It was a Mexican stand off at it's best. I stared her down. She returned the stare. It was a battle of will and intimidation. I refused to step down. Students walking past whispered and pointed, noticing something was obviously wrong between these two teachers. A student got a bit close to Mrs. Mansfield, the woman I was trying to face off. This distracted her, and I lost it. Running towards her, screaming to add affect. And suddenly I was on her, hitting and spitting and scratching. But Mrs. Mansfield was not giving up easy. We struggled on the floor for several minutes, yelling and swearing with students laughing and cheering us on. In the back of my mind, I noticed there was a group chanting my name. "Ms Robin, Ms Robin, Ms Robin!" They shouted. Typical that the students were rooting for the casual teacher. But I ignored this, intent only on making this horrible woman feel pain. I closed my eyes as we began to pull hair, letting my killer's instinct take over. But suddenly my hands were not reaching Mrs. Mansfield's face. I opened my eyes, confused about why my hands were only grabbing air. I noticed a calloused hand pulling me up by my collar. Looking around I was suddenly staring into the eyes of the principal, and boy was he mad. I noticed a vein pulsing in his forehead as the students groaned and whined about the cat fight between dignified teachers suddenly being over.
First off, I kind of like this idea. It's not often that we get to see adults acting like this in stories, certainly not from their viewpoint, and it just isn't something you see many a story about. Plus, I freakin' love the title.
The way this is formatted makes it kind of hard to read though. It's not quite as eyeball-bleedingly bad here because it's fairly short (as opposed to pages and pages), but with everything clumped into one paragraph like that, it's really hard to read. Break it up into several smaller paragraphs and it will be much easier on the reader's eyes.
A little backstory into this fight would be nice. I mean, why are the teachers fighting? What brought them to actual blows, as opposed to just verbally ripping into each other? What led up to this? As is, we're just thrown into the fight and with no context, I'm a little confused as to why the two "dignified" teachers are doing this and not really feeling any sympathy for them. Why does Ms. Robin hate Mrs. Mansfield?
What comes after this? What is the consequence for these two?
We need a bit more to really root this story. As, it's just sort of a fight scene... Just a scene. It brings up a lot of questions, but doesn't really answer much. Give us a little more. Let us get to know these characters and their disagreement. The fight will pack so much more of an emotional impact if we know and can care about their stories.
WELL HAI There NERDIE!!!!! =D I'm want to tell you that I think this is funny =P I really liked it and it was really descriptive and fun to read. I'm happy that you kept the names Robin and Mansfield!!! =D I think that your story is really realistic, not that teachers go around having mental fights, but I can imagine the students whispering and cheering if that did happen =] Keep it as it is!!! Seriously I think its really good!! It you wanted to add more to it, like make it a story, I think that would be really good too! =DDDDDD
Hey! Im going to be honest, ok? I do like it and it was amusing to read. Loved the first sentence:P But.. it didn't flow as nicely as I know you can make it (sorry). For example my dear, when you use down twice, and using stared and stare. Maybe try a different word so it doesnt begin with a sense of repitition? Such as 'my glare' instead of 'the stare'.
I stared her #FF0040 ">down. She returned the stare. It was a battle of will and intimidation. I refused to step #FF0040 ">down.
That was all that bothered me:P Hope it helps:) ~Layla Flame
I have one question. What happened to make two "dignified teachers" get so grrrrr. Were they fighting over somthing, or someone? I guess the title kind of helps in that respect. I thought it was funny mostly but I was interested in knowing more about the whole thing, namely why they were so pissed, and what happened to their sorry butts afterwards. Nice.
