My stolen life
All that I was aware of were the hot tears rolling down my cheeks, and my sanity slipping away.
I have no idea who I am. I lost myself a long time ago. This life I lead scares me and the life ahead scares me even more.
I want to escape the darkness that rules my sight and soar through the skies with wings of a butterfly
I wrote this piece when I was 12 so a lot of it is not at a very high standard but I thought I would submit it to see what you think.
August 6th
Today is the day. Today we escape. Today we will be free.
I wondered if it was so possible to be so distraught from fatigue that you could lose all sense. I found the note this morning in such graceful writing that I knew it was from my mother. I knew where she had gone. She told me the night before that she would sneak out early in the morning to pick up some last minute supplies for our journey. After three hours of waiting for her, sitting around and waiting was no longer an option. I had to find her and make sure she was safe. So here I am now.
When I rushed out this morning I had no thoughts about practicality. I untwisted the jacked from around my waist, wrapped it around my younger brother Xavier and carried him in my arms out the door. I didn’t know where I was planning to go. I didn’t even have a particular direction in mind.
Eventually, I came across a man who told me he had talked to my mother this morning. He said she explained to him our plan to leave the country and that she wanted me to board the train without her. I thought I could trust him. How could he know about our plans if my mother didn’t tell him? He couldn’t have. Or at least that’s what I hope. She’s always careful with who she trusts. She probably plans to meet up with us soon.
I’m not safe here in this country anymore. I have to leave. I was lost, wandering dangerous streets on my own. This man who must have spoken with my mother is offering to take me to the train station. He even gave me money. Not much but enough to get on the train with Xavier. I decide to go with him.
I don’t take my thoughts off my mother and what she could be doing right now but before long I look up to find that we are at the train station. The man escorting me mumbles something to the engine driver and leaves. I watch him walk away and as I look around, I get this dreadful feeling that I just made a huge mistake.
I want to turn back and run away, but where? I’d have no hope if I desert myself so far from home. I give my ticket to the conductor and slide onto a discolored and grimy train seat with Xavier still in my arms. As we pass what appears to be abandoned and decaying buildings, fear sets in inside me. After a few hours, the train finally comes to a stop. What I see is a confirmation that I’m in the wrong place. I politely ask the engine driver if there is any way I can get back home but he just carries on without acknowledging me. I persist and clear my throat to ask again but he shoves me off the train with several others who are starting to disappear.
A different man emerges from behind me with a something in his hand. I can’t quite determine what it is, but when he comes closer, I noticed a small blood stain on one of the edges of what looks like a very large potato sack. I can see that there is something in it. I look around, purposely avoiding making eye contact with the man. I feel so confused and afraid and by now the train is out of sight.
The man shakes the sack and a young girl falls to the ground. She doesn’t move. Her clothes are torn – revealing her rib cage. It looks like she hasn’t eaten properly for days. It’s a horrifying sight, the way the girl looks so still and lifeless. She has bruises all over her body. I know better than to ask questions or even make a noise but inside, I’m screaming. The man hits the girl over her head. Her legs trembling, she rises to her feet. He pulls out a gun from his jacket and threatens that if we say a word or try to run and don’t do as we are told, he will shoot us.
I know that to him we can’t be worth much if he is so willing to kill us so I wonder what it is he wants. We walk in silence for 3 days drinking only muddy water from creeks and eating dead bugs off the ground. At least muddy water is better than no water and dead bugs are better than starving, although, I can’t honestly say they’re doing anything good to my stomach. I feel so weak that I think I could pass out any second but I keep telling myself that I will be okay because God will be with me all the way.
My Ordeal
We later arrived at what first looked like a bar. The man leaned towards me and attempted to take Xavier out of my arms. I tried to fight back but he overpowered me. I let out a scream as I felt him inject a huge needle into my arm. The last thing I saw was him carrying Xavier away.
I woke up in a small room. Next to me was the other girl. She was sitting with her head in her lap and appeared to be crying. “Are you okay? What’s going on?” I asked gently.
“I’m Sophie. I don’t know what I’m doing here, please help. They told me it was for a modeling job, I… I don’t understand.” she whispered through tears. I didn’t know where we were but I knew it couldn’t have been a good place. “Sophie, let’s get out of here! We have to escape. Just do exactly what you are told until we figure out --”
“What if they catch us?” Sophie stammered in a shaky voice. Immediately the door slammed against the wall. The man who had taken my brother away from me marched in. He explained to us that they were to never talk to each other again. He told we were worthless and lucky to be alive. I felt quite the opposite.
