Lighted, Cracked Rubies

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A/N - I've been away from YWS for a while - atleast in the writing section. Also, this is my first un-assigned poem I've written in a while, so give me all ya' got, YWS! I'm not too keen on the ending...I may just re-vamp that to something more - I'm not sure. Enjoy? Enjoy! :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lighted, Cracked Rubies

It was the cracked Ruby on the cinder floor -
glistening by the ember glow and showing us the way.
Cracked stones - and how I love them so!
Oh, and the lights that night - the stars -
each one carried me into the heavens like
a bee's wings - speedily and sweet. I needed to
know why some things were imperfect. I needed
a fractured fairytale - and if the answer to my
wishes were by God.
I met Him, you know -
and He told me of cracked Rubies - and how they
were more special. I asked why - but all He said
was that when light was there, you could see the beauty
in the soul-stone that kept us alive. I returned to
my glass house and there the Ruby lay -
it had burned the floor - and I realized -
I had to buy curtains - or die.
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ZOMG, it's wisemann210! Nice to see you back in the literary forums. :D

You seem to be developing your poetry style! It's nice to see that. :)

My main comment is that you didn't really use the ruby imagery to its maximum potential. I mean... okay, so when I was younger I studied gemology because I was obsessed and I loved sparkly things. Don't judge! Anyway, so I learned a lot of things about rubies, such as they are level 8 hardness on the Moh's scale, they are actually a form of sapphire... and so on and so forth. So, when you talked about rubies, I had to wonder what you were talking about! They seem to be more like flares than rubies, with the descriptions such that you were talking about how they light up the way. I kind of wondered why you chose this imagery, but you didn't really give out any clues in your poem as to why you did this and you kind of just drifted off into this talk about stars and bees and God. I mean, I guess you can make some sort of connection between these, but apart from the God talk (since he actually brought up the whole ruby thing) you didn't really use this imagery that well. So just be careful of that! :D

But I definitely liked how you experimented with this poem. Your poetry has gotten sooo much better!
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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Thank you, Piggy! :D I agree - I'm going to go back and add more imagery as to what the Ruby is - and other such stuff. Sapphires are my favorite. :3
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"would you still love me if i was a worm" yeah babe i would AND id get you your own compost bin so we could enter gardening competitions together
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