War Song

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This was an English assignment after we finished The Things They Carried. My teacher asked us to write something that brought truth to people’s eyes, any type of truth so this is my very rough idea—please just….destroy it haha

I’m not going to ask anything of you,
I’m just going to stand here and share the truth.
I don’t want to recite my story,
So let me just say this, some accounts of personal remiss.

For the daughter waiting by the phone,
Watching the clock tick away, taking all her hope, leaving her alone.
The tests results are still unknown; she ties her heart together with one more thread,
Thinking of all the time that’s passed with so much gone unsaid.

I’m not going to ask you to say a prayer
I’m just sitting here, trying to simply share,
It’s not my story, but who’s to compare,
Pain, love, and losing someone you can’t breathe without.

Screaming under water, being the only survivor, wondering why he died, when you’re still alive.
“Help me understand!”
Screams a woman, confused at why she didn’t play her own hand.
Instead, she forced herself to be fixed unhappily
Behind the bars of a failing marriage, there’s no escape, “but what about the children”,
Is what she tells herself more times with every passing day.
Except they’re heads have been turning with everything she wishes she could do,
Unlike a snow globe trapped with only one view,
They see what’s going on, so I continue to write this song.

The disappearance of a smile, as a father takes a little while,
To answer his baby girl when she asks, “When’s mommy coming back”?
The occasional young mother, still a child herself, holding her four year old son,
And when he starts to scream, she’s screaming to, for everything that’s come undone.

The story books that we’ve all read
Would never dare tell the stories of life,
Instead, they take a glass slipper and turn into a wonderful dream,
As a little girl wants be a mermaid, never knowing how life’s going to play out,
When all adults can see the immorality of the world today,
So what’s the use of waking up with each passing day?

Not all of us can stand up and scream what we really need to say.
Some of us can’t understand the absence and dismay.
Other screams while some just cry and the occasional few
Do everything they believe they should do.
No human being can bring back a life, but the smile and the joy in their eyes
Can always be remembered, so don’t forget the different heartaches and personal glories,
Every story shouldn’t be told, but lies shouldn’t be the mold of a perfect life,
Take the ability to care and leave the strife.
When nothing goes right, go left




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I'm not very good at destroying things so I might disappoint but here I go anyway. I like the start, neat and structured but it seems to turn after that. What you are saying is great but I suggest you find a better way to organise every thing. I suggest breaking up the rather large chunky stanzas into something more palatable. I love the ideas behind this and It obviously has great potential. I know there is rhyme but I can't seem to find any certain pattern but apart from that it reads quite well. I'm no expert though!

Any way Great work!
Stay gold, Ponyboy - S.E. Hinton




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Points 1158
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I really liked the beggining but i thinkin the middle and end you had so many ideas you just wrote them all down and i felt you should have structured them in a better way.



When your heart gets pierced with arrows, don't rip them out and pierce those around you in retribution for your hurt. You'll only unnecessarily wound others and bleed to death yourself.
— LadyMysterio