The Unspeakable

The wind blows always

though it might not seem it
the wind is always there
however soft it may be

Not that night.
that night
the world was still
and my mind raced
with wonder and apathy.

The smoke from my cigarette,
with no wind to guide it,
hung in my face
desperately grasping at escape,
knowing it's attempts
at freedom were in vain.

I sat on my porch,
unable to bring myself
to look out into the world,
staring at the walkway.
It seemed crisp
in the dim porch light
somehow more real than
in daylight.

My observations of the
cold cement were of no significance
until a crawler came into view.
It seemed unreal
the way it just appeared
as if it had been there all along
just invisible to my eyes.

there was a moment of tension
as we both wondered
what the other was going to do next.

My cigarette was mostly ash
and I tossed it aside
now useless to me,
and left this world behind me
and could only hope
that dreams would rid me of this nightmare.

Hey RileyJ!

Okay, so I was reading your poem, and I think that it might start off better with these lines:

I sat on my porch,
unable to bring myself

It's just, the beginning of the poem seems to be mostly the set up, which is good and everything, but the set up isn't that powerful, and once you start from here, there is so much power in your words. Like, the crawler coming into view, the light fading, the walkway that is barren instead of the crawler (which is a creepy, almost demonic image in itself), and the cigarette which has turned to ash... all of these images are really powerful, and I can't help that this poem's moody atmosphere would be so much better if you cut off the beginning stanzas and used these instead. Because this is where the nightmare seems to be.

Also, I would probably change the title. Maybe something about the wind never blowing on the nights it is most needed? I don't know. But, this poem could use a really spiffy title!

Anyway, good luck with your poem! It's very enjoyable... I just think it would be strengthened if you cut off some of the beginning.

Hello there. :3

RileyJ wrote:The wind blows always,
So is there any particular reason on keeping this place blank or it was just a mistake?
though it might not seem it. I think it will be "seem to" instead of "seem it".
the wind is always there
however soft it may be.

Not that night. By this do you mean that there was no wind that night?
that night,
the world was still
and my mind raced
with wonder and apathy.

The smoke from my cigarette,
with no wind to guide it,
hung in my face How about: "Hung onto my face"?
desperately grasping at escape,
knowing it's attempts If you keep this line as it is then you should add a comma after knowing, otherwise you use add "that" after it.
at freedom were in vain.

I sat on my porch,
unable to bring myself
to look out into the world,
staring at the walkway.
It seemed crisp
in the dim porch light
somehow more real than
in daylight. This stanza had a really good imagery. The images were really prominent and I was able to experience it. Good imagery, my friend.

My observations of the
cold cement were of no significance,
until a crawler came into view. until a crawler came into the view.
It seemed unreal
the way it just appeared. Remove "just" from this line. It is better without "just".
as if it had been there all along
just invisible to my eyes.

there was a moment of tension
as we both wondered,
what the other was going to do next.

My cigarette was mostly ash,
and I tossed it aside
now useless to me,
and left this world behind me.
and could only hope
that dreams would rid me of this nightmare. This stanza consists of a lot of and's. This feels a bit awkward while because and's come quite frequently. You could always replace them with some other words.

It was a very good poem. I liked it a lot. The imagery in it was just great. It was creepy and mysterious and quite real. But you need to give a bit more emphasis on the punctuations. I hope my review helps. If you have any queries just let me know.
Keep writing.