Beautiful Boy

Spoiler

The chorus has a different ending line each time--that's why I typed it out (instead of just putting -chorus-).
The wording on the ending lines needs work. Rhythm's off.

Anyway, this was prompted by my best guy friend repeatedly angsting over never being anything more than a friend to girls. I wanted to comfort him. I wrote a song. I posted it on facebook and tagged him. Guess who didn't comment.
ANYWAY. It's not just for him, because I know other guys who feel similarly. So......

If you're a guy, this is for you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You want a girl to have and hold
I see the longing in your soul,
You feel you’ve waited patiently,
You feel alone, and you can’t see


How beautiful you are, boy
The love inside you gives me joy,
Some day you’ll be with your meant-to-be—
Please just trust me.


I cannot fill the void inside
But I don’t want for you to hide
Please know I’m here, I hold you dear,
Don’t be ashamed—you can cry those tears


How beautiful you are, boy
The love inside you gives me joy,
Some day you’ll be with your meant-to-be—
Just wait and see.


You say you still have work to do
You don’t see your beauty shining through
And my heart breaks every time you say
“I feel like a failure, I’m not okay.”


Yeah, don’t’cha see how beautiful you are?
Your battle wounds, even your scars
Tell the story of a fighter, and a lover,and a soldier, a survivor
One day your girl will come and I know you’ll stand beside her


But for now, tell me how—
‘Cuz I’m not the one you’re lookin’ for
And you’re not the one that I’ll adore—
Tell me how to love you
‘Cuz I don’t know what to do

How beautiful you are, boy
The love inside you gives me joy,
Some day you’ll be with your meant-to-be—
Just wait and see

Awww this was heart melting sad and beautiful!!! The emotion and description is just breathtaking!!! I really have no corrections to this piece at all; hence why I stink at poetry LOL. Either way it was amazing and I truly love it ^^. Good luck and keep up the good work!!! May you receive many wonderful and improving reviews!!! Happy Writing and I can not wait for more of your works soon!!!
Soulkana<3

Aww this is so awesome! I wish more guys realised the things you say here. It sounds as if you wrote this as a song. If that is the case, then you really don't have to worry about your rhyming being spot-on, because the words can blend better into music (if that makes sense...).

Awesome job!

Sage

There's actually a section on the site for lyrics, though it's not terribly out of place here. But if you'd like me to move it, just send a PM my way and I'll get that done Right. On to the review!

First impressions: This is really sweet and the lyrics were very refreshing. I don't think I've heard many songs related to this subject or maybe none at all so kudos for that. You're right when you say your timing's off in places though and I'd have liked to see just a little more length or substance to the chorus but in general, you've done a nice job.

You want a girl to have and hold
I see the longing in your soul,
You feel you’ve waited patiently,
You feel alone, and you can’t see <<<[I'm not sure how much I like the cliche in the first line but I rather like the second and the third and fourth are fine.]

How beautiful you are, boy
The love inside you gives me joy, <<<[I think the rhyming here could have been more original but nice sentiment.]
Some day you’ll be with your meant-to-be— <<<[Love the use of meant-to-be, that phrase works really well.]
Please just trust me.

I cannot fill the void inside
But I don’t want for you to hide <<<[This line could use some improvement. This and the previous one are a little vague andd the rhyme sounds forced.]
Please know I’m here, I hold you dear,
Don’t be ashamed—you can cry those tears

Yeah, don’t’cha see how beautiful you are?
Your battle wounds, even your scars<<< [Easy way to fix the rhythm break here would be to re-write it as: 'Your battle wounds, your every scar']
Tell the story of a fighter, and a lover, a survivor
One day your girl will come and I know you’ll stand beside her… [Good use of rhyme and really nice line.]

Overall, a very nice piece. It could use some cleaning up but evenn as it is, I enjoyed the read so keep up the good work!

Heather xx

helloo
I love this poem!!! good work!
I have one correction though:

How beautiful you are, boy
The love inside you give me joy, #FF0000 ">I think -give- should be gives
Some day you’ll be with your meant-to-be—
Just wait and see.

nice!!
-qaralynn-

Very well written... I am surprised at anyone writing anything like this... Obviously it's a side of the subject that I'll never see. I thought you did a good job on how you expressed how you feel. The word choice is simple and good. Yes, they can definitely coincide. Well writ.

Oh my gosh, this song is heart melting. If I were a boy, I would be falling for you(: Whoever this boy is, he's stupid not to fall for you. The writing was excellent and the feel/mood of this song is amazing. It paints the picture in my head, like I was right there with you. Keep writing, forever and always!

~Forti(: