The Soul Collector- 3

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Alec disliked the realm of the dead, other than the obvious reason, because of the smell...or...lack of one. The human world had so many sounds and scents but the Dead World had no sounds above a whisper and absolutely no smell whatsoever. This is why it always baffled him that a large portion of the Dead World if not the world in its entirety, had fields and fields of flowers. They were all tended to by Olivia, who was once just another collector but now took care of the souls in the dead world. Olivia had hair that was such a rich, dark red that without sufficient lighting it looked black, her skin was a beautiful copper and her eyes were green, blue and brown all in one.

Olivia traipsed across the field of roses barefoot, wearing only a full-length white dress that seemed to glow by the light of the gigantic, ever-present full moon. Alec wondered how the dress didn’t catch on any thorns. “This is the Dead World, Alexander, anything is possible.”

“I wish you wouldn’t read my thoughts,” Alec said. He set his lips in a grim line as Olivia danced about her garden. It was always difficult to be around Olivia because her demeanour was unsettling and her habit of reading your mind rendered conversation pretty redundant.

“Oh but they are so pretty,” Olivia told him as she nestled herself amongst the flowers. Up close you could just see a faint spattering of freckles across her nose. On some, it may have been seen as imperfection but it just made Olivia all the more flawless. “So pretty and, today, so full. Tell me, what do you plan to do about this girl you seem to think you love?”

“I don’t know. I can't help but want to know her. She's so small and full of pain but in her eyes...there's such a strength.”

“Well that’s hardly helpful, now is it Alexander?” Olivia ran her fingertips along the petals of a white rose that hadn’t bloomed yet. “It is forbidden to consort with mortals. You know that. After all, we remember the last time we interfered in their matters, we destroyed paradise. We are not humans. Don’t pretend you are.” Gently, she plucked the white rose from its place and held it to her lips. With a light kiss, the flower sprung open in full bloom.

“I know,” Alec nodded. “I won’t forget.”

“We deal with souls, which are the essence of life, but really, we are only death,” Olivia sighed. She then breathed over the rose which then shrivelled, blackened and died. And with that Olivia flung herself backwards into her flowers and laughed. “All this talk of death is so depressing!”

“For someone as old as time, you’re awfully childish,” a new voice intoned. Olivia sat up and Alec followed her gaze to a man who looked barely a day over twenty-eight. He wore a purple silk shirt with a suit jacket over the top and trousers. His silver-blonde hair was tidy yet stylish and amusement glistened in his hazel eyes, dancing like the tongues of a flame.

“Oh Ridley, you’re so boring,” Olivia pouted in her typical over-dramatic fashion. “Especially for someone so pretty.” Ridley smirked and stretched out a hand to her, which she took gently and got to her feet. Ridley and Olivia were lovers, as most collectors knew. Collectors rarely paired up and the two had been together since the birth of Shakespeare. Alec felt abruptly out of place. He watched Olivia walk into Ridley’s embrace and imagined the girl, Nora, wrapped up in his own arms. Suddenly aware that Olivia was probably reading his thoughts, Alec held out his pendant.

“Here are the souls I collected,” he said, tapping the pendant three times. Dozens of bright lights shot out, each morphing into a butterfly, each completely unique. One of them, a bright pink one with flecks of purple and ultraviolet caught his eye and he wondered if that was Samantha. Each soul became a butterfly, that’s why they had so many flowers. The flowers were vital to keep the souls living. Souls weren’t as indestructible and eternal as the humans seemed to think they were.

“Have you considered dreamwalking?” She tilted her head and raised a perfectly angular eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

“Darling,” Ridley said in a low tone. “Do you think it is wise to give the boy ideas?”

“To talk to this girl,” Olivia pressed. “Have you thought about dreamwalking?” Alec grinned. Of course! How perfect! He turned on his heels and headed for the portal to the human world. “Oh but Alexander,” Olivia’s voice called from behind him. He peered over his shoulder. “A human soul can only come into contact with the Dead World for so long before it begins to become one with our world. What is more important to you? Love? Or the one you love? If you even love her.”

“What’s the difference?”

“One is for you,” Ridley replied. “The other is for her.” Ridley and Olivia watched him leave. “Do you think that telling him about dreamwalking was a mistake?”

“It was only a mistake if he makes one,” Olivia sighed, still uncharacteristically serious. “I can hardly believe it is a painter that could prove to be his undoing.”

“I could hardly believe that you were mine,” Ridley said, stroking his lover’s cheek. She smiled softly.

**


As soon as Nora fell asleep she was pulled into a dream. In this dream she stood in a field of flowers that stretched out as far as the eye could see in every direction. Butterflies floated above the flowers in every possible colour and pattern imaginable. The most stunning thing, however, was the moon. It was so large, so full and so close that Nora felt that if she reached out she would be able to touch it. She glanced down and saw that she wore a large dark blue gown with black lace trimmings and black lace gloves to match.

