why did she leave? “I’m sorry young man. I don’t know what happened to the two of you but I want you to have this diary. It was her thoughts about the entire vacation she had in here. Goodnight” she said before closing the door.
The very same diary he was holding now. He kept the notebook with Zhy’s unchained emotions…
Unchained Emotions
Zhayanne ran as fast as she could. She went to her room and locked the door then she filled her lungs with air and cried.
“I thought that day he will realize I was always at his side.” She sobbed. As she remembered every scar he made.
Jiezter gave her a necklace with a shoe as its pendant.
"Cinderella shoe huh?" I smiled as I looked at him.
"Ha! That’s nothing compare to Cinderella glass shoe" he laughed. "Do you know that was one of my favorite stories?" He sounds as serious as he asked me. I looked at him as if telling him there was nothing new from what he had said. Well, that must be true. Everyone loves Cinderella's story. But as she saw his sweet smile she felt that there is something about the story that really delighted him.
"Do you know why Cinderella left her shoe even if it fitted her?" He demanded.
"Because it was just a fairytale. You know a happy blah-blah after." I replied without looking at him.
"No. but because it's meant to be... If Cinderella wouldn't leave her shoe, how can the prince find her? She had to leave something behind so the story will go on and there will be no 'happily ever after. I read it in one of my favorite writer’s blog site. It was so romantic. Wilhelmina really knows what love is."
Now she finally understands why he loves the story. For him it wasn't just a fairytale. It can happen to anyone. It was the epitome of love and destiny. And it was not just for books.
"People now make versions of the story. But forgot the true meaning of it." He continued. "They are focusing on the 'damsel in distress save by a prince' theme than 'the shoe symbolizes true love that they will fall in love because they are meant to be and the love they are real' theme."
I looked at her with a smile plastered on my face. "True love." I whispered. "You had a great description of love and destiny... But, I had my own favorite."
"Really?" Amusement was obvious in his voice.
"Yes. The little mermaid was my favorite."
He shrugged and leaned on his chair. "That story was tragic! You’re really weird." He raised his eyebrows as he said those words.
My smile turned into grin. "I thought you’re a romantic person, how come you found it tragic?"
"Because she died!" he declared. "They never live happy together."
"Well, you're right. But the little mermaid became happy. Because I knew deep in her heart she knew what she had for him was real. It was true love. And even if they don't end up together the Prince was alive. For me that's the concept of love. If you love someone do whatever it takes. Persons like her are the only one who can claim they fallen in love because they took the risk. Love will not come like it will fall from the sky. For me, we are the one to decide. Do you remember sponge bob?"
"Okay, from a fairytale to a cartoon character" He joked.
"Well, I read a message from a close friend on mine. She told me sponge bob once said 'loving is like handling someone a gun pointing them to your heart and trusting him never pull the trigger.' Now do you understand? Love is a risk decision for us to take but builds a new life if it was true."
He was amazed. She knew he had a good description about love but she made him realize more. Love doesn't always mean you'll end up together and live happy. It was giving without any expectation.
I expected a lot from that conversation even I knew I shouldn’t. I anticipated. I grip. I hold on. But in the end I was all alone.
That Afternoon we went to their house to make pancakes. But we we’re shocked when we saw Carissa’s family there.
“Oh! There he is!” Jiezter’s mom was so excited. “You know son. Your beautiful childhood friend here Carissa was going to marry your cousin James!” she announced.
I glanced at BJ and saw how he closed his fist tightly. “That’s good news!” he said giving a fake smile. I knew what he felt that moment. I knew how it hurts him like hell. I knew he was bleeding inside. I took his hand as if by that way I could ease his pain. He looked at me shocked. But I gave him my brightest smile. “It will be alright.” I whispered. I’m not sure but I saw his eyes sparkle as what he had heard.
That night when I was about to sleep I heard someone on the library. I instantly knew who he was. I put my robe on and went to our secret place. And I was right he was drinking when I went there.
I sighed. Why do people drink alcohol when they’re said? Come on! Drinking can’t change the fact that you’re heartbreaking.
I walk towards him and punched his back. “Hey! You had too much!” I grabbed his bottle of beer. He looked at me. I can’t bear to look at him like this. He was so heartrending. I can’t bear to watch as shed tears. I can’t understand why he loves her so much.
“You know what? You look like someone I know.” He said. “She’s annoying and has a huge ego. She does what ever she wants but instead of getting mad at her in the end her smile keeps me staying on her side.” I almost cried with his words. Now I knew I was special for him. But I found out I was so wrong.
“Jiezter it’s not your loss it was hers and if you really love then set her free.” I convinced him. But he just laughed drily. “How can you say that? Have you been in love?-NO!”
How can he say those words to me? It ruptures my heart! How can I fall in love with a guy who’s so numb about my feeling for him? I lost my temper and slapped him.
“I’ve been in love with you all along! I secretly love! And I knew you can not love me back so I kept it myself!” I shouted every word to alleviate the ache I had.
He looked at me and the first thing I knew; I have the most intimate position with him. He pulled me close to him. My heart started to race. And I was sure my breathing literally stopped. He hugged me!
I couldn’t move…wouldn’t move.
Just like a slow motion BJ’s hands went to my nape and heave me closer. Fear and excitement was running through my whole system. But I chose to shut my eyes as I wait for his lips to come.
His lips did come. Warm and moist. At first they touch gently then change into firm and persistent. His mouth moved from my lips to my face and showered me with tiny, moist kisses.
He moaned when I pulled him closer. “Oh…Carissa …Carissa I-I love you.” I solidified. He was imagining Carissa while kissing me! Oh! How stupid I am. His heart belonged to someone else. I rolled off him and let him fall asleep.
My eyes blurred. I know I was about to cry any moment. I want to stop but the tears still fall down. My face was void with any emotion. I stared at him while he was sleeping. Tears welled my eyes. They were tears of throbbing and pain, unrequited love, self pity and remorse.
I bent and kissed him. “I can never own something that was never mined… I love you.” I couldn’t hide the agony in my voice.
After that incident I went to my tub and let myself feel the hot water. My whole body was aching but the ache I had in my heart was more than I could bear.
“Why do you need to come back?” I sobbed. I felt dead and cold. My body trembled as I bear in mind my misery 5 years ago.
(i'm open with comments!!!
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