Life is a Journey

stargazer9927 wrote:

Spoiler

I'm not much of the poetry writer, but I was really proud of this one. It's called a Rondel for those of you who want to know. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it.

Life is a journey full of Learning
You can get through it if you try
And it is very possible to get by
And we all have our times of yearning

It’s not whether we get through it
But how we get through
We all need to take a hit
And no matter what always be true

This will get your far in life
And keep you on top if that’s what you desire
Learning and kindness are both required
Especially if you find yourself in strife
This my friend, you will hear with much rife

I'm not much of a poetry reviewer. More of a reader who leaves once they read it, clicks like if I like it, and such... I can't find much wrong with this..... I wish I could be helpful. But I do like it.
~Ladypurple.

So, I'm trying to decide as to whether I like this or not, and I don't know if I can come to a conclusion. While it's sweet and the messages of this poem are very true, it doesn't feel very poetic, and you're just jumping out and giving us this ideas as opposed to finding a way to make this message clear without stating it directly.

So my advice is to be subtle. Why does learning and kindness get you far in life? What are times of yearning? Why does how we get through life make a difference? Those are probably the most important points you bring up in the poem; how could you relay them, showing us why they're important as opposed to just telling us that they are?

Think about that when you revise. Thanks for the read! PM me if you have any questions.

-Elinor x

Well, I’ve learned something today if nothing else because of you, but only because I had no idea what a Rondel was. Not only that, but started this review about four hours ago, went to a party, and came home to finish it. You should be honored. Haha.

And after reading up on Rondels, I have to say you did a nice job here, especially within the realms of such a particular rhyming pattern. There was one little typo I spotted however.

This will get your far in life

The thing about this is that I’m not sure about how poetic this poem is meant to be. It has the poetic structure and all of that, but something about it doesn’t quite feel poetic about it. Don’t worry so much about writing within the structure of a poem type. Worry about pulling the poem from out of your gut. Then, and only after you have the words and the images you’re really feeling, should you worry so much about putting it into a certain rhyming pattern.


If you have any questions, feel free to PM me or leave a message on my wall.

~lilymoore

Hi stargazer9927,

I didn't mind this poem at all! I felt all the messages in this poem were soul-deep and I thought they were all very true. You commented before your poem that you enjoyed writing it. That's great, to be a great writer you need to like what flows from your mind to a page! Writing should really be enjoyable!

Now for my nit-picks. It could be a bit more poetic. Make every second line rhyme instead of every third of fourth. You'll find it'll have a much nicer flow. But I love how you've sorted it into stanzas! Great work!

Best wishes for future writing!

RedLeaf

In a way I kind of agree with Elinor, poetry should be subtle, you shouldn't just spell it out. You should use imagery, and fantaboulous (I know this isn't a word -.-) wording to convey the emotion that you're trying to let pull through. I did not know what a Rondel was so I Googled it, and I think you placed the rhymes in perfectly. I like this, but I think it could be way better.

In my opinion, I think poetry should be beautiful and simply fly off the page. Yours didn't do that -for me- but I bet you have the potential to.

Anger.

stargazer9927 wrote:

Spoiler

I'm not much of the poetry writer, but I was really proud of this one. It's called a Rondel for those of you who want to know. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it.

Life is a journey full of Learning
You can get through it if you try
And it is very possible to get by
And we all have our times of yearning

It’s not whether we get through it
But how we get through
We all need to take a hit
And no matter what always be true

This will get your far in life
And keep you on top if that’s what you desire
Learning and kindness are both required
Especially if you find yourself in strife
This my friend, you will hear with much rife

Okay here is my review:
I did not find any grammatical errors or sentence structure ones either. However I think it was a little simple, and life is never too simple.

Especially if you find yourself in strife
This my friend, you will hear with much rife

I thought this sentence was rushed, it's liked you came up with a nice word, rushed it into a sentence, and put a rhyming word.

It was nice though, good job ^^

Hey there,

The Rondel works, structurally. However, this reads more like prose. Poetry should us imagery and metaphors---you shouldn't spell it out for your readers. Your idea here, life being a journey, though somewhat cliched, can be pulled off well. You have the beginnings of a good rondel. I think with some editing, this could be good!

-Spork

Thanks guys. I didn't really like poetry last year but ever since I've been in Advanced Creative Writing I'm starting to feel something with it. I'm just a beginner so I still trying to learn more about it. Thanks for all your comments. I think this is the most comments and best comments I've ever gotten on any of my writing. I'll definitely think about what you guys said.

Dude, I really liked this. Keep writing, it's waaaay better than my poetry.

I am not really all knowing in the writing of poetry, but this poem to me seems to speak the truth to life. Keep writing.

I thought that this poem was really well written. One thing I don't like is the fact it's so mainstream; the whole life a journey, the destination doesn't matter it's the journey< all that jazzz. Nonetheless I really did like it even if the topic was overused, you did a great job.