No one can write a letter
To an old friend,
Full of remembrance and comfort.
You can list the endless memories…
In that treasure chest full of them.
But old memories have been replaced.
With new ones fresh and crisp.
Still tangible, still alive,
Still pulsing, glorious,
Like a robin’s song in one’s ear.
Can you still hear the song of old friendship?
Buried deep under all the new things and experiences?
The song of old friendship is still strong.
It’s calling us back,
Ringing loud in our bones,
A connection beyond anything
In flesh and blood.
And yet we can’t write that letter.
Why it seems so shameful –
To make them remember something
Seemingly so long forgotten,
And seemingly so far away.
Why they’ll laugh at my foolishness –
No doubt.
They’ll say:
“Who is she?
Do I even remember,
Her once-familiar name?
She is gone, I moved on,
And how dare she now tell me
That I was the sweetest,
The kindest,
The finest.
The best.
That I was the sun
That showed her the path,
That I was the moon
That lit up the sky in her night -
All those years.”
I imagined the letter,
Smudged with her tears,
And I knew,
My old friend missed me too.
So I took up a pen,
And went back to a time –
When the sun was so hot on our backs
As we ran.
And the cold splash of water
Relieved our young, fearless faces
Toughened up by hard work.
We were athletes.
And friends.
Surely closer than sisters.
Oh, so young and ambitious.
So brave and ferocious.
We knew we were lucky –
We traveled the world.
But never without cries of pain
And of sore. Sometimes
We pitied ourselves,
And we pitied each other.
A life full of sacrifice –
Was it worth that single,
Unpredicted moment of glory?
But we kept moving forward,
Not waiting for answers.
We were stubborn as bulls
At age five and age ten.
We cried at our failures,
We laughed at our triumphs,
And we never allowed ourselves
To fall and not rise again.
Or to watch a friend fall
And not help them up.
We were like an unbreakable chain.
Individual,
But dependant on our love for each other.
If one of us falls –
We fall.
If one of us cries –
We moan.
We were a team,
And we had a goal.
And do you remember
The dread of the day –
When I finally told you I’m moving away?
I remember your eyes,
Blue as the sea,
Turn big,
And then dim.
Something broke in us both,
On that horrible day.
When I moved away.
Across the ocean, alone,
I swore I would remember you all ways...
My darling old friend -
I missed you so much.
I was lost without you near.
I had nobody here.
I had nothing here.
My heart was empty,
My tongue was speechless.
I was an ant under stamping,
furious feet.
I had no one to talk to.
I was lost and deserted.
Yet each day I heard you,
A serene call in my heart.
Pulling me back to safety,
Pulling me back home.
Slowly my sadness turned into anger.
My weakness unnerved me.
Why was I trembling, why was I fearing?!
Why was I not speaking?!
I usually did that -
Only too well!
Why was I shy?!
Why was I timid?!
These unfamiliar strangers
Threw my whole nature off balance!
Now I was determined
To show them who I really was.
Somebody set with a plan,
Not fragile and swaying
As if a breeze had gone by.
I was to show them
Just what they faced.
Why I was the one -
Who was worth the whole bunch!
I knew more then their little skins ever knew!
I've gone through more
Then their chicken brains
Ever dreamed!
That was all true,
But I willed my stubborness
Not to settle on this view.
I was not better than any.
Yes! That's the approach.
Perhaps smarter and wiser -
But not any better,
I had to believe so.
Otherwise
I would be just one of them.
Thoghtless,
But chocked up by their pride.
Stupid,
But constantly seeking
Ungranted attention.
No, I was not one of them,
But pretended to be.
So they took me in.
They weren't my friends.
And each time I closed my eyes,
A shield agains't their foolishness,
I heard you.
My old friend.
Calling me back.
