If I Fall....

Hey guys! Solvalery and I wrote this poem. Lol. She thought it was not complete and that it needs more 'drafting'. But I'm posting it anyways. Inspired by a song H linked once, called "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol.

If I Fall... off a cliff-
Would you risk your life to save mine?
If I climb the highest mountain-
Would you be there with me and pretend to fly?
If I ever lost my way in life-
Would you tangle your hand in mine and walk me to the right path?
If I were about to die-
Would you tell me more than words as you lay by my side?
But most important of all, what I wanted to ask-
If I Fall... for you-
Will you love me the same way back?

Hello!
I'm Jojo and I shall be your reviewer for today!
I don't see any obvious grammar or anything, so I'll stick to structure for the poem review.
Edits/suggestions are in blue.

If I Fall... of-off- a cliff-
Would you risk your life to save mine-me-?
If I climb the highest mountain-
Would you be there with me to pretend to fly -with me-?
If I ever lost my way in life-
Would you tangle my hand in yours and walk me to the right path?
If I were about to die-
Would you tell me more than words as you lay by my side?- gah. I dunno.. I would switch that around if I were you..
But most important of all(?), what I wanted to ask-
If I Fall... for you-
Will you love me the same way back?- in return?

Overall:
OMGoodness!
I love this poem. it's a beautiful topic, beautiful concept, and beautiful execution.
Well done! Just a few of my never-ending nitpicks to fix up there- but other than that, nice job!

Keep Writing!
--------------------
-Jojo

I agree with everythin. Above except I siuldnt change the line about laying more than wofds etc. Brilliant job.

LeanneWood wrote:Hey guys! Solvalery and I wrote this poem. Lol. She thought it was not complete and that it needs more 'drafting'. But I'm posting it anyways. Inspired by a song H linked once, called "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol.

You... REALLY had to say all that? =.=

Lol. Just kidding... XD

If I Fall... off a cliff-
Would you risk your life to save mine?

Excuse my lame post, but...depending on the size of the cliff, would it not be impossible to save someone who's already fallen off?

I don't have much to say for this other than I love it! I wish I knew what the music you guys had in mind for it was because I would love to hear it.

hi.. Nice poem.. very good indeed. maybe the lines should have been a bit shorter. That's all... Good work:)

Beautiful!! I got little goosebumps reading it!

I Agree With The First Post!Honest Mistake Though, I Do It All The Time. I Love It! The Title Caught My Attention Cause "If I Fall" Is One Of My Favorite Matchbox Twenty Songs. It Also Reminded Me Of The Song "Grenade" At The End. But Your Poem Is Better Than The Song Keep Up The Good Work.

-XiahouZay

hello:)
I am rememberdecember and I will be your reviewer today.
The title really caught my attention and made me want to read it. As I was reading it I got lost in all the words and I could feel the emotion coming through it. Overall I think this is a very beautiful piece. Keep writing

Thanks guys.

Hey,
I really liked this poem. It was real and relatable. Great job guys.

Hello! I can totally relate to this poem! I know what it is like to want to fall in love with someone but be scared to do so because you don't know if the other person will love you back the same way. There are few errors (but I think the first commenter already caught them). I did want to tell you that you should not stop writing. This is good. Keep writing and if helps, write about things you know. (I tend to write a lot of poems based off of novels and such). You're doing great!