I'm not the best for a review on this piece, but the way you have with words is Brilliant! You can paint a picture that might not make much sense ( at least to me ) but the language you use makes it wonderful to read. It flowed very smoothly.
Where was the kicking in the face?
If you want to be a great writer, don't think about what you're going to write, just write it.
I'm a huge fan of writers block! When your brain halts, with no direction for where you should go, it gives you threads. All you have to do is pull and unravel the story you're meant to write.