He said we were in a brothel and couldn’t leave because we had to work to pay off our debts. Everything made sense now. I had heard stories about these places from my mother. She never went into detail. She just warned me to be careful about who I talk to and where I go. I remembered. But it was too late. I should have listened. I felt an unexplainable horror and awfulness for the fear of what I would become.
LOSING SANITY
They stripped off our clothing and drugged us. I was too weak to fight back. I felt my eyes as they closed. Everything around me was drifting away... When I woke, Sophie was gone. A man who reminded me of my father strolled in laughing, like he was amused. Everything else passed in a blur. The only thing I was aware of was the hot tears rolling down my cheeks, and my sanity slipping away.
I was moved around a lot. There were people who told me they owned me. At first I didn’t believe them but I think I do now. I would continuously dream that I was home with Xavier in my lap and my mother braiding my long brown hair. Then I’d wake up. One woman, I pleaded with her to let me go but she refused claiming I still owed her money from what I cost her. I think she was one of the nicest people I’d talked to for a long time, even though she threatened to kill Xavier if I tried to escape. She said she knew where he was but when I asked, she starved me for days. In my hunger, I could no longer even dream. One time, I got pregnant. I gave birth to a girl but the man who owned me took her away.
The Escapade
Everything changed one night. I heard a noise outside my room. I really thought nothing of it as people were coming and going all the time but then, I heard voices. Still, this was not unusual but there was something about the voice, I thought I recognized it. I peered out at the misty sky and told myself to relax. If there was one thing all of my owners agreed on, it was that it was not acceptable for me to think or have an opinion. I was to show my gratefulness of their generosity by serving my purpose of working and nothing else. Thinking was a gift and I had no right to it.
I woke up the next morning and tiptoed outside. My eyes widened as a girl walked past, her head down but I saw the unmistakable beautiful blond hair I could never forget. “Sophie!” I whispered.
“Sophie!” This time I was calling out to her so loudly I automatically prepared myself for a beating out of habit. I knew it was wrong to speak when I was not asked to but no one came. I stepped forward once more and tapped her shoulder. “Sophie?” I repeated.
“My name is not Sophie. Having a name is a prosperity in which I am not worthy. If someone is so kind as to call me a name it shall be anything they please.” The pitch of her voice was unchanging, like an automation. I suddenly realized how ignorant I had been to the truth. They were doing this to me, my owners. It was like they had been brainwashing me. Everything I had thought was a repetition of the lies they had been feeding me. They took me for a fool and tricked me into believing them. What’s worse, I let them do it. I’m not sure what the truth is anymore but there is one thing I know. It is my confession. It will, hopefully, lead me to a new life. I have no idea who I am. I lost myself a long time ago. This life I lead scares me and the life ahead scares me even more.
Before long, I learned from Sophie that we had been working like this for 5 years now. It was my 18th birthday yesterday. When I arrived at my first location with Sophie and I figured out what was happening to me, I vowed to myself that when I turned 18, I would escape. I was still working on convincing Sophie that she did have a name but I was making progress. I couldn’t leave without her. We came into this together, we would get out together. I don’t have much time though. I overheard the man who I had been working for recently say that he was thinking of selling me. How awful those words are, the thought itself of selling a human being for a price of money. I have been trapped in an evil place for too long. Now is my time. This is my chance.
After I explained to Sophie as best as I could, she finally began to remember the first couple of days before we were separated. I hated to bring back the memories of these times for her. Of course, they were not as awful as what we had more recently experienced but the fear of the first few days was immense. It was a real life nightmare that we could never wake up from. Although I did not enjoy doing it, reminding Sophie of what happened 5 years ago seemed to help. She believed me that her name was Sophie.
We decided that we wouldn’t just make a break for it. That would not leave us much chance of succeeding as running aimlessly was too much of a risk. We had to have a plan. Sophie was to pretend to come down with a terrible sickness. When finally alone in her room, she would call in the watchers which would give me a chance to steal the key to the door from where I saw them hide it once.
Finally, the time came and all was going according to plan. Sophie’s illness was very believable, she played her part well and now it was my turn. I snuck out of my room when the man had left. Another one would be coming soon so I had to hurry. I found the key quickly but before pocketing it, I used it. I opened the door and for the first time in 5 years, I stepped outside. I felt the cool breeze in my hair and the sunlight on my skin. The door flew shut due to wind as I was daydreaming. I rushed back inside before I had the chance to plan out where we would run.