“Hello, Nora,” a voice called. Nora turned to see the most handsome boy she’d ever encountered. His hair was the colour of a raven’s feather, black yet blue, and his eyes were dark, almost black, with a touch of the deepest blue she had ever seen. He wore a simple collared shirt with trousers but her eyes kept rising to meet his. There was something so enchanting about him. He’s the sort of boy Nora would’ve loved to have painted. He’s talking to me, she thought. This has to be a dream. Who is this boy?

“I’m Alexander,” he said as if he’d read her mind. “Most just call me Alec.”

“Alec,” Nora repeated, rolling it around in her mouth.

“Nora,” Alec nodded, a slight smirk lifting the corner of his mouth. The way he said her name was delicate, like a caress. Nora realised she must’ve looked stupid saying his name for no reason. Nora, you’re dreaming. No need to be self-conscious, she chastised herself.

“This place is so beautiful,” Nora sighed dreamily, twirling in the flowers. Then she tripped over her own feet and fell into Alec’s chest. She quickly backed away from him, suspicious.

“Dreams tend to be,” Alec said. His gaze seemed so intense and purposeful. Nora felt her cheeks burn and knew that a blush was spreading across her face as Alec helped her stand up properly.

“Not nightmares,” Nora replied. I’ve had plenty of those. "So who exactly are you, Alec?"

“Actually,” Alec smiled, offering her a purple rose. “I’d much rather hear all about you.”

“What do you want to know?” Nora took the rose and twirled it between her forefinger and thumb thoughtfully.

“Do you have any siblings?”

“I have a half brother, Keith. He’s only a toddler and I have to share a bed with him because our place is so small and our mum works all night.” Nora frowned. Why the hell did I tell him all that? Oh, right, this is a dream, it’s not like he’s going to go spilling my secrets. Alec sat down amongst the flowers, lay back and patted the ground beside him. Nora stayed standing and instead stared up at the night sky, which had an almost purple tinge to it.

“You can tell me anything, I want you to know that,” Alec told her. “So why do you live in such a small house?”

“It’s not that bad,” Nora said defensively. There was something about Alec’s gaze; the way he was so focused on her reminded her of Connor. Then her alarm sounded and the dream shattered, falling to pieces around her like shards of glass.
Last edited by Alexwriter on Mon Apr 25, 2011 2:55 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Okay, so I said that I would look at this later, but... well... I lied. :P

Anyway! So, just general nitpicks! I think something should happen in between the part with Olivia and the dream. It just seems like it runs into itself way too quickly and I would love for you to pace it a bit. Maybe you can talk about Nora falling asleep? I dunno. Have fun with it!

And WOW. Alec has gone to a new level of creepy! Seriously! As a moderator of YWS, I've had to look up the trends of child predators (it's so we can help you keep safe, no worries!) and he kind of fits the mold here. I mean, he isolates her (this is a big thing, lol), he makes it all about her, he lets her tell these things without doing anything to gain her trust, he wants her to tell him everything, etc. I mean, having a confidant is fine and everything, but he hasn't done anything for her to actually trust him, so I really, really don't like Alec now. I mean, I like him, but the way he's acting? Holy crap. He's going to hurt her because of his idiocy.

And Nora seems a bit too... naive? I mean, why should she trust him? Maybe he can sooth her and say something like, "It's just a dream" after she says that it's so beautiful. And then maybe he can sigh and with his sigh, another butterfly is formed. Or something weird like that so that she knows that it's just a dream, for sure. Of course, this might make her sad, but when he consoles her, it might make sense that she would blurt all these secrets out. Right now, it seems a bit random. I'd love to see a little more emotion in her blurting out! :D
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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Okay! So I flipped through the chapters and this one seemed the most changed, so I figure I would comment on this one! Though, really... chapter 5 soon? Yes? Yes?! :D

Anyway, the dialogue needs to be expanded between Nora and Alec! It looks a little holey in parts. For instance:

“Not nightmares,” Nora replied. I’ve had plenty of those.

“Actually,” Alec smiled, offering her a purple rose. “I’d much rather hear all about you.”


Non sequitar! So remember to fill that in.

And... chapter 5? :D
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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Wow. The ending of this piece was so powerful and descriptive. Seriously, this story keeps getting better and better! I'm glad that Nora and Alec get to finally meet. I've been waiting for that since Chapter 1! :) But you know what? Halfway through reading this, I could've sworn I was reading a published book. The quality and style of your writing is amazing. I swear, you have a gift.

I'm smiling just thinking about what's going to happen in Chapter 4! Amazing job again! :)
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I really liked it....the only thing I had a problem with was that it seems to be moving really fast. I mean, bring it out a little longer. You cant just meet someone and be instantly in love right? It adds more suspense:)
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Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.
— Ann Landers