Forgotton

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I ducked as the royal blue plate crashed into the wall behind me and shattered into a thousand pieces. My short yellow dress couldn’t protect me from the shards of glass around my knees. I tried to not move and hurt myself. Tears threatened to escape my eyes but I refused to let them. I was supposed to be strong. I was supposed to be like mom had been before she died.
“You can’t hide forever, Bridget!” A woman’s voice furiously yelled from the kitchen door.
I shuddered, my long blonde hair falling in front of my eyes. My breath caught in my throat as I heard the woman make her way towards me. After a moment, she appeared from behind the dining room table, her face a dark red. Her short black hair and light ocean-blue eyes complemented the emerald green dress that fell to her knees and was frayed at the bottom. Shiny red lipstick was spread across her lips, and dark green eye shadow sat upon her eyelids. A wicked glare was glued to her face and penetrated my heart.
“Your mother would not be proud. Well, too bad. Now, I’m your mom, and you have to listen to me!” The woman hissed, grabbing for me.
I scrambled away from her nimble hands and trembled in the corner of the room. She advanced towards me, crushing the shards of glass with her three-inch heels. Her words crushed my heart as a weight would if placed upon my chest. My mother loved me, had loved me and still does love me. I felt a tear fall down my cheek.
I couldn’t cry, not in front of this woman.
“No! You will never be my mom! Just because she loved you doesn’t mean you’re my mom now that she’s dead! I hate you!” I screamed after I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“I was in love with her and you killed her, you wretched child!” the woman screamed back lunging for me. I dove to the side and stood to run but I felt her fingers wrap around my hair and yank me back. I yelled from the pain and crashed to the ground, feeling a piece of glass slide into my shoulder. The pain was at first intense, so intense that it shocked me into silence, then my shoulder went numb. The woman stood over me.
I will never call her my mother.
My birth mother had fallen in love with her, three years before. I had never let anyone in school know about it because I was so embaressed to have lesbian mothers and no father. And when my real mother had died, I had no other relatives so this…witch, Natalie Beck, became my legal guardian. But she will never, ever be my mom. I will never love her.
Natalie thinks that somehow I killed my mom, but she died of breast cancer and Natalie just wont accept that. And now, she takes it out on me. But I can’t let anyone know that she hurts me. Not anyone, not ever.
And now that that Rae McCormick has had her secret get out that she is lesbian, I have someone to channel my anger to. I feel bad for making fun of her, but I need an outlet for myself, and she is that outlet.
Natalie snarled as if she was more animal than human. I grimaced under her gaze and the pain in my head and shoulder. Moaning, I tried to stand but Natalie dropped to her knees and came close to me. Her eyes looked deep into mine and when I attempted to look away, she grabbed my chin and forced me to look into her eyes.
“Don’t you ever mention your mother again, you hear me? If you do, I swear, I will beat you to a pulp. Grow up, Bridget Buttons, and understand that I will never forgive you for leading your mother to her death,” Natalie whispered to me. Then she turned and stormed out of the house, slamming the door and leaving me alone.
I lay on the floor, my shoulder throbbing.
What have I done? Mom, I wish you were still here, oh how I miss you. I need you mommy, I need you here with me!
I finally let the tears escape the sanctuary of my eyes as I carefully stood and headed to the bathroom to clean my wound.
Last edited by emmylou1995 on Fri Apr 29, 2011 1:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
When all you have is nothing, there is alot to go around.




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I'm debating on how I'm going to review this, because I don't usually review things like this.

I thought it was a good story and very well written. It was certainly different than you usually see on here and for that I think you did a great job. Different is always good.

I didn't really like the plot line to be honest. I mean why would this "mother" of hers think she killed her mother when she actually died of breast cancer. I mean I think it would be cooler and make more sense if she died in an accident that somehow involved the main character and then she planned the main character for it even though it wasn't her fault. But that's just my opinion.

If her mother really loved her how could she ever fall for this woman? Was she one of those two facers who seemed perfect but then was someone completely different around the main character (did you ever mention her name?). Some more detail could be used. And maybe a bit more from the background story so we can know exactly how all this came to be.

the woman screamed back #FF0000 ">[Comma] lunging for me.


There needs to be a comma there.

“You can’t hide forever, Bridget!” A woman’s voice furiously yelled from the kitchen door.


The thing I see with this line is that at the beginning of the story she addressed her as a woman, even though the story's in first person and she knows exactly who she is. Try, "that woman" or "that voice" rather than a woman. It makes the story sound like third person when you say woman.

And now that that Rae McCormick has had her secret get out that she is lesbian, I have someone to channel my anger to. I feel bad for making fun of her, but I need an outlet for myself, and she is that outlet.


This line seemed off topic to me. It didn't have much to do with the story and then it kind of ended abruptly and you didn't even know anything about this "Rae McCormick" person. My suggestion would be to either expand on it or leave it out entirely. But if you're going to expand on it I would suggest a flashback so you don't go off topic in the middle of the story.

I hope my review helped. I really did like the story, although it is kind of sad. And I can see this becoming a second part. There's so much you haven't explained.
Let's eat mom.
Let's eat, mom.
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I like the whole plot to the story, but you defiantly should have played out the mystique longer. I like the fact that her mother was a lesbian. That defiantly gave the story a twist.

I think you should really get into details here. The imagery was great, but with such a good plot, we need more than that. We need more emotions. The characters mother has died. She is living with a woman that has caused her embarrassment and shame for the past few years. The woman is crazy. The woman doesn't like her. Sounds like a lot to go through. A lot of mixed emotions. A lot more that you could write about.

I also think you should change the dialogue a tad bit. I think this sounds somewhat unrealistic and too thought out. In a situation of violence and panic like this, the characters need to be more impulsive. I'm sure that as enraged as the guardian is, she isn't really thinking about what she's saying. She is just trying to offend the girl. She simply wants to release her anger, rather than being reasonable. The girl is in a state of panic, so all she is trying to do is defend herself. They should be speaking impulsively, not like somebody gave them a script for a film. Realism tends to bring out more emotions in the readers. be more descriptive when you talk about the past. What was the mother like? Was she a good mother? How is the girls social status in school? Does she have a lot of friends? I'm also wondering what time period this takes place in.

Overall, it's pretty good. Hopefully you will continue writing this!



Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
— Sigmund Freud