If You Fell...

Spoiler

Link to poem here
Entitled "If I fall". I know this is mushy( and I HATE mushy poems), but it actually isn't gross or anything. Tolerable!

If you fell... off a cliff,
I would die in order to save you.
If you climbed the highest mountain
I would pretend to fly along with you.
If you ever lost your way in life-
I would walk a million miles just to lead you back to the right path.
If you were about to die (God forbid),
Words would not be able to express my feelings for you.

And I've fallen...for you- just thought I'd let you know.
So I'm just hoping that you feel the same way.



Read this--->

Spoiler

***Okay. I had to do it. I just loved her poem- and hate unanswered questions. I hope you like it, Leanne. Please tell me what you think.***

This is the first ( non-controversial) poem that I've ever done.I just felt compelled to do it. Sorry.
So enjoy!

OH MY GOD, Jojo! I love what you've done. xD Thanks for the review. I forgot to mention, but Solvalery and I wrote the poem. I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks.

Thanks!
( and thanks to Solvalery)

Wow, this is really nice! You did a great job!

Sage

If you fell... off a cliff, I've un-bolded everything. The words should have impact by themselves, they shouldn't need the font changed
I would die in order to save you.
If you climbed the highest mountain
I would pretend to fly along with you. I love this
If you ever lost your way in life-
I would walk a million miles just to lead you back to the right path. This line is too long and clumsy
If you were about to die (God forbid), 'God Forbid' sounds too nonchalant
Words would not be able to express my feelings for you. find a new way to say this that is more deep and poetic

And I've fallen...for you- just thought I'd let you know.
So I'm just hoping that you feel the same way. For such a beautiful poem, this is too juvenile

Hi there. Lavvi in to review for you today.

This was very enjoyable. I really quite like how it led up to the last two lines: very well organized and written. However, I'm not a fan of the bolded word "die". It makes the poem stumble a bit and it sounded weird said in my head. Same goes for "million". If you insist on emphasizing, go with the less clunky underlines or italics. Just as the poem itself is important, image is just as or even more.

Yours,
Lavvi

eww but awesome

Aww, I really enjoyed this poem! Short and sweet, well in a sad way. I think it really goes well with the other poem. (I actually read and reviewed that one even before I knew you wrote this one, what a coincidence!)
Anyways, awesome job! I also agree with KatTrain that I don't think you should bold some words in your poem. They are powerful enough without bolding them. I also kind of find it distracting. My favourite part would have to be these two lines:

If you climbed the highest mountain
I would pretend to fly along with you.

Adorable! Love the imagery too.

Overall beautiful poem. Loved the concept and the words you used were perfect. Aside from the bolding, I wouldn't change a thing

Right off, I like how you have used the imagery. Of what I was expecting of the first line, it wasn't what I got. I like it, it seems to introduce the rest of the poem quite nicely. I realize that mushy poems may not be your strong point, (And trust me, it isn't mine either) but I like this poem, I liked reading it, and I adore the images I get from it. All I can say is: Keep writing!

This poem was good, but confused me a little. Perhaps it was because I couldn't really pick up the style. However, the concept is excellent. It presents good visuals, I.e. Flying up the mountain...makes me think Of a guardian angel. You do excellent work, I look forwards to reading more.

RA