Almost Lost

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Spoiler
the generator gave me: a cop in fairyland eating pistachios :)


I was standing on the corner of Duchess Lane and Pilgrim Avenue munching on a pistachio nut when a little brat ran up and tore my fanny pack off my waist. I whipped my head around in shock. What kind of person would have the guts to steal something from a police officer?

Running off in the opposite direction I saw two small, sun-drenched pigtails bouncing up and down. The young Girl sprinted down the sidewalk, my blue fanny pack full of pistachio nuts in her hand and her small pair of wings waving in the wind, still not big enough to fly. Her tiny stature informed me she wasn't more than nine. Fairyland's youngest generations of fairies were getting more rebellious by the minute.

I threw my hands in the air and ran after her, her loud, choppy laughter reaching back to my ears. With each step my “Officer Bert Trundle” name tag flapped against my chest. I must have been the perfect target for her seeing as I couldn't fly to catch up to her. My thin, pale blue wings had given up on attempting to carry the weight of my ballooning belly long ago.

“Get back here, blondie!” I shouted. “I know who your parents are!” This was untrue, but I thought a nice, simple threat might make her question her ridiculous actions. It didn't work. The little fairy Girl laughed even louder and spun around to jut out a bubble-gum colored tongue in my direction. Small freckles dotted underneath her eyes and gave her the deceiving look of the most innocent girl.

“If you're really a cop, how come you can't catch me then? And how come you carry around this bag of stupid nuts?” she shouted in between chuckles.

We ran down the sidewalk, me several steps behind her and realizing I might need to go on a diet.

Other fairies stared with curiosity and amusement as I shouted, “Out of my way! That Girl's got my pistachios!” I pushed the onlookers out of my path causing one of them to fall over.

“Watch it, man!”

“Sorry! I'll call someone to help you!” I shouted back.

I pulled my black two-way radio from my belt and radioed for backup. “I need some help over on Cavanough Road and quick! A little brat needs to be scolded for stealing.” Someone radioed back a “10-4” and I picked up my pace.

As I followed the Girl around the corner, I saw her opening the zipper of my fanny pack. A few brave pistachio nuts fell out to the ground and I whimpered in despair. The Girl shoved her tiny little fingers into the bag, pulled a nut out of its shell and shoveled it into her mouth.

“Those aren't yours! You can't have any!” I shouted.

I pictured those poor, helpless pistachios rattling around in the fanny pack, their safety uncertain in the Girl's hands. I pictured their hard oval shell and their little green bodies rattling around inside. I imagined the way they crunched as I pleasantly popped them one at a time in my mouth. I had to get them back.

As the little Girl weaved in and out of passersby, I felt my stubby legs begin to pump harder. Sweat paraded down my face, encouraging me to go faster. Heavy breaths exploded from my mouth as I pushed myself to save my precious pistachios.

Suddenly, a sharp pain jetted into my lungs.

“Gah! A cramp!” I cried, feeling my legs buckle underneath me. My face hit the cement and I let my body lay sprawled out, defeated and out of breath. “No! My pistachios!” I reached out a hand in one last attempt to save them.

A few people stepped over my body with grumblings of “Get out of the way” and “What's the matter with him”, but I didn't care. My pistachio nuts were gone in the hands of the evil Girl.

Several feet away she turned around to soak in her victory. She shoved a menacing little hand into the fanny pack and scooped up a pile of nuts. “Guess I won't be needing these anymore!” she said, throwing them into the middle of the street.

I let out a final breath of helplessness that only made her bend over with laughter. “Better luck next time, policeman!” With that she whipped her pig tails around and began to run off, blinded by her confidence. Before she could stop herself, she ran directly into another police officer blocking her way. The Girl bounced off him and fell onto her back. Understanding she had been caught, the look of surprise on her face quickly melted into tears. The officer bent down and grabbed my poor fanny pack.

“Officer Trundle,” he said, “these yours?”

I rolled over onto my belly and used my excitement to hoist myself up. I barreled towards the officer with my arms outstretched and grabbed the fanny pack into my pudgy fingers. I pulled a single pistachio nut out of the bag, cracked off the shell and popped it into my warm mouth. I could rest now. My pistachio nuts were saved.
Last edited by ondraaayuh on Tue Jun 21, 2011 8:27 pm, edited 2 times in total.




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Hi ya there!
I really enjoyed reading your story. It was fun and light-hearted with a good sense of comical humor and moved along at a nice pace. I liked the ending as I was feeling quite sorry for the poor pudgy police officer:) The only thing I noticed:

another police officer#FF0000 "> guarding her way


It works, but I would try "blocking" as it fits the situation better.

Good luck in the contest and keep up the awesome work!
~Dakota Knight
What is important is to know fear and yet take a step forward.
Rosette Christopher

Looking for peeps to review my novel:)

novel.php?id=1142




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The end is like a punchline. Soooo funny! The idea of a fat fairy cop---hahaha. Maybe when she's opening the fanny pack and the nuts fall out, the cop should whimper in "anguish" or "despair" instead of pain, which made me think of physical pain.




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TEEHEE! *giggles uncontrollably then controls laughter, proceeding to chuckle gently and then types some more*

OK, so a few things. One; funny. I dig it. I think it has a lot of pizazz. [And if that isn't spelled right, let's just say that I spelled it wrong to give it "pizazz."] Another thing, I'm extremely biased toward the side of pistachio enthusiasts, considering I myself wrote my contest entry regarding pistachios. [Pistachio power.] I think all the good stories are about pistachios. Besides all those other good stories... anyway. #<|:{D

It has good humor, as it's absurd yet entertaining. And well-written. It's always good to write well-writtenly when writing. The characters were strong, and readers can imagine them well, which is something I like. Gold star.

But something I think should help you, you know, with winning the contest and all, is to re-write it, but write it really badly. People are into that kind of stuff now. lol, I kid! But seriously, good entry, and best of luck!




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Wow guys :) thank you so much for the feedback! I really appreciate the kind words and also the suggestions on changing some of the wording in the story. I am about to edit this now because I do think the changes do make it sound better. Thank you and I wish you all luck if you are entering the contest as well! :)



But sometimes a hypocrite is nothing more than a person who is in the process of changing.
— Dalinar (Oathbringer by Brandon Sanderson)