Getting caught was the last thing on my mind then. All I wanted to do was to experience the outside world again. It was different to how I remembered. Better. I heard the guards coming as I raced back to my room to hide the key. All we had to do was wait a few hours. Midnight was our deadline.
In the meantime, I had to keep the key hidden. That was my main focus. I replayed possible outcomes of our attempted escape over and over. I thought about how I opened the door and how easy it would have been for me to just run away. Leave that life behind. Why hadn’t I done it before?
It eventually came to midnight and I waited in the shadows for Sophie. I waited and waited. It was growing darker and I couldn’t just stand around. Something was wrong. I slinked down by the door to her room and saw her roped to a pole. She had tape over her mouth and looked beaten up. The watchers must have suspected something and gotten angry. I wondered if I was under surveillance as I walked into Sophie’s room to free her but I felt terrible and was thinking injudiciously. While I untied the ropes I felt so annoyed at myself for being so careless in letting her get in trouble for my mistakes.
“We have to go now!” She blurted out once I had stripped away the tape from her mouth.
“No! I’m so sorry. I won’t let it happen again. We can just stay until we have this planned out better!”
“Now! We have to do it now! We have to take this chance… There’s no turning back now.”
I blankly started at her for a second but didn’t waste another second thinking about it. I wanted to step outside and feel that rush so much. We silently darted back to my room to retrieve the key and get to the door. It was an exhilarating adventure as I stepped into the outside world again.
It all felt too easy, like it was too good to be true. I was just waiting for the complication, still wondering why I didn’t try to escape earlier. But then it came. Just as we started to run, the door slammed shut. Another careless mistake I made that really cost us. One of the watchers heard the noise and sprinted towards us. We ran and ran because our lives literally depended on it. He held out his gun and fired several shots. Fortunately, they all missed and we continued to run for miles. The man soon faded out of view and in exhaustion, we collapsed by the gutter on the side of the street. I was still afraid the guard would come after us. He would try to kill us again but I tried not to think about it.
The watchers tied some people at night but only ones who they thought were in need of punishment. For the rest of us, they tried to scare us. They told us stories of people who tried to escape and got killed instantly. They said there was no chance of escape. A man driving a taxi sped past but slowed as he saw us. He pulled over and wound down his window. I was alarmed and felt so frightened. Due to my experiences with strangers, I understandably did not trust anyone.
“Hey! Are you girls okay? What are you doing on the side of the road at this time of night?” He called out to us. I summoned the last bit of energy I had to move. I stood up and stumbled away, as did Sophie.
Our Last Hope
“Where are we master?” A confused and concerned look covered his face as I realized how ridiculous my question must have sounded. I feared that I would never be able to leave my past behind. What I had been taught was so stuck in me.
“Uhh this is San Francisco.” he noticed our blank faces. “You know... California, America. Are you two okay?”
“Yes thank you. Thank you very much for your time.” He stared at me for a second and shook his head before driving away. I turned to Sophie.
“What do we do now?”
Sophie explained to me that she had lived in California with her mother, father and two younger sisters up until her life changed for the worse. Considering our successful escape, we thought our luck would have changed but it hadn’t. Sophie did not at all recognize where we were but why would she? The chances of that were so slim. I don’t know why I had expected her to.
As I walked I questioned what I was doing. Why did I escape? Was it simply because I thought I would find a better life? Isn’t that what had tricked me in the first place – the promise of a better life? I know why I didn’t escape earlier. It was the fear. At least I had survived for 5 years. I hadn’t had the best food but at least I hadn’t starved. Now I had to face the facts. We were alone in a big city with no money, with nothing. Sophie said we should go to the police but changed her mind as soon as I mentioned my worries of them not believing us. Why would they? We were 18, no longer our parents’ responsibility. What if they arrested us?
We roamed the streets day and night, just hoping to survive, to hold on a little longer. Sophie was constantly distressed and had ongoing flashbacks of her experiences. Whenever she would see any person other than me, she’d begin shaking and tears would flood her face. It was horrible to witness Sophie’s trauma so it must have been unthinkably worse to suffer it. I wondered why I wasn’t affected in the same way as Sophie. I hardly remembered the details. Every man was just another drunken face. I felt so ashamed but not to the degree Sophie did. I didn’t continue to feel the pain, but there was one exception; the first man; the one that reminded me of my father. I’d never forget him.
My father passed away when I was just four. I don’t know what happened; my mother never talked about it. I don’t remember much from back then but I do know that he had a heart of gold. The one thing my mother did tell me about him was that he strived so hard day to day just to provide for us. He was always strong when things went wrong - he held our lives together. But he’s gone. He has been for a long time. Now it was up to me – I had to survive on my own.
Sophie and I had found a place to hide out that seemed safe for the time being. It was easy to access food scraps and there for taps with water around every corner. We had been easily avoiding people but I knew we wouldn’t last forever out here alone. One day, as we were going on our search for water a group of men in uniforms surrounded me. My stomach twisted and I let out a scream.
I felt faint and dizzy and I’m sure I must have passed out because the next thing I knew there were more people in uniforms but they were different uniforms. Sophie was there too. She was next to me – on a bed. I was on a bed too. I felt kind of drowsy, I didn’t have enough energy to be scared or even really wonder what was going on. All I knew was what my senses told me. I heard a steady beeping from a machine next to me. I took a deep breath and looked around. The room looked perfectly clean and orderly. There was a funny smell to the room though. I tried moving my arms to pull myself up but wires restricted me. The people in uniforms scribbled something down onto the clipboards in their hands as they whispered amongst themselves while observing us.
Everything became a blur as my eyes gently closed once again. I woke to find myself in a different room. It was small and very isolated. There were two men steadying me in a chair. They were two of the men that I saw when I was out for a drink, the men in uniforms. When they saw me awaken they cleared their throats and explained to me where I was. They said they had already talked to Sophie.
They explained that Sophie’s mother had filed a Missing Persons Report 24 hours after she noticed her disappearance. One of the men said they were both policemen and were worried about me being alone when they saw me in the streets. Then Sophie came along screaming for them to get away from me and one of them recognized her from a photo they were given when she was reported missing. They admitted us to a hospital and phoned Sophie’s mother. Sophie told them our story the beginning and talked about her own horrifying experiences when we were split up. The policemen said that we had been a part of an illegal business but he said we weren’t in trouble.
He believed Sophie! He will believe me! I shouldn’t have been so worried. There’s hope! “Oh thank you so much! I’m just so glad that my mother and brother are safe. I don’t know how you would have tracked them down but thank you so much! Where are they?”
“That’s the problem. There are no records of your mother or brother. Or you.” I couldn’t hear anything he said after that. My heart sank. My world came crashing down. How could that be? They weren’t safe yet. I had to go. I stood up and hurried towards the door. The policeman was shouting at me but I ignored him. “No…! No! Before it’s too late… I have to go now!” He pulled me back to my chair. My strength was nothing compared to his. “If your mother or brother is in danger, you running out on to the streets will not help. Be rational. Sophie said that you were from a different country. You had made plans to escape with your family? I can assure you that we will do all that we can to find your family and ensure their safety but for now, we have to worry about you. What about your father, where is he?”
“He passed away.” That was all I wanted to tell him about my father. Trust is a hard thing.
“I’m very sorry.” But he wasn’t sorry. How could he be? He didn’t even know my father. I barely did. He was just doing his job and that’s okay. “If you don’t mind, we will need to ask you a few questions.” And so that’s how the afternoon played out for me. I wasn’t a vault but I didn’t open up to them. I told them just what they needed to know and nothing more. It turned out that, with my permission, Sophie’s mother and father would be my legal guardians for the time necessary. I was happy with that. It was my best option and they were very kind to offer. I trusted Sophie and she said that her family was very kind. Her mother reminds me of my own in some ways and I couldn’t wait to meet Sophie’s sisters. Not to mention her father. I missed my own father so much.
Staying with Sophie was really different to how I remembered my life. I loved her family so much and I just loved every minute of being with them. News finally came through about my mother. I was overjoyed! She hadn’t been found but hidden between a crack in the bricks of a building a diary was found. It was turned in and it appears to be hers. In it was a description of how that fateful day turned out for her.
August 6th
[i]Today was the day everything was meant to change. Today was our chance. I left home in the early hours of the morning to get a few supplies. I was worried about Miriam and Xavier but I only planned to be a few minutes. While I was out I came across a man. I continued walking with my head down but he slid out a gun from his jacket and fired a shot which startled me. He did not aim to hit me, just to get my attention. He questioned me about what I was doing with the supplies I had. By that time I was close to home but I didn’t want to show him which direction I was heading in case he found Miriam and Xavier.
I made up a lie about having relatives come to visit but he didn’t buy it. He searched through my bags until he found my purse which contained a picture of Miriam and Xavier. He knew my biggest weakness. He told me that he could easily track them down with that photo. I cried out in protest and told him I wouldn’t cause him any trouble if he let me go. I was leaving the country with my children today I explained. He handed me my belongings and let go of me. I assumed he was happy for me to leave but as I tried to scurry home he shot at me. He missed the first few times but got me once. I dragged myself away, watching him fade into the darkness.
I didn’t stop until I was sure I was safe. There’s no way the man could have followed me without me knowing. Before I was married I worked as a doctor for several years. I remembered what I was taught to do. I examined the wound. The bleeding was heavy so I decided to remove the bullet myself and cauterize the wound.
I felt such an indescribable agony. I finally managed to get home but Miriam and Xavier are gone. “Impossible!” I repeated over and over. I immediately attempted getting myself up and pursuing them but I just couldn’t. Xavier and Miriam, if you ever read this I am so sorry. I will never forgive myself for not coming after you. I don’t know what happened to you but I promise you; when I survive I will dedicate my life to finding you.
I imagined the pain my mother would have been in. How she must have felt; dragging herself home after being shot; wanting the comfort of her smiling children and reaching home to see it empty. I sat there; letter in hand and wept for my mother.
News eventually came through about my brother. He had been abandoned on the streets and found by a woman who took him to an orphanage. All I wanted was to be with my mother and Xavier, safe and sound. But I did really appreciate Sophie and her family. They were all so generous and I was overjoyed when yesterday, they said that Xavier was coming to stay with us. The orphanage had kept him safe! I haven’t stopped smiling all day. I’m not sure how long it will be until I see him knowing that he is okay is all that I need for now.
[/i]
Scarred
For a few precious moments, nothing else mattered to me because I had my brother back. Sophie and I talked about how lucky we were to have ended up together and escaped. We shed our tears all night but eventually managed to smile at how it turned out. After that, time started passing really fast but I still could not shake some of my experiences and was still suffering. I thought I was in a good state of mind when I was on the run with Sophie but now I’m experiencing what she did. I often have regular flashbacks and nightmares. My emotions are constantly changing between anger, sadness, frustration and guilt but I never stop feeling ashamed.
After staying with Sophie and her family for over 6 months, I decided that I should get a job to help them out and work towards buying my own house. I found a job in dressmaking that didn’t provide much money but would still help. I prepared all of the meals and took it upon myself to clean the house every week but I spent most of my time with Xavier.
The New Beginning
The place where Sophie lived felt so much safer than where I used to be. I felt like I don’t have to always be on the lookout for danger. As I was walking to work one day I stumbled across a boy named Peter. He said he’d seen me around and we began talking. He told me he didn’t have any siblings and his parents had passed away in a car accident when he was 15. I briefly told him that I had been separated from my mother when I was young and was still looking for her. I asked Peter how he lives with no money but he told me that his parents had a large fortune that was all signed to him once they were gone. He said he was thinking about getting a job to earn his own money because his father always told him that hard work was the key to success and he’d always wanted to follow in his footsteps. Peter told me that he was, in fact, on his way to apply at the factory just a block down when he’d bumped into me. I told him I hoped to see him again soon and let him go on his way.
In the next few weeks when I saw Peter on my way to work we would talk for a while. I’d leave for work earlier than usual because he would never talk long as he did not want me to be late for work. We started meeting up during our lunch breaks and at the end of our work each day.
I hated being away from him. I always felt good when he was around. My world just made perfect sense when he was there. We talked for hours every day; about life – about everything. I eventually opened up to him about my past. He helped me heal my mental scars and renew my hope. I spent my days with Peter for the next 2 years and, in the third year he invited Xavier and I to live with him. He taught me how to let go of my past entirely. I’ve learnt that I really am strong, I can endure the worst of times and I do have worth. It’s never too late to be who I might have been. With Peter, I knew I’d found my true happiness. I felt like I really could soar through the skies with the wings of a butterfly, after all, anything is possible with God.
But this isn’t even close to the end of my story; it’s just the beginning.
