Spoiler
So I thought I should have some explanation about this story. I wrote it about a year ago and I'm not sure why. I think it was because I liked a particular girl and somehow the rabbits factor in there and I'm not sure where. I just liked writing it. Feel free to not like reading it, though. I blame Kelly Link's Stone Animals, but the fault also lies with a preconceived notion that rabbits are evil and are plotting something in their cute little fuzzy minds.
It started out well. I told myself I was over — the nights spent thrashing in my sheets, screaming for the pain to end; the horrifying visions dancing on the insides of my eyelids; the small, white, fluffy tails I could see out of the corner of my vision, but not when I looked directly at them.
I spent three years insane. No one knew but I, as I had grown quite adept at repressing it in social gatherings, though I occasionally gave in to the urge to chase squirrels when I could cover it up as a joke.
Now, after those three long years, I awoke with a clear mind. I saw everything in its true light and was able to distinguish green from orange. I rejoiced at this, thinking perhaps I was out of the woods.
I was dead wrong.
For two days, I cautiously waited to see if I would descend once more into the madness. It appeared not, as each day I awoke and felt exuberant, alive and clear-headed. I decided to experiment. I went to a coffee shop and ordered something with strawberry flavoring. To my surprise and delight, I was able to drink it; though I didn't much care for it, since it was too sweet.
I spent the next few days in a joyful mood, seeing friends, contemplating my future and in general having a good time without the pesky feeling that I was being watched by that grotesque chipmunk.
Then on Friday night, it entered my brain that I should spend the night doing something fun. I called a few friends and arranged that we meet at the Rat Parlor.
For the first twenty minutes of conversation, all was well.
Then I saw a rabbit climb onto the table and start bathing in one of my friends' bowl of soup. I would've said something to her, but she didn't seem to notice as she kept eating.
Then our waiter brought us drinks and each cup had a rabbit curled around it. I was reluctant to touch my cup for fear that instead of cold glass I would feel soft bunny fur.
My salad, when it came, had a rabbit lounging in it, his head laid back in languid repose on the croutons.
"No." I whispered.
"Really? I thought you liked her." Terrence said with surprise.
"What?" I said distractedly, "Liked who?"
"Liked whom. That girl at the printer's shop. You always volunteer to take papers for copying."
I colored slightly, momentarily ignoring the rabbits dancing a meringue on his New York strip steak. "I like the exercise."
"And yet you never volunteer when she's not there."
Any other night I would've graciously admitted I liked the printer's shop girl (the bunnies were much more tame around her, for some reason, and sometimes I'd even leave them at the door), but tonight I was preoccupied as there was a bunny nibbling on my toes. It tickled, but I refused to laugh.
A bunny crawled up my chair and lit on my head. It started playing with my hair.
"What's up with you anyway? You seemed so relaxed just a minute ago and now you're all tense." Frederick asked.
Before I could try to fabricate a reply, Terrence said, "It's probably because the printer girl's here."
I froze. The rabbit on my head was joined by another, which began licking my ear. "What? Where?"
"Over there, at the bar. You should go talk to her."
I couldn't. Not tonight. The bunnies weren't behaving properly. The pub was slowly filling with them now and I was almost afraid to set foot on the floor for fear of crushing one of them.
"I can't." I said pitifully.
"Yes, you can. You go up to her and say, 'hi.' It's not that difficult." Frederick said.
"Yeah, you would know, Fred." Sandra said maliciously. Frederick and Sandra had a long, depressing history that they thought they were hiding from the rest of us.
Frederick bit his lip and probably would've started a whispered row with Sandra, but Terrence said, "Hey, you should try out this pickup line I just heard, it goes like this: The guys says, "Hey, do you believe in love at first sight? Then the girl says —'"
I got up before he could finish. There was too much going on. The bunnies were back, my friends were having personal troubles and now the printer's shop girl.
I went into the bathroom to try to clear my head. I turned on the faucet and pale green sludge gushed forth. I turned the tap off and stood watching the lights flicker. They started changing color slightly with each flicker, then they became blue and stayed like that.
I hurriedly exited the bathroom to find that the bunnies in the main area had started a salsa club. The pounding music and flashing lights made me severely disoriented. I stumbled around for a bit before collapsing into a bar stool.
I looked up and saw that the printer's shop girl was sitting right next to me, pointedly ignoring me. I must've looked a mess, admittedly. This was the worst attack the bunnies had made on me yet.
I ordered a screwdriver.
I knew I shouldn't be drinking with the bunnies around, but I felt I had to get something since the bartender was looking at me with a half-expectant, half-disgusted look.
I paid for my drink and started sipping it. After a little while I noticed that the music from the bunnies had stopped. I looked around, chancing to see my friends making encouraging motions.
The bunnies were watching me. All of them. They were crowded around me in a half-circle, staring.
I turned to the printer's shop girl and said something. I don't actually know what I said, but she smiled at me and said, "Oh, thank you."
I think she still thought I was drunk.
The rest of the night passed well. The bunnies stayed a respectful distance as I talked to the printer's shop girl, and when she left, they didn't bother me as much. My friends, of course, teased me about it all night, but I managed to ignore the bunnies enough to have a reasonable conversation.
The next day was hell, of course, and the bunnies locked me in the basement.
But now...now I know their weakness.
And I plan to exploit it to the fullest.
Keep writing!
