Kindred

We’re not bound by blood,
We were separated at birth.
You’re my unrelated sister,
And we always share mirth.

I would dive into the darkest
Pits of hell for you,
I’d beat every demon
This, I hope you knew

I will fight all your battles
If you desire me to,
And I’d kill all your enemies,
Yes, I’d do it for you.

Come to me, sister,
And let me shield you with light
So I may defeat all your fears
And be your heroine tonight.

I could never be truly angered
By their feelings for you,
For I could never despise
A sister so true.

For you’ll always be my kindred,
That shall never end.
No one could come between
My closest and finest friend.

I was all "awwwe! We are so much like this!" Then i neared the end and went "what the hell?" Then "ohhh!" Funny how who it w- but nevermind, this is a review, duh.

okay, my first catch on this is the emotion. I feel true, all forgiving, solid love. Nothing can blacken it. Like in immortal series. also, i liked your twist at the end, giving a new purpose to the poem. Things i didnt like so much. Near the begining, forgive me for not remembering, is a word used in rhyme that (even though it rhymes) does not quite fit. Also, there are some commas that break the rhythm. Wether that was on purpose or not, i do not know, but it sounds choppy to me. I do like how descriptive you were, and with some tweaks this poem can sound UH-MAZING. okay thats all


-VEE

We’re not bound by blood,
We were separated at birth.
You’re my unrelated sister,
And we always share mirth.

I would dive into the darkest #FF0000 ">This seems kind of cliche, but it fit's none the less.
Pits of hell for you,
I’d beat every demon #FF0000 ">It's cool that this has a playful, yet serious feel to it.
This, I hope you knew

I will fight all your battles
If you desire me to,
And I’d kill all your enemies,
Yes, I’d do it for you.

Come to me, sister
And let me shed you in light
So I may defeat all your fears
And be your heroine tonight.

I will never be truly angered
By his feelings for you, #FF0000 ">This line threw me off a bit.
For I could never despise
A friend so true.

For you’ll always be my kindred,
That shall never end.
No one could come between
My closest and finest friend.

Overall, I liked the poem. It doesn't really paint a picture to me, but maybe it's not supposed to. Though, it has more emotion than half the stuff in here.

Wow this was amazing! The hole time i was reading it i had one friend on my mind and u described the love u have for her and what I would do for her! Very good!

This was the sweetest poem I've ever read before! And I mean that.
The only word that I rarely hear is ....."mirth"...so I had to look it up.
But, I actually like it in this poem. It fits well, now that I know what it means!

BehindtheMask wrote:I’d beat every demon
This, I hope you knew

#FF0000 ">Instead of "knew" I think you should say "know" unless both of you stopped being friends, or she passed away. But, my hunch is that she is still alive, so, you should replace it with "know!"

BehindtheMask wrote:Come to me, sister
And let me shed you in light

#FF0000 ">"shed you in light" doesn't sound quite right here. Maybe, "shed you some light" or "cover you with light," or "shield you with light" would sound less awkward.

BehindtheMask wrote:I will never be truly angered
By the feelings for you,

#FF0000 ">Maybe replace "the feelings" with "my feelings" or "any feelings"

I loved the ending! But, for some reason I keep thinking:

BehindtheMask wrote:My closest and finest friend.

#FF0000 ">"My closest and dearest friend." But, that's just my opinion!

All in all, the poem poured out your feelings for your best friend! I thought it was so sweet. Great job, keep at it!

This poem showed me deep, strong feelings for someone. I'm not sure who, but I know that they're there. I really liked it, BTM. I've told you this before, but, you are an amazing author.

RA

Generally I thought this was quite a good piece of work but it did seem a little...watered down and cliched in places. The imagery could be stronger. I didn't feel the intense emotion that I would expect to feel when reading a poem about such a strong bond between two beings. I would also say that the rhythm is a little off in places but I have trouble getting that right, I guess it just takes practice. With a little tweaking it could be really good.

This is really good! I really like it! I felt I could really connect to it- I have a younger sister, and that is exactly how I feel for her, becasue she is so young and vunerable. Love it

I really like this poem! I can also connect, because I have two younger sisters, and I would do anything to make them feel loved and to make them feel better. This poem pretty much told me that anything can be done for your sibling, and you can make it happen. I really like this poem! Keep it up and good job!

- gleek456 <3