Take Flight

Take flight, little birds,
Do not be scared.
It's a big world out there,
But you're well prepared.

You'll encounter some troubles,
Like finding a place of your own.
But fear not, little birds,
You'll find a great home.

The winters are mild,
The summers are warm,
Expectations are high,
But you'll take them by storm.

Remember to visit,
And keep me in mind,
I hope that you'll go far,
But not leave me behind.

So take flight, little birds,
Do not be scared.
It's a big world out there,
But you're well prepared.

I wrote this for those little birds in that tree. I'll write another one when they actually do leave.

~Allie Rose~

Hey Allie!

This is a great poem, I love how you focused on the birds yet you talked about the different aspects the affect their lives, it's well though out! The words that you place on this poem is just marvelous. Keep writing Allie!

~Vit

Hi Allie! Onto the second poem. xD

Okay, so, I really did like this. Rhymes and all. Usually, I hate rhyming schemes - I'm sure you picked that up from my last review when I said that I was happy that the poem didn't rhyme. (Wordy sentence much? oo") But this poem was just sweet and... well it was just an adorable poem overall. xD Suprisingly, I didn't find that the rhymes took away from that.

They seemed a lot more natural than most rhyming schemes that I read - which sort of surprised me a bit. I'm afraid that I'm not the best at reviewing poems like this, so I'm just going to attempt to give some constructive crit. now. xD

The only part of the poem that I didn't really like was the very first line. It was a bit of a cliche to start a poem on, but I guess that it would be pretty tricky to find another way to start it, so I won't dwell on that. xD

Sorry that this review is so much shorter/more useless compared to the other one, but hey, there really isn't that much to say. xD

Keep writing,
~~Ish.

Hey Allie. A bit late but here I am.

I'm not completely sure how I feel about this but I'm leaning towards liking it. There's not much to the piece, but it's just supposed to be a cute rhyming poem.

One thing I like about this is how the rhyming flows along rather effortlessly. My biggest problem with rhyming poetry is how the rhymes sometimes feel forced, but by keeping the images and ideas rather simple you get away with the vocabulary required to create an easy rhyme. This somewhat simple vocab works really well in the poem because you're consistent with it. You also manage to give a pretty strong meaning to the poem, even with the simple vocabulary.

And I have to mention the meaning here a bit. Even though it's about birds, the whole poem becomes a giant metaphor for anybody leaving their mentor or guardian and I really like that. It gives another meaning to this rather sweet topic, and prevents it from becoming too sweet. There's a touch of melancholy in the poem, watching them grow up only knowing they'll leave. I liked that extra layer to the poem; it made it past a simple rhyming poem into a poem I looked at a bit more closely.

Overall, this was short, sweet, and surprisingly deep. I enjoyed it.

PM me if you have any questions/comments.

~Rosey

I dont usually write poems about animals or nature, but you make me look at birds a whole NEW WAY! or if the little birds was symbolic for something, it worked that way too. Either way, its a great piece of work. Don't stop.

Allie, this is a very cute poem! The rhyme scheme is well executed, and the message you're conveying is something I can truly admire! I actually think that this poem would be ideal for a children's story! Very cute, indeed.

"Remember to visit,
And keep me in mind,
I hope that you'll go far,
But not leave me behind."

That's my favorite stanza!

Keep writing, and keep looking closely at nature!

Allie wrote:Take flight, little birds,
Do not be scared.
It's a big world out there,
But you're well prepared.

You'll encounter some troubles,
Like finding a place of your own.
But fear not, little birds,
You'll find a great home.

The winters are mild,
The summers are warm,
Expectations are high,
But you'll take them by storm.

Remember to visit,
And keep me in mind,
I hope that you'll go far,
But not leave me behind.

So take flight, little birds,
Do not be scared.
It's a big world out there,
But you're well prepared.

I wrote this for those little birds in that tree. I'll write another one when they actually do leave.

~Allie Rose~

Allie, a cute poem, with a premise of reassuring anyone and everything leaving something familiar to the unknown that they are in fact ok, and will be fine. Yes, this is fine, but personally I've never struggled with adjusting to a new social setting or change in scenery: I adapt or I don't adapt. So to present this as a motherly speaking voice falls flat for me...do most people want to read something that addresses them as little frightened birds?

Additionally, the rhymes, while done well, are not a great foundation for a poem. Anyone can rhyme and say they've made a poem. But how do they make the rhymes seem unforced? I mean this primarily: how do we most past rhymes to end our lines simply because we need that RIGHT word to rhyme? Because in my opinion, the rhyme forces your lines to meet certain expectations and if you can't perfectly master rhymes and your theme in a way that's interesting NOW, I feel like the poem itself instantly ages itself. Suddenly it becomes archaic.

Also, you do not need to capitalize each line. In fact, don't. Aesthetically it's not pleasing and particularly annoying. Capitalize like prose if you insist on grammar and punctuation, but really consider how your poem looks aesthetically.

Aww, I really like this poem. It's completely adorable and I love the message it has. I also like the way it rhymes and everything... it sounds like something you would read to children. And, let's face it, I'm kind of a sucker for children's poetry!

Anyway, this poem actually reminds me of a poem that I read from an old schoolhouse book made to teach children lessons and such. They would rhyme and be in verse, very much like this, and they would usually have a message for the children to follow. And these little books were the main things that children were taught how to read in California, back in the 1800s. So, I guess the point of this story is that you were born in the wrong era and this would have been perfect for that sort of book way back when! But... then again I am glad that you are in this era so that I could get a chance to read it.

Anyway, the point is that this is a perfectly lovely poem and I'm really glad to have found it. So cute! When you do its sequel, be sure to bug me with a link of it!

I absolutely loved it, like, I dont even know how to describe it. It wasnt too deep, but it wasnt too shallow and about nothing. It was quaint and cute and not too long, but the message there was awesome. I loved everything about it, like DONT CHANGE ANYTHING! In all honesty, this might be my third favorite poem OF ALL TIME. And the best thing I've ever read on YWS.

So take flight, little birds,
Do not be scared.
It's a big world out there,
But you're well prepared.

^^ The best part.
Please, Keep Writing!

I like the hopeful attitude that you've created with this poem and also I think that by repeating the first paragraph at the end you have successfully brought it to a suitable conclusion. It is easy to follow which is quite refreshing and you haven't attempted to do anything too clever and kept it fairly simple which is also lovely to see. Very promising keep up the good work.