[deleted]

Plagiarized.

Wow! Good job! I enjoyed this poem, and I liked the way you expressed the emotions! The only thing I'd change is the line: Nothing but you I need,

It It was a bit hard to understand at first and kind of interrupted the flow, but that might just be me. Good job!

I think that this poem is a little short and unexplained. I think that it could be expanded on. But so far, it's not bad.

TamaraGoesRawr wrote:Alone, thinking of you
I sat and recalled each smile, don't need comma here and every chat.

A tiny bit plain, if that's what you were aiming for then, well done. If not then... it still works, I can see what you're trying to get across here

TamaraGoesRawr wrote:Nothing but you I need
My heart, my eyes, all bleed.

I think you need to explain the second line more. This might just be me, but I didn't get it. Like, why does your heard and eyes bleed.

TamaraGoesRawr wrote:No words can describe how I feel
No heart can bare it
Flesh or steel.

Love the last two lines, the first line seems a bit cliche though.

Sorry if that seemed a bit harsh. Wasn't what I was going for. Overall, I think this is a nice, simple poem with potential to be expanded.

Heyy! I'm here to review your poem! It is short, but I sence it has a deep story behind it. Here is my review...

Alone, thinking of you
I sat and recalled each smile, and every chat.
-->Thinking is persent tense but sat and recalled are past tense. These verbs need to agree on their tense. Either make it past tense or present tense.

Nothing but you I need
My heart and my eyes, all bleed. --> I would consider adding the word and here. It sounds better to me.

No words can describe how I feel
No heart can bare it
Flesh or steel.

Other then the little verb disagreement in the first stanza I thought this poem was good: short, sweet, and to the point. The only other thing I would maybe consider doing is telling about why you (or the person you are writing about) feels this way. I read this poem and have a longing to know more about what caused this hurt. Keep writing!

-Jessa

I really liked the simplicity of the poem, 'cause to say something similar I'd probably expound on it for about ten more lines. One question, though. Did you want "bear it" instead of "bare it"? Both work well grammatically, but they end up meaning totally different thing. Bear would mean hold up, survive, etc. while bare would mean the feelings that you've portrayed are buried and no other heart could possibly contend with them.

Locked. Plagiarism